Tag Archives: haunt

california soul

stay young

and keep your hands on the gun

don’t move along

and stay for the night

for the dark night that bleeds

in drunken colours

away from everything else

in the picasso paintings we called home

before we calmed down

and stopped severing our songs

so break me down

break down the better parts

that make us scream in the backseat

of crashing red cars

and i won’t run this time

so run me over

i’ll tally up the torques

torture me with tiring promenades

and hand grenades

and alcoholic stories that leave my cheeks numb

and when i pass the fuck out

carry me to my door

like you never promised me before

and i’ll leave you to stare

at the closed windows

throwing brick walls to play fair

just don’t bother with praying

don’t bother me

if the burning sun persists to remind you

don’t listen to the rain

listen to the suffocating hallways

give me what you can take

and if you still think you’ll be sorry

darling, your voice is keeping me awake

so what if i forget regret?

by then i wrote all these apologies

a thousand fucking times now

until i could taste the wounds on my tongue

until my hands are dragged into the ocean

until i don’t know what it means to be alive

what does it mean to breathe?

you lacerated my lungs

and monopolised my oxygen

so i guess i asked the wrong person

and i would do it again

until you love every broken bone in my body

but do you even give a fuck

that it’s cold outside

and all my mutated veins are frozen over

into dismembered accidents

of a lifeless smile?

don’t keep haunting me, darling

texas may be forever but california isn’t

and we could only wish to swim

against inferno summers and dishwater hurricanes

parched throats like a pyromaniac

before we crash on the rocks

and end up losing our bedrooms in the sky

did you fall away?

heaven is yours to plot my demise

when we’re stumbling over west coast clubs

and deadlocked in socal lies

i make the best mistakes to choose

when you’re wearing my lipstick and i’m in your shoes

crying until the lemon groves grow

and turn our memories of encino holidays sour

desecrating sacrilegious in santa cruz

saint anna has nothing left to lose

and los angeles is chanting ooh, la la la

the walk of fame is tipsy

the stars don’t remember their fame

hollywood is getting far too busy

and we’re covered in blood in san francisco

standing by the earthquake’s fault line

trying desperately to find out

which of us pushed the other one

but i’ll remember all the disasters forever

like how we convulsed with laughter

dissecting, exploring our decaying anatomies

relapsing into recovery

dancing circles around the hospital

and never even asking what’s happening to us

as we’re dragged under hispanic dust

dizzying in spin the bottles and betting hack money

ferris wheels and carousels and vomit

confusion reassuring with promises full of shit

the happiest place on earth feels sorry

disneyland’s just a ride away

watching movies at anaheim driveways

falling asleep at the rolling credits

diving into high tide currents of long beach

until one of us drowns deep

and we hid away in sulphur kisses

poignant in mission bay high

crushing red cups in san diego backyards

digging crowns and graves in clairemont for the day we die

so hold your mouth, we’ll be fine

i’ll tell you you’ll be okay, but i would be lying

for romance, for a chance

to entrance the devils pumping blood

for a nonexistent god

for you, for me, for loveless mercy

for love and everything that’s bad in this world

you whisper “baby, i’d kill for you”

oh honey, don’t you see? i’d fucking kill you

i’d count the sugar on your lips

i’d count the stars that collide all over your skin

i’d count all the chemicals that saturate me

when you count the sand on the shore like sweeter sins

soaking me in

breaking me down

until i’m wasted on your voice

until the wine tastes cheap

and until we’re entangled

like grey cobwebs and red tapes

and starving friends preaching eloquence

like our elusive selfish escapes

so please shatter your mirrored soul for me

and i’ll paint them over in stained glass

for the hollow cathedral

we’ll murder our lusted vows in

we both knew this moment would never last

cause i loved your shameless destruction

and that was a fucking mistake

i should’ve loved everything else in your dying eyes, darling

because that was all it would ever take.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

The Home Inside My Head

I’m getting pretty good at leaving, my patience isn’t wearing thin
Autumn never ends in my head, no matter how far I’ve been
It feels like everybody is the branch and I’m the leaves
Falling from the top of every leafless tree…

~*~

Seven lies, to make up for the ones I spent on you last night

Veneration and admiration melting into stained-glass spites

Memories triggered on the revolver with an empty chamber

A diamond bullet for each bloodstain that I fail to remember

.

This is way more complicated than smoking on the dashboard

And sitting on the basement stairs, tying another noose’s cords

An apartment with a single chair and a couch to accommodate

The monsters that visit my bedroom when I am staying up late

.

Doorways without a doorknob, a stone key without a brass lock

A broken doorbell with a barren picture frame, so please knock

Provisions of diverse renditions settling in moth-frayed drapery

Your overplayed excuses taste like naphthalene on dust bunnies

.

Under the lampshade where you hid those secrets and the baggage

You stowed away with hallmark cards and epipens for easy storage

Brass tacks and rusty corkscrews can’t alter the sound of voicemail

Last year it was our symphony, now it’s just another ire on the scale

.

A ghost of the tenant occupying an abandoned and decrepit residence

Ancient tales of foreboding snatched by shadows, gaunt reminiscence

The home inside my head feels much more spacier with a lodger gone

Past vacant stares and for sale signs, perhaps it is time I end my haunt.

~*~

The home inside my head has a bed for me
That no one will ever get the chance to see
A kitchen table with one chair, walls with
Empty picture frames no one will ever see…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Ocean Promenades and Transatlantic Daydreams

You’ve gone and sewn me to this bed
The taste of you and me
Will never leave my lips again
Under the blinding rain
I wanna hold your hand so tight
I’m gonna break my wrist
And when the vultures sing tonight
I’m gonna join right in…

~*~

Between you and me

There’s no distance in the middle

The cold war has restarted

So let’s try to be civil

A legal murder;

That’s what you really are

With a smile that can save the

World all on its own

I grit my teeth because that’s

All I can do to just keep holding on

The smoke collides in the sky

Like decanted white wine in a movie

But no one is watching

And nobody’s ending is to die

The walls of this house are paper thin

But so is my pallid skin

I wonder if stars choose to cling to my eyes

And where all their lies begin

I need someone to keep me from

Swallowing a bottle of pills amassed

As I kept the orange lid on

And chewed on the painted glass

You didn’t even try to stop me

From counting days off my chipped nails

And burying my reflection

Your finger is falling off the scale

I fractured my funny bone

As you dragged my ankles in the rain

Maybe I’ve had known my synthetic home

Instead all I have is a lipstick stain

My tears are a suicide silence

Of those evenings I spent swearing that I’ll

Call your paradise up in the morning

Even if it might take me a while

I’d count the salt of the earth

And turn it into sugar on your tongue

I may be out of bounds

But I wasn’t the thief who sold your sun

So say it’s all a criminal act

These handcuffs are killing my wrists

Digging into my scar tissues

As scarred as your haunting lips

The tactless tactics taken

Your elegant eloquences forsaken

Tortured clocks tick the past

It wasn’t meant to last

Another song of bruised dreams

I wanna hold your hand so fucking tight

Your bones will feel my veins scream

And my knuckles will bleed out into the night

Maybe another vodka shot

Will change things, or make it worse

As I threw a boulder on your bedroom window

To tell you I won’t be late for your hearse

It’s a screwed-up mentality

Like kissing a glock gun before I sleep

To trade tranquility for a stranger

And voluntarily fall inside his oceans deep

But just between you and me

I’m already drenched away and sickly

And there’s no place I’d rather drown myself in

Than your empty sea.

~*~

I’ll sing along, cause I don’t know any other song
I’ll sing along, but I’m barely hanging on
No, I’m barely hanging on, by the time you’re hearing this
I’ll already be gone; and now there’s nothing to do
But tear my voice apart…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Counting Calendar Months

Dear last July
You once were heavy
But now I lift you
Over my head like a feather…

~*~

Tell me where I can find

Beating August wings

Under a starry June’s sea

On a December evening snow

Writing letters to dear July

When February strikes its arrow

Into my falling autumn October heart

As my birthday dusk Marches on

And April daisies sing my song

November dreams may haunt me

But I’ll wake in September end quietly

May I never miss the summer days

As I watch the fireworks on a new January.

~*~

I’ve never been one for chasing
Stars in the starry night
It just seems too easy
I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
Fine when you want me
Yeah, for the last time…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Broken Record

It called me, I shoulda known
As the fever sweat through the dream
Told mamma that I couldn’t go
So I could stay home just to watch him dancing
And you could not tell me then
Like you could never ever tell me now
That this is not who I am…

~*~

I lost my way when I told everyone I’m keeping my resolve

I changed directions but hit the brakes when I started to swerve

Blood on the carpet, cracked car window and I don’t regret it

Perhaps it’s just too late, and call me cliché but I just might make it

.

The fever haunts my sleep like a ghost, it keeps me up at night

I’m sweating tears, way past the years of choosing wrong or right

But the final decision won’t be under your static voice’s call

It’s collapsing in weekends and dead ends, need some damage control

.

Reluctance only absolves the manifested consequences it amasses

A separation in the direct degree, as the unread side effects harasses

Querulous impostors screaming diplomatic shrill notes of protests

Drenched to the sin with self-repugnance, scandalising second guesses

.

Those platinum eyes reflect the man submerged in visceral frequency

Staggering the nightmares rushing in my veins, taunting habitual tendency

Show me the alternative to bloodletting and crumpled prescription pills

Embarking to the mistress of a bottle just so time would stand still

.

The blackout makes it easier, ’cause that way I don’t have to look at myself

When the déjà vu is drowning me under familiar sandpits of its miserable help

The taste of being sober, the bitten tongue and the scent of absinthe forsaken

Until I’m too sick and second to none, falling out over and over and over again…

~*~

Showed me that carrot on a string
But just a little too late
The bite from the taste and the smell
Of the sick somehow reminds me to be myself
Over and over again…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Saving my Sleep for the Sirens

The frame, the friction
It’s the reason that we all become aware
And we change for no reason
Some say it’s better to fall asleep and disappear
It’s time we finally look at what we’ve done
And wake up…

~*~

I cannot sleep, this haunt persisted to stay

I need a hand here to suffocate my throat

Lie, otherwise I won’t have another today

Amidst arctic isles and glaciers I will float

.

Don’t they know that’s all I dream about?

Perhaps I am just too ambitious to forget

Say I’m right, indulged in septic fantasies

Teetering at the edge of a cliff over death

.

But my jealous mind is pushing me farther

I couldn’t dissolve my nightmares, after all

Standing with my back against the red sun

And screaming, I have never felt more tall

.

I am another thought that lacerates skins

If you bleed out because of me, so let it be

Seeking an escape, the exit sign’s blinding

And I’m chasing circles away from misery

.

I am slipping out, my foothold is unstable

Through rain and ashes, I bathe in debris

Threads unravelling of stitches miserable

I cannot fall from touch, never sedentary

.

I’ve wished for a dollar that I won’t be rich

They call me insane, but that’s the way it is

The point I try to make is never transparent

But the light from my lies makes it apparent.

~*~

So here we are, we’re waiting for a fall
And on the radio they’re calling on satellites
Like they’re going to save us all…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

petal

words that

haunt me

like a rose

i wish your

thorny lips

would close.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry