Tag Archives: insane

Life and all Its Fickle Insanities

Is there a right way for being strong?
Feels like I’m doing things all wrong
Still I’m here just holding on
Confess my heart and forgive my wrongs
Just trying to show you something more…

~*~

You’re trying to keep from going insane

Biting down on your heart to keep from crying out in pain

Walking away from the tomorrow they promised

Would be a grand illusion of borrowed pleasantries

.

If nobody loves you, maybe you deserved none

Existence won’t wait for your fickle mindless derisions

Capture the scars, display them in an album

Filled with bad memories and flickering momentum

.

People might stay for the night, but won’t build your dreams

And the sunset taking back the light is more than it seems

You’re just trying to place the bets on the better

Picking the monochromes and greys in a palette of technicolour

.

Hanging barely on the tightropes by your two fingertips

And the audience might just cheer if you happened to sneeze

If nobody takes you, then maybe you’ll take yourself

Don’t bother trying to pick diamonds out of your golden chest

.

Your fractured ribs will give way to the recalescent candle that stares

Breaking the tongues of forever until you’re naif and unaware

Fighting back the night and holding on to the twisted path of right

Dying again and again until you find that final guiding light

.

You’re just trying to keep from keeping insane

‘Cause ain’t that the way of life and its arid little games

Walking towards the today no one will ever give you

But yourself, this illusion may be grand but the escape won’t beat you.

~*~

Nobody’s gonna love you
If you can’t display a way to capture this
Nobody’s gonna hold your hand
And guide you through, it’s up for you to understand
Nobody’s gonna feel your pain
When all is done and it’s time for you to walk away
When you have today, you should say all that you have to say…

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Monomania

The chemicals in my brain

Are spilling over into tidal waves

And ricocheting delusions

But I don’t mind what they make

I’m being disgusting, banal

My apathetic towers are crashing

Yes, I’m sick from sentiment

But is that really such a bad thing?

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tylenol

solemn headaches

keep me awake

sleepless energy

past the dull ache

screaming migraines

keep me insane

insomniac clarity

past agonising pain.

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grandfather clock

back and forth

like a pendulum

sonorous clangs

constant ticking

and so on it goes

tocks maddening

before the jolt of

loud clamouring

back and forth

like a pendulum

dizzying cycles

trapped within

i wonder when

this grandfather

clock will cease

to fucking ring.

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Saving my Sleep for the Sirens

The frame, the friction
It’s the reason that we all become aware
And we change for no reason
Some say it’s better to fall asleep and disappear
It’s time we finally look at what we’ve done
And wake up…

~*~

I cannot sleep, this haunt persisted to stay

I need a hand here to suffocate my throat

Lie, otherwise I won’t have another today

Amidst arctic isles and glaciers I will float

.

Don’t they know that’s all I dream about?

Perhaps I am just too ambitious to forget

Say I’m right, indulged in septic fantasies

Teetering at the edge of a cliff over death

.

But my jealous mind is pushing me farther

I couldn’t dissolve my nightmares, after all

Standing with my back against the red sun

And screaming, I have never felt more tall

.

I am another thought that lacerates skins

If you bleed out because of me, so let it be

Seeking an escape, the exit sign’s blinding

And I’m chasing circles away from misery

.

I am slipping out, my foothold is unstable

Through rain and ashes, I bathe in debris

Threads unravelling of stitches miserable

I cannot fall from touch, never sedentary

.

I’ve wished for a dollar that I won’t be rich

They call me insane, but that’s the way it is

The point I try to make is never transparent

But the light from my lies makes it apparent.

~*~

So here we are, we’re waiting for a fall
And on the radio they’re calling on satellites
Like they’re going to save us all…

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que no tiene sano

you drive me

i n s a n e

but it’s always

m y  g a i n.

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A Mad Boy’s Love Letter

(Written as a reciprocal to Sylvia Plath’s Mad Girl’s Love Song. A poor reciprocation notwithstanding, but nevertheless, carry on.)

~*~

Charm that allures in whim

A grandiose wicked scheme

Deluding myself in dalliance

Chemical love, not romance

T’was my best man, insanity

Blackness simpers arbitrary

I dream a castigated fantasy

Pray judge such not harshly

.

If both lips existed out there

Then heaven, it must be rare

If you mayn’t one so tangible

Then hell, it may be beautiful

The stars, t’were yours alone

Though you needn’t bemoan

We shall carry our revelry on

To hanging gardens Babylon

.

I promised I will return warm

And collapse in abstract arms

Yet tragedy, it reared its face

My name was already erased

I mightn’t be the thunderbird

Roaring to my springtime girl

Rather a demigod, a faded blue

Making the world drop for you

.

For nay was I a corporeal creation

I lacked in belief to conjure it long

Without you love, I would be dead

(Or was it simply all inside my head?)

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The Diary of a Schizophrenic in an Asylum

(An attempt to see the world in the eyes of a schizophrenic. I greatly apologize for this mess of a poem I made.)

~*~

I am awake now.

My mind is in a constant state of disarray.

Shambles.

Entropy.

Torn to pieces.

Like pieces of paper in the wind.

I find no other purpose to exist in this world

Besides the Devil and His whims.

Why am I bothering to even write this down?

It won’t even matter at all.

My life is just invalid

My existence is a sham

I was just a terrible accident.

I don’t want to live.

I wasn’t meant to live at all.

But maybe I was?

Did Lucifer just want me to suffer

In this horrible, horrible world?

A mad man, that Morningstar was

Mad, mad, madder than me

But surprisingly a brilliant chap as well

Sent me to this place, yes He did.

Smart man. Smart move.

Where am I?

Am I dreaming? Am I dead already?

Carked it? Rotting off?

Infested with maggots at this very moment?

Where is this place anyways?

It can’t possibly be Hell.

It’s too white. Too clean.

Too clean for an impure man like me.

It needs more red. More black.

More inferno. More darkness.

Heaven?

Pure doesn’t exist in this filthy world.

It’s making my eyes hurt.

My eyes are hurting too much.

Blood. I see blood.

It’s bleeding off the damn walls.

Who’s to clean that up now?

Not I. I have enough blood on my hands.

No. It’s gone now.

It’s been replaced with black butterflies now.

They’re fluttering off into the window.

Goodbye, butterfly.

Who sent you to me?

It’s Asmodeus again, is it?

Oh, he’s the devil, He is.

That blighter is messing with my eyes again.

Or was it the man in white again?

He calls himself a “doctor”.

He says he could “help me recover”.

Ha! Such foreign, made-up words

Diving at the tip of his tongue.

What a sneaky, nosy, pesky pathetic liar.

Asking me questions like I couldn’t see

His true form at all.

He’s a messenger of the angels.

An advocate of the enemy.

He’s always trying to confuse me

With his sharp, sharp tongue

And his metal instruments of torture.

Ha. But he’ll never get me.

Constant vigilance.

He never will.

Who’s that I spot in a corner?

Oh no. It’s her again.

The faerie woman clad in black.

She’s back. No.

She’s the worst deceiver of them all.

I thought I killed her off.

The knife I used is still lodged in her back.

Pus and blood spurting off the wound.

She’s smiling at me with her razor teeth.

And stared with her empty eye sockets.

I feel utter shock.

Confusion.

Then madness.

The woman ripping at the seams

Exploding on my head

Tearing through my mind

Like the starved animal it is.

Faerie, faerie,

Why are you so cold-hearted and cruel?

Don’t hurt me.

I’m just a victim taken by the people in white.

The evil bastard angels.

No!

Not again.

Discord.

Too much discord.

They saw her.

They’re acting up again.

They’re rioting

And shouting

And begging for mercy

The voices in my head are.

Pounding through the walls of my skull

Rather hungrily

Such inconsiderate people

Their endless noise-making

Is giving me a headache

Something terrible.

I want to make them stop already.

I want to make the woman leave.

What should I do?

What could I do?

Nothing.

It’s inevitable.

I can’t do anything at all.

My hands are bound

My soul is shattered clean

My mind is unraveled

Like a fragile spider thread in a spool

Used as a noose.

The faerie woman smiles at me again.

Teeth flashing like fireflies, flash, flash

She whispers delicately “Nunc abire”

And with her bony hands covers my eyes.

I’m done for. Goodbye.

And so I scream and wail

Like a wounded animal in great pain

Though there is no one to hear me fall

And so I cry, like an oncoming storm

Until she envelops me and I can cry no more.

.

.

.

.

.

I am awake now.

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