Tag Archives: heavy

L’exquise L’angoisse

Palpitating arteries eviscerate, a familiar taste that tastes like nothing

Frustrated art under his eyelids fading, clever words I’m never caught saying

Lost impressions leave deceptions, a tempestuous flood caught in the fray

Wish my headspace wasn’t suffocating the sun day after another day

.

Imagination stuttering, slowly dying, what are you trying to hide?

If hell’s your new phenomenon, I’m afraid it’s far too late to be described

Every broken bone that the restless audience throws back to your act

Refusing to feel right again, this time I know that I don’t know where to start

.

Don’t look at me. Don’t look at my deathwish. Nor my blinded existence.

I do not wish to breathe the same way you do. Do not bleed out of my presence.

My words are glass blades lodged under my bruised throat, so do not dare me to cough

The eclipse feels impossibly heavier without your weight to hold me down

And so I quietly submerge with only the sound of my empty thoughts.

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Andromeda

Can anyone reveal the bloodstains

Hiding underneath my torn lips…

Would anyone kiss it all away?

.

My thoughts are arrested at gunpoint

As if they were guilty of something—

.

But the crimes hanging my crown

Heavy on one side are nothing new

I’ve already paid for them time and time again

But why am I still being punished?

.

I can’t escape the incarceration from

What everyone else calls their brain

Try as I may to scrape off the slivers of light,

A jailbreak only makes for broken bones

And a rather crueler atonement…

.

I’m crossing thin lines inside my head

And all over my skin, precarious and fatal

Until humility becomes my illness

.

And manipulation my only chapel of truth

.

For I am no longer human; rather

I am simply a galaxy of constellated scars

.

But not a single one coruscates any longer

And my flesh becomes just another dead star

Extinguished quietly in the infinite darkness.

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Eight-Ball/Outlook

I’ve eaten bricks for breakfast

And my tongue is set on fire

All my nerves have lost their nerve

And my brain’s a walking satire

.

As the people are counted off

Like the fingers I have trembling

Attend the wake of my mild mistakes

And rude intermittent whispering

.

So I wait, and I breathe, and I sit steady

As I wait for the signal to turn ready

So I wait, and I write, and I try to find

When my heart’s made up its mind.

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midday

the heat is heavy

and cumbersome

and it presses down

every inch of my

slow-roasted flesh

down to my chest

into my choked lungs

now, i would inhale

but that would mean

that i’m voluntarily

letting the heat in

so i think i’m fine

holding my breath

for now, and waiting

until summer goes away.

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Six Feet Under, Stars Above

You’re just another set of bones to lay to rest
I guess it’s time to say goodnight
Hope you had a really good time, good time…

~*~

tonight, the sun will go down

along with a million stars into the ground

fading into silent eviction

and every speck i’ll count is but a perception

taste of blood i feel on my tongue

as heavy as the lonesome bed left unsung

muttering the wrong name on my drowsy lips

sharpening the needles of apologies

perhaps it’ll be alright, if i’m able

or perhaps i’ll end up sleeping on the kitchen table

with a Jack and a flat drunk dial tone

picking up where i left off on the disconnected telephone

but i will never forget your infinite sighs

when you whispered softly “we should die in style”

and tonight, when the sun goes down

i’ll be waiting for you, six feet under the ground.

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Into The Nothing

Screaming on the inside, I am frail and withered
Cover up the wounds that I can’t hide
Walls that lie between us, the saint within the sinner
I have lost the nerve but it’s all right
Carry the wounded and shut your eyes…

~*~

A temporary twinge that sets back shadows

In the illumination of a thousand stars

Exhaustion slithering surreptitiously again

Impatient risks and one-sided grumbling wars

.

I could feel my heartbeat like a dulled knife

Chiseling my heart with a steady thump thump thump

Until all that’s left to carve away is ivory spine

Break the barricade with silencers and loaded guns

.

The imbibed bourbon as heavy as indebted money

And the cold turns into an unyielding freeze

Fingers tapped, reduced to painting bloody nibs

From trite entertainment that’s built on a transient lease

.

Distractions won’t sideswipe the prior chagrins

Vanilla ice cream is tasted again and again until it’s boring

And the sweetness turns my grimacing teeth numb

Suffocating on shaky breaths and nitrogen, I’ll succumb

.

Despite the ringing laughter, something still feels rather off

I shouldn’t be aching, I shouldn’t be alienated, I should be better

But instead I feel like a small plastic toy piece on the board

And before I know it, the cards are flipped, it’s game over, and I lost.

~*~

Into the nothing, faded and weary
I won’t leave and let you fall behind
Live for the dying, heaven hear me
I know we can make it out alive…

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Nevermind.

No more disillusions, I hated off a horridly cheap lie

Everything I stood for, was but a mere waste of time

Vying to be noticed, just how awfully disgusting can I be?

Entering a state of forlornness, when no one cares about me?

Raring to go to waste, when all parties have no vacancy pertained

My RSVP no longer needed, I could pop my own bubbly champagne

In my sad house, I stood with hanging streamers and deflated balloons

Nodding faintly, making memories of my own like a gloomy little goon

Don’t mind me; honestly, I’m just here with shambolic thoughts, accidentally spilled a bit too soon.

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