Tag Archives: lost

see no evil, fear no evil

i counted seventeen vultures

circling above to rend my spoiled flesh apart

and feed me to their starving children

.

i thought i saw a raven

mocking my unfortunate fate

perched solemnly on a chiseled granite bust

weeping with plutonian pondering

.

as the foolish crows

sang me a heartless elegy

the epistles crumbled to ashes in my palms

and my fountain pen dried out

into blotted shadows

.

if only heaven were to open up

and save me from the ominous darkness

but there’s no room for another soul

to save; no vacancy to give

.

so i huddle beneath the branches

of the dying willow tree

and waited for them to take me alive.

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losing the moon

i sold the moon

to the saturn

tired of waiting

for it to turn

but when nights

lost their glow

i was quite sad to

see the moon go.

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Into The Nothing

Screaming on the inside, I am frail and withered
Cover up the wounds that I can’t hide
Walls that lie between us, the saint within the sinner
I have lost the nerve but it’s all right
Carry the wounded and shut your eyes…

~*~

A temporary twinge that sets back shadows

In the illumination of a thousand stars

Exhaustion slithering surreptitiously again

Impatient risks and one-sided grumbling wars

.

I could feel my heartbeat like a dulled knife

Chiseling my heart with a steady thump thump thump

Until all that’s left to carve away is ivory spine

Break the barricade with silencers and loaded guns

.

The imbibed bourbon as heavy as indebted money

And the cold turns into an unyielding freeze

Fingers tapped, reduced to painting bloody nibs

From trite entertainment that’s built on a transient lease

.

Distractions won’t sideswipe the prior chagrins

Vanilla ice cream is tasted again and again until it’s boring

And the sweetness turns my grimacing teeth numb

Suffocating on shaky breaths and nitrogen, I’ll succumb

.

Despite the ringing laughter, something still feels rather off

I shouldn’t be aching, I shouldn’t be alienated, I should be better

But instead I feel like a small plastic toy piece on the board

And before I know it, the cards are flipped, it’s game over, and I lost.

~*~

Into the nothing, faded and weary
I won’t leave and let you fall behind
Live for the dying, heaven hear me
I know we can make it out alive…

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cloudy

what if

dreams

are all

they really

will be?

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Astray

In the wandering throes of innocence

I wonder if I am truly—

Lost…

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Weightless

Make believe that I impress
That every word by design turns a head
I wanna feel reckless
I wanna live it up, just because
I wanna feel weightless
Cause that would be enough…

~*~

Right now, I think I’m alright. My orbit is spinning steadily, caught in constant motion against the gravity of greater stars, keeping me from flying away and colliding with other astral bodies. The stars I rely upon are simply breathtaking. I deign to taste their enthralling radiance, but I’m aware of the impossibility of such a foolish notion, so I simply content myself to revolving around it lightyears away, thanking it silently for keeping me in line as I admire it from afar. But sometimes, for no discernible reason, the gravity weakens, and for a moment I break and drift away, attempting to pull back to my tether, terrified that I may never be able to bring myself back to that gravity, to the only thing that’s keeping my from crashing and vanished into oblivion within a black hole, forever lost in the infinite void. Hydrogen flares in my atmosphere and almost burns me up, as I strain and strain and strain back to that star, to that planet, to my solitary source of hope and light that always falls out of reach, to no avail. Then, to my great relief, the gravity slowly returns, returns to take me back in its reassuring grasp, returns to make me feel safe, and I can breathe easy again, comforted in its halcyon force. But as I continue to spin around the star, I wonder when the day will come when I finally drift too far away, too far for the gravity to reach, too far for the star to save me, too far gone. Within me, an earthquake deepens the rift, spreading veins of crevices and cracks, making prominent, irreparable faults, my molten core’s coriolis barely holding me in. And I wonder, I do wonder, which one will win the unwinnable race, which event horizon will occur first to end me. Will I fall away or break apart?

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In Fiore

Begonias bluster vividly

Past my drenched songs

Though I never see them

Serenading airs in bloom

Papery petals whispering

Lullabies of a missing ache

Lost in faded throes of woe

Though never gone too soon.

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fleeting

you’re growing up

so fast and i can

see the neon lights

slowly flickering in

your hopeful eyes

here’s to cavalier youth

that’s yours to keep

i only pray that i don’t

ever see such a glow die.

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northern headaches

The August sky will then bare witness 
To a brand new chapter with torn up pages 
When the planets align, I can feel the gates opening 
To my courage as I proceed to run my fingers through her hair 
And forget everyone who’s jaded, ’cause they don’t matter…

~*~

sometimes i wish

that the northern lights

would disappear

at the tip of my tongue

and fade out into

blustering brushstrokes

of roseate evergreen

as if it was the words

to my seraglio symphony;

the distracting g-clef

submerged under an array

of spinning notes that dance

under the flimsy ebony

spill of the midnight breath

inhaling once, twice…

whispering woes of another

nightingale’s serendipity

bracelets interlacing the velvet

skeins of a dream that i once

lost…and i’m still losing…

i wander past vertical fields

and topsy-turvy ravines

until my footsteps are no

longer mine—to keep,

to feel, to trace with the

tip of my quill and ink

and i recede; as the nimble

mimsies that blush a vibrant

pastel on my flushed lips

kiss me a somatic farewell—

sometimes i wish that the

northern lights would never

melt and falter away.

~*~

Brash and hopeful 
That my luck will not perish tonight 
And when the overcast tries to kill me 
It’s your slow motion rain 
That falls warm on my neck that keep me alive…

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A Thousand Footsteps Away

Am I following too close?
Or am I right where I’m supposed to be?
Am I a million miles away?
Or am I so close I can almost reach?
Did I do it to myself?
Or did I really mean what I believe?

~*~

I’d leave a thousand times

And promise secrets I don’t intend to keep

Leave me alone in the valleys of ache

I will sing my drowning demons to sleep

.

I’d leave a thousand times

And swear to god I won’t pray anymore

Let me be to fester in my bloodstains

Like that mattered to you at all

.

I’d leave a thousand times

To retrace what was never there

When home was just a concept

And the white walls were once bare

.

I’d leave a thousand times

And speak about this infinite silence

When the doves come cooing back

I’m motionless in my presence

.

I’d leave a thousand times

And smile a smile that’s all teeth

This isn’t an ordinary cause for celebration

Let’s raise broken glasses at my defeat

.

I’d leave a thousand times

And say the lies I’ll hold to be true

Maybe this time the retreat will be short

And the release would be from me to you

.

I’d leave a thousand times

Just to come find myself again

If the raging undertows pull me under

Who knows what I’ll discover.

~*~

All I ever wanted was the blinding
Because all I ever saw was just a name
And all I ever wanted was to find it
It’s time, I finally know just what it means
To go off the rails, to go off the rails…

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