Tag Archives: lost

Febfair

Pondering all alone

Sitting with cold grass

Between curled fingers

And unfinished coffee

Making lips quite sticky

My unplugged earphones

Afraid to make sounds

.

Myriad stands flickering

With flashes of neon colours

Selling dresses and candy

And music and rowdy revelry

But just tell me, Mr. Vendor

Please, where can I buy

Someone to walk with tonight?

.

The crowds passing by

Friends, family, familiarity

Cheering, laughing, enjoying

When there is none for me

Surrounded by old strangers

White noise for humming ears

White noise for sad eyes

White noise in my tired mind

.

From thinking about eternities

Until there is nothing but space

Lost and loved and lost again

An unsent greeting hovering

Anxiety creeping and crawling

As I patiently wait for a person

Who doesn’t even exist at all.

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Paternoster

I still look for you

In suffocating temples

Within the faith I lost

And in mindless rituals

.

Mumbled promises

The kind I couldn’t keep

Memories that grow

More distant as I sleep

.

I still look for you

When the pangs cut through

All the could-have-beens

Just a name they never knew

.

Maybe there’s an afterlife

And maybe I’ll turn out okay

Memories will stay with us

Even if you’re long gone away.

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Macrocosmic Defiance

Heaven knows that I’m born too late
For these ghosts that I chase
With these dreams, I inflate
Painted skies in my brain
Every day, I’m Carl Sagan in space
To escape this old world

~*~

Lift me up to where the sun hits my eyes just right

Ascending the ardent blurriness of reality itself—

.

Hushed diatribes alongside dug molehills of promises,

Reaching the peak of Everest itself, our still momentum;

The gravity of the situation feels as heavy as lost comets

On the ground, daydreamers with their heads crushed

By nimbus clouds, the senseless thunder that lingered

And threatened to take a strangle at wispy-thin necks

.

Caught in a modern guillotine, but who pulled the twisted rope?

.

So hold my hands and twist my wrists nearly backwards

We shall let the gallows humour simply speak for itself again

And carry every fleeting memory to where it aches—where it matters.

~*~

And when I fall to rise
With stardust in my eyes
In the backbone of night
I’m combustible
Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep
Awake, I’m too tired…

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santa’s not real (but you might be)

Wrap me up like a present
And put me away
And when it gets cold, I’ll be yours
Let the bells ring on a fool’s holiday
I swear that I’m more than just
Broken promises…

~*~

i will find you

in wine coolers

and silent carols

and hallmark films

that we both hate

.

your tinsel smirk

in a mistletoe twist

red and green and

stupid clichés on

pink candy cane lips

.

we can stay away

from rude relatives

bland after-dinners

pull the sweater over

our eyes just to hide

.

don’t wake me up

when the fireside’s

snuffed-out, and this

hangover feels like

a feverish nevermind

.

wrap up the year

a humourless cheer

the star fell off the

tree, and the cat stole

half the ornaments

.

but i will find you

in crystal snowdrops

and visiting ghosts

for you’re the childish

wonder that i once lost.

~*~

Decorations can change
Like tinsel and ribbon so
Do not open ’til you’ve got
Forever to spend with me
On a fool’s holiday.

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down by the fairy ring

oh, this wayward glow

i catch sleepy lightning bugs

and send them off to space

with one last quiet hug

they’ll light up the horizons

for you, when i failed to

do the very same, only you

melt me down like the

plastic jewelry you wear

the crude good luck charms

tarnished promise rings

and the ancient silver locket

with our very first picture inside

the one i always hated

because my hair stuck up

in such strange places, but you

thought it was funny and i

found myself laughing along

recklessly, almost afraid to

let my contracting insides show

pushing down the declaration

building castles in my head

though there’s no one in distress

inside to swoop in and rescue

only my monstrous self

just another forgotten tale

in a dead language no one speaks

but for a moment, i wondered

if you understood it—if you

understood me; the way your

delicate dimples danced to your

own melodies, a half-wit grin

dripping with sonatas and sonnets

and sweet sarcasm, somehow

endearing me like a lantern mystery

buy the paper sun is never mine

to keep, and so away it floats

up to that sky with its purple moon

and flaxen lightning bugs, and

you will nestle perfectly within the

crook of andromeda’s final embrace

for you belong in a place i lost

you belong in a place i don’t.

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high beams

the traffic lights

look far different

.

when i walk alone

a tempting waltz

.

dandelions burn

beneath my knees

.

and the crosswalk

blurs my eyesight

.

heading back home to

where grief tastes okay

.

but if the sunset asked

me to leave with it now

.

to paint my hands with

orange and abendrot

.

like stars and headlamps

shimmering before me

.

and all the colours i lost

in my travels around town

.

would i answer quickly

would i simply tell it yes?

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Okinawa (Taking The Long Way Home)

Hopeless; soft sigh of my shamelessness

Almost anechoic now, rather hurting your

Perfect prelude as you cross nocturnes into

Plaques of deception, I crave the vicious way

You crept under my closed eyelids and let my

.

Bloodstream clog up with letters of your name

Infected and depleted, frantic and lovesick like

Redbones and restless sentiments as I befall back

To the insomniac midnight runs that broke in my

Head like it was just another swollen, gaping scab

Daring me to pick at it, to pick it up, to pick you out

And spill my thoughts all over the ceiling’s leaky holes

Yes, you are and will be the only one, begotten wonderer

.

Arrogances forsaken—! I vehemently collide directly into

Never, never again, never yours, never there, never more

Distal anoxia, stiffly reaching out, these hands—fractured

Your staccato rings out to alarm the wolves, for I am to your

.

Carrion as you are to my crudely-preserved trophy head displayed

Iridescent phantom may you be yet afterlife barely transpired, just a

Zeitgeist fleeing the tides under the midst of November’s temper bloom

Enamoured harshly to your facsimiles and facades and fastidious blues

Keeping worn-down stars in my pocket for another year lost again to you.

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the brightness of life

and at the end of

this asphyxiated

sunrise, what do

we have to gain?

was it a sense of

clarity, or simply

arrogant shame?

.

cross the threshold

hitting dead centre

the dark flags that

sheathed your eyes

will taint gold vision

with another kind of

negative space answer

.

because what was

left to pain, but all

the ones that were

cruelly left behind?

pretending empathy

while erasing names

off our fragile minds

.

too far lost to save

and recovering only

twisted histories and

rewriting our miseries

do you feel that sense

of serendipity, or do you

simply feel the same?

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somewhere in balington drive

you’re every

city street

i picked tender

flowers out from

the ones that

bloomed from

the footsteps

you left behind

on rough pavement

as sodium lights

slept and doors

closed to the rhythm

of a hypnogogic

reverie—hush

but not quite still

silhouettes shifted

bodies left imprints

some alleyways

left a window open

for latecomers

and lost stragglers

and outsiders

i being one of them

but there are no

open anythings for me

only the bitter taste

of neon grey and

a last-minute wave

as you held your breath

and the flowers fell

from my shaky grasp

but there was no one

else around to pick

them back up

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Dame en Rouge

Si seulement elle savait comment
Comment tu la regardais elle serait effrayée
Si seulement elle savait comment
Comment tu l’imaginais elle pourrait t’abîmer
Mais laisse, laisse le temps
Il pourrait vous donner une chance de vous retrouver…

~*~

Lady in red

Rousing my dreams

You caught me by the mouth

And never let go

Until I deigned for more

To be the girl that you adored

To be the safest place

Behind locked doors in an

Endless maze

When her darkness

Played for another chase

Sweet words came flirting out

As scarlet as the lips

Leaving marks all over my face

And I wore them

Like the battle scars

Even though you clearly won

Me over and over me

You always left but I’m too far gone

Gone into this cold revelry

To find myself seeking for thrills

In a bottle of sleeping pills

Just so I could have a chance

To sweep you over for

Our final macabre danse

And when we both snuck away

For a cigarette, and perhaps a date

I found myself unwilling

To keep ourselves waiting but

The shadow woman

Then dared to violently strike

Shrieking for a cold-blooded fight

Wanting to take you back

And all away from this

Heartless madness

Maroon as the hands we held

And nearly tore

To try to keep intruders out

All before you sacrificed yourself

To save me from further

Having to quell their doubts

Desperately begging

Tears a tornado angrily swelling

You walked into her shadows

She laughed victoriously

You whispered a final farewell

I called your name

And I awoke—

A silent scream

Abrupt lamentation

Pained position

A hypnogogic confusion

Still searching for those poison eyes

To cripple my veins and

The sordid taste of chemical dye

As crimson as the

Lady in red

The reckless lover I never had

But always lost

I still wonder how

Only in my deepest nightmares did

I matter to you the most.

~*~

Mais tu voudrais qu’elle soit ta reine ce soir
Même si deux reines c’est pas trop accepté
Mais tu voudrais qu’elle soit ta reine ce soir
Toi, les rois tu t’en fous, c’est pas ce qui te plaît…

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