Tag Archives: hopeless

Okinawa (Taking The Long Way Home)

Hopeless; soft sigh of my shamelessness

Almost anechoic now, rather hurting your

Perfect prelude as you cross nocturnes into

Plaques of deception, I crave the vicious way

You crept under my closed eyelids and let my

.

Bloodstream clog up with letters of your name

Infected and depleted, frantic and lovesick like

Redbones and restless sentiments as I befall back

To the insomniac midnight runs that broke in my

Head like it was just another swollen, gaping scab

Daring me to pick at it, to pick it up, to pick you out

And spill my thoughts all over the ceiling’s leaky holes

Yes, you are and will be the only one, begotten wonderer

.

Arrogances forsaken—! I vehemently collide directly into

Never, never again, never yours, never there, never more

Distal anoxia, stiffly reaching out, these hands—fractured

Your staccato rings out to alarm the wolves, for I am to your

.

Carrion as you are to my crudely-preserved trophy head displayed

Iridescent phantom may you be yet afterlife barely transpired, just a

Zeitgeist fleeing the tides under the midst of November’s temper bloom

Enamoured harshly to your facsimiles and facades and fastidious blues

Keeping worn-down stars in my pocket for another year lost again to you.

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in which love is just another imagined story by a hopeless writer who has dysgraphia

“and though to my arms you are forever lost,
you are a prisoner in my fantasy.”

~Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz

~*~

you are my sweetest fiction,

conjured, derived from the very ends of

the lacklustre impediment

that is my algid imagination.

light calla lips flushed pleasantly

(though, i may only be imagining it so)

elusive soul a taunting fugitive

(from which i could never hope to catch

with bare hands and bare feet)

cerise smile melting upon liquid gaze

before i then realise—the blood was my own.

missing birthdays, unsent letters

piling into sealed dictionaries upon my oaken desk

and again, i weep the night sky

in the grievous absence of your starlight.

falling, falling; lilies, lilies,

plucked like shimmering innocence

from the skin of my gritted teeth, sighing

irreplaceable—!

though, your divine body is not mine

to ruin and revere relentlessly

under eternal storybooks and lost volumes of

anthologies, the empty pages

all at once interjecting: “impossible?!”

but, is it always so? must my fluttering shyness

be short-lived like your tyranny?

surely we must not always adore the

blinking butterflies, cascading iridescence

billowing solemnly into my reverie—

accidental interruption.

aralias, aralias; painful, painful;

i am to dirty fly as you are to decadent fruit

dragged down rather cruelly into

the ad infinitum of your fiery veneration

and i am unable to twist my words into cathartic

crashing, collapsing, holding it in…

but, i do not mind at all; for i lost mine

the moment you slipped from enthrallment into

the ache of my charismatic sternum,

submerging me in pacific oceans of desire—

enchantingly alluring me into the cozen, shackling confines

of the prison you call your heart.

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Filed under Poetry, Valentines Poetry

Emergency Call

I saw you move from across the room
I knew who you were
You act like you are afraid of who you are
I’m afraid for you…

~*~

I don’t want to be here

Constantly begging to be saved

By the hearts that don’t care

If my tongue is set on fire

.

Unsettled and reduced to hiding

Counting every line obscured

In the hopes that maybe this time,

I don’t have to hurt anymore

.

I don’t want to look inside

I don’t want to see myself again

And see nothing else but nothing

I don’t believe in anything else

.

I don’t want to ask stupidly again

And receive stares for an answer

It’s not like me to be fully aware

I’m better off lost, staying quiet

.

I don’t want to be here

Constantly saving to be begged

By the hearts that never cared

If my hands are set on fire

.

Unnerved and reduced to nooks

Creating every line unveiled

In the hopes that maybe this time,

It would hurt just a little more.

~*~

I can save you
If you ask me, just ask me to
There’s hope for you tonight
I can save you
If you ask me, just ask me to
I can save your life…

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see no evil, fear no evil

i counted seventeen vultures

circling above to rend my spoiled flesh apart

and feed me to their starving children

.

i thought i saw a raven

mocking my unfortunate fate

perched solemnly on a chiseled granite bust

weeping with plutonian pondering

.

as the foolish crows

sang me a heartless elegy

the epistles crumbled to ashes in my palms

and my fountain pen dried out

into blotted shadows

.

if only heaven were to open up

and save me from the ominous darkness

but there’s no room for another soul

to save; no vacancy to give

.

so i huddle beneath the branches

of the dying willow tree

and waited for them to take me alive.

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the disconnect

i want badly

to reconnect the dots

line by line, and

form a better image

but i guess we ran out

of points to trace

so i guess this is all

just pointless.

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cloudy

what if

dreams

are all

they really

will be?

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Makeout Sessions Gone Wrong in Las Vegas Stripclubs

Now I’m of consenting age
To be forgetting you in a cabaret
Somewhere downtown where a
Burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I’m seated and sweating to a
Dance song on the club’s P.A…

~*~

If you can go any cheaper

I’ll find you a stumbling vomit drunk in blind alleys

Askin’ for a round of drinks

In exchange for tying stems of maraschino cherries

With your manipulating tongue

And your unwilling flesh that’s just cigarette smoke

I can trespass through over again

But I can never touch, ’cause my heart will only choke

.

And if I was any more hopeless

You’ll find me hanging off the stools in backdoor bars

Holding another shivering bottle

Lusting to catch my tenth falling wornout rusted star

Hooking up in insalubrious stands

When all I care about is satisfying imminent attention

No jezebel can be too in demand

Let’s get wasted tonight, regret simplifying the caution

.

And if both of us were to crash together

Oh what a shame it couldn’t be when we’re both sober

Let’s just fuck ’til we damage our brains

And tomorrow we’ll be nothing but sidewalk remains

For everything is exciting with no chance

The pain and malicious intentions intensifies romance

Somehow this love affair feels much better

When we’re scratching the backs and sense off each other.

~*~

Well, I’m afraid that I—
Well, that’s right, well I may have faked it
And I wouldn’t be caught dead in this place!
And isn’t this exactly where you’d like me?
I’m exactly where you’d like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety…

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This is a wasteland, my only retreat

Wasting my Saturdays trapped onto malignant hell

My tortured wrists wail, crying up a drowning spell

If there was a God, damn it He left me in their cage

Not even archangels will absolve the battles I wage

If hope was an endless sky, then I would have none

Cackling flames, it licked away tears of desperation

Not even the universe hears the final anguished cry

Of a being shackled under the earth, abandoned to die.

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★ oh no ☆

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

there’s a taste in that bittersweet word

that calm expression, passé tongues

speaking as if they didn’t crash worlds

and left the sun and moon to hang

the hearts colliding with every beat

and souls gain momentum in a heat

the bastards take their velvet seats

and watch the show, clapping teeth

from afar, the diabolic supernova

looks to be a marvellous hysteria

streaks and arcs of light intertwined

you witness a million stars fall declined

and yet, oh! the beauty, the irony, the

sheer cruelty of it all, for when all of the

constellations head south and lose glow

and one densely exclaims a soft ‘oh no’

when the planet loses orbit revolutions

and hurtles into a hopeless dissolution

there will always be someone so tactless

that whispers back their pleased ‘oh yes’.

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

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The straw that broke the camel’s back

There comes an epoch

Where I feel quite jaded

To the point where even

It sickens me to heaving

If I dared open my mouth

And stuck my pale tongue

A creature might crawl out

Black, viscous abomination

.

Tears refuse to fall anyway

For they have hardened into

Ivory pearls, just too painful

To egress my lacrimal gland

And when they clatter to the

Sullied floor, you pray caution

Or you might topple on them

And fracture your fragile spine

.

I could listen to the synapses

Laid within my strained mind

As taut as overwound strings

On a soundless archaic guitar

Attempting to create melodies

Pulled hard ’til it breaks away

And I could hear a symphony

Of tumults, snap, snap, snap

.

Thus webs of my sanity vaporise

The dewdrops start to rain down

And insects released themselves

From their hapless fettered state

Buzzing about inside my system

Stinging my heart, sucking blood

Until my heart rendered anaemic

All vital signs cease to be present

.

One small spark is all it takes for my heart to burn

One wrong turnpike to cause a wreckage collision

One hypodermic needle embedded of a numbing lie

One last hay strand’s weighing me down until I die

The last vestiges of hopes are sullenly acquiesced

Sempiternally expired, lost by the devil’s workshop

What’s left are unpalatable tastes of failure, enough

I can take no more, you can have the ghost—I give up.

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