Tag Archives: light

floral notebook

i pluck each petal off

the roses in your faltering

and floral notebook

.

chancing upon every

word, every smudge, every

catchy beat and hook

.

for the girls you kissed

your stars to, for the boys

you laughed with drinks

.

when the days are rife

and navy blue, and when the

midnight’s pastel pink

.

when the songs feel like

a thousand butterflies

chasing rainbows past your feet

.

and the screams endow

glass shards under your skin

and between your teeth

.

i pluck the roses off

your efflorescent notebook

listening to the echoes resonate

.

across the universe and in

a million miles, the scarlet petals

make another heart detonate.

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Ocean Breath

I’m denied the saunter

In my fluorescent laughter

Breaths a pond of enigma

Submerging under deliria

How did yesterday disappear

Behind lusting thorns of brier

Succulent madness fervent

Heavy is the intoxicating scent

Of the playacted midnight

Violence against lost respite

Fingers barely touching stars

Say you will delight me afar

Upon the liquid dream catchers

A woven hammock of water

Sing my lullabies back to rest

As railways twist unto west

Future caught between feathers

Of a soft incandescent laughter

Oxygen’s an ocean of sagacity

Burning out blinking lights of folly.

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Stars In Flight

The hope that you spilled onto my tongue

Still has no discernible taste

And all the second chances, times infinity

Felt like such a complete waste

I want to defy the serpents hissing profane

And light up these lips in butane

I want to believe that yesterday don’t exist

And cross it out of my checklist

But I relapse into hospital wedding gowns

In voices that don’t make a sound

Choking on gold ribbons, feeling the same

As I get tired of writing my name

Spinning in cycles of silver clouds and pose

Faith as banal as a lacerating rose

Telling heaven what I want again ‘til it hurts

Injured by hell, losing to my curse

Will I ever replace restless flames that ignite

As pretence returns to take the fight?

Will I close my eyes against the terror austere

Can I say I’ll still be here in a year?

But I hear you singing in the wind and echoing

Past empty hallways, ever listening

Sabotaging rusted knives deigning to be selfish

With a stellar colliding for the finish

You will never know you’re my angel, will you?

You’ll never know how many times

You saved me from falling out into dark oblivion

As desperation’s bile starts to arise

When you swore you won’t chase in circles south

And whispered as I held my mouth

I did yearn to die, but you make me want to fake it

Sleeping in carparks, I might make it

And the floral pain nearly tears my skin into shreds

But you drink away the poisoned lead

I’m screaming thoughts which you turned into wine

I couldn’t rest until I’m startled into fine

I never deserved all of this, though it might be sparse

You swore it’ll disappear, promise to stars

I’ll be alright, love, I can bleed away all my phantoms

Someday I’ll fly to you, away from rock bottom.

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Headlines & White Wine

I could never tell what’s on my mind when you are inside it

Lenient limerence against the lashing lacerations, on repeat

Over a cypress tree you painted in grey and told me to climb

Vagabond heart hiding behind a million branches, I can’t find

Elusive footprints you left in the virgin snow sing a soft melody

Defying the limbo I’m trapped in, fugue nightmare of my vanity

Your cinder block notes and forte strings cut me to the very bone

Orchard chasing sunset, counting sparrows until we end up alone

Undersea glow that drowned my eyes in a steady gurgling cadence

Victory you’ve held apart from me, my darling southern enchantress

I see now the sky you perceived, the suicide reds and sweetest scarlet

Clairvoyance of the words you tucked in my head, I won’t ever lose it.

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blinding glare

oh sweetie,

now aren’t you

just a ray of

fucking sunshine?

well why don’t

you go do me a

favour and just

burn yourself out?

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Sharp Edges

But these bruises don’t breathe

Unless you ameliorate them

With your own cold, lifeless hands

.

The daylight appears desolately bleak

Sucking out watercolour dawn and sunset

Waiting for you to speak about them

.

Jagged contusions that I tend to

Hiding constellations when you’re awake

Afraid that you’ll leave me for the light

.

Midnight is but a chemical rush

Your body is but an unfinished work of art

Morning is but an automatic languor

.

I’m useless anyway; so use my trophy eyes

And when you get tired of the view

You can blind me and throw away whatever’s left.

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Life and all Its Fickle Insanities

Is there a right way for being strong?
Feels like I’m doing things all wrong
Still I’m here just holding on
Confess my heart and forgive my wrongs
Just trying to show you something more…

~*~

You’re trying to keep from going insane

Biting down on your heart to keep from crying out in pain

Walking away from the tomorrow they promised

Would be a grand illusion of borrowed pleasantries

.

If nobody loves you, maybe you deserved none

Existence won’t wait for your fickle mindless derisions

Capture the scars, display them in an album

Filled with bad memories and flickering momentum

.

People might stay for the night, but won’t build your dreams

And the sunset taking back the light is more than it seems

You’re just trying to place the bets on the better

Picking the monochromes and greys in a palette of technicolour

.

Hanging barely on the tightropes by your two fingertips

And the audience might just cheer if you happened to sneeze

If nobody takes you, then maybe you’ll take yourself

Don’t bother trying to pick diamonds out of your golden chest

.

Your fractured ribs will give way to the recalescent candle that stares

Breaking the tongues of forever until you’re naif and unaware

Fighting back the night and holding on to the twisted path of right

Dying again and again until you find that final guiding light

.

You’re just trying to keep from keeping insane

‘Cause ain’t that the way of life and its arid little games

Walking towards the today no one will ever give you

But yourself, this illusion may be grand but the escape won’t beat you.

~*~

Nobody’s gonna love you
If you can’t display a way to capture this
Nobody’s gonna hold your hand
And guide you through, it’s up for you to understand
Nobody’s gonna feel your pain
When all is done and it’s time for you to walk away
When you have today, you should say all that you have to say…

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In Fiore

Begonias bluster vividly

Past my drenched songs

Though I never see them

Serenading airs in bloom

Papery petals whispering

Lullabies of a missing ache

Lost in faded throes of woe

Though never gone too soon.

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Butterfly Stitches

Give me a mouthful
And leave me nothing now
So chalk it up to the drone
Hack it out, wear it down
Where will you go when
You’re feeling blue?

~*~

i may never have the courage to do

the perseverance and hope that you pursue

like making snow castles out of icicles

and twisting lemonade out of bland honeydew

i cross my fingers for fibs not faith, it’s true

and my constellations are merely apologetic construes

but when i pretend there’s a horizon past the ceiling

i close my eyes and watch you taste the sun whilst tiptoeing

for you dance those rhythms that i’ve always faked

and fog the glass over your scribbled breathing mistakes

sew the thread past your heart to fix rivets and abate

shine your smile and sharpen your teeth when you awake

an incandescent perspective in this dismal existence

you may be hurt but you strive and fathom to make sense

dear, i may never have the courage to mend like you do

but your butterfly eyes encouraged me to try being brand new.

~*~

So save me and tell me how
it all got so doubtful
Leave me nothing now
Back on the old road
You’re wishing you’ll wind me down…

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Static Sessions

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive…

~*~

It’s rather strange and desensitisingly nerve-wracking, standing up there with shivering knees, under the judgment of glaring spotlights and hanging magenta lamps, and past the scrutinising pupils of a million watching stars. I do not feel like my own concrete entity, merely a disheveled apparition trapped in a foreign body. The amp screeches—jeeringly, it seems. I momentarily blanch. What the hell am I doing?

Perspiring profusely, trembling hands holding the gibberish lyrics to an unfamiliar forgotten song and an impatient crackling microphone, the beginning intro of the acoustic guitar sounds like a banshee’s scream that’s prompting my knotted larynx to begin making even an inkling of a noise. Quivering, quivering, quivering; dreadful hesitation and a near-death anxiety that wrings the delirious butterflies out of my stomach in an icy-cold freeze. An infinitesimal moment of silence. A skip of a heartbeat. A suffocating breath held until it coagulates. A spill of acherontic reluctance spilled down catatonic spines before one jolts and realises in shock that, surprise surprise, my parched mouth is actually producing sound!

Thus the song proceeds, with or without me. It’s up to me to chase after it’s vivacious footsteps. My voice is no longer my own, simply a phantom illusion; I barely feel it rising up and down, strumming the musical bars to the best of its abilities. Everything tastes like stereo static; clapping and cheering amid guitar and tambourine amid the anxious symphonies I relayed. The quaint scenario tangibly intensifies into a steady culmination, vertical horizons alighting into spontaneous combustion. Steadfast certainty underhandedly replaces the oscillating nervousness within me, pastel assurance slowly seeping in my ticking aegan-washed bones and strengthening every fibre of my abandoned sensibilities.

I find myself closing my eyes and loosening my grip, my driftwood soul getting pulled in the undertows of the euphoric moment. I can barely hear my own voice anymore, and I do not hear the crowd at all. Soprano, baritone, octaves, trebles, notes and rhythms and senselessness and song, they’re all that envelops me right now, my solitary company in this madness of a world. Raging fire burns in my emotions, thawing the glaciated blood in my veins, warming up the frostbitten angels barely holding my terse heartstrings together, bringing oxygen back to my perforating pulmonary flow; and nothing else matters anymore, only me and the music, the music and I.

The interlude swells into a deafening crescendo, and my frizzling neurons go off like fourth of July fireworks, showering the sky with brilliant sparks. It’s infinity on repeat, infinity in my teeth, infinity rushing low, infinity on an all-time high. This feels fucking amazing. What was there to be afraid of? Why had I been terrified all this time of such a ludicrous notion? Perhaps if I had steeled myself sooner, my brillo-pad songs would be less abrasive, and the ticking clock would’ve been on my side. But no matter, for I shall not dwell on the resentment of the past that keeps me embrangled within incarcerating doubt and merciless agony. Rather, I will focus on the now. This is me, doing what I never dared to do, doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m doing this for them, my beautiful divine motivations, though more importantly, I’m doing this for me, and for me alone.

The set comes to a slowing halt, the prospect tinging me with hints of sorrowful melancholy, and the audience bursts into polite applause, but the enraptured sensations linger still; and as I amble off the stage, I still find a soft lone melody humming whimsically at the back of my mellowing incandescent mind. It’s over, I sigh out to my palpitating lungs, to my shaky footing, to my disbelieving mind, attempting to calm my frantic pulse back into a metronome lullaby. But it will never be quite over, wouldn’t it? I ponder with a secret smile. I finally found my voice. I only hope I don’t lose it again. And I can only hope so hard it hurts that I don’t keep it to myself anymore.

~*~

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am…

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