Tag Archives: lost

the brightness of life

and at the end of

this asphyxiated

sunrise, what do

we have to gain?

was it a sense of

clarity, or simply

arrogant shame?

.

cross the threshold

hitting dead centre

the dark flags that

sheathed your eyes

will taint gold vision

with another kind of

negative space answer

.

because what was

left to pain, but all

the ones that were

cruelly left behind?

pretending empathy

while erasing names

off our fragile minds

.

too far lost to save

and recovering only

twisted histories and

rewriting our miseries

do you feel that sense

of serendipity, or do you

simply feel the same?

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somewhere in balington drive

you’re every

city street

i picked tender

flowers out from

the ones that

bloomed from

the footsteps

you left behind

on rough pavement

as sodium lights

slept and doors

closed to the rhythm

of a hypnogogic

reverie—hush

but not quite still

silhouettes shifted

bodies left imprints

some alleyways

left a window open

for latecomers

and lost stragglers

and outsiders

i being one of them

but there are no

open anythings for me

only the bitter taste

of neon grey and

a last-minute wave

as you held your breath

and the flowers fell

from my shaky grasp

but there was no one

else around to pick

them back up

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Dame en Rouge

Si seulement elle savait comment
Comment tu la regardais elle serait effrayée
Si seulement elle savait comment
Comment tu l’imaginais elle pourrait t’abîmer
Mais laisse, laisse le temps
Il pourrait vous donner une chance de vous retrouver…

~*~

Lady in red

Rousing my dreams

You caught me by the mouth

And never let go

Until I deigned for more

To be the girl that you adored

To be the safest place

Behind locked doors in an

Endless maze

When her darkness

Played for another chase

Sweet words came flirting out

As scarlet as the lips

Leaving marks all over my face

And I wore them

Like the battle scars

Even though you clearly won

Me over and over me

You always left but I’m too far gone

Gone into this cold revelry

To find myself seeking for thrills

In a bottle of sleeping pills

Just so I could have a chance

To sweep you over for

Our final macabre danse

And when we both snuck away

For a cigarette, and perhaps a date

I found myself unwilling

To keep ourselves waiting but

The shadow woman

Then dared to violently strike

Shrieking for a cold-blooded fight

Wanting to take you back

And all away from this

Heartless madness

Maroon as the hands we held

And nearly tore

To try to keep intruders out

All before you sacrificed yourself

To save me from further

Having to quell their doubts

Desperately begging

Tears a tornado angrily swelling

You walked into her shadows

She laughed victoriously

You whispered a final farewell

I called your name

And I awoke—

A silent scream

Abrupt lamentation

Pained position

A hypnogogic confusion

Still searching for those poison eyes

To cripple my veins and

The sordid taste of chemical dye

As crimson as the

Lady in red

The reckless lover I never had

But always lost

I still wonder how

Only in my deepest nightmares did

I matter to you the most.

~*~

Mais tu voudrais qu’elle soit ta reine ce soir
Même si deux reines c’est pas trop accepté
Mais tu voudrais qu’elle soit ta reine ce soir
Toi, les rois tu t’en fous, c’est pas ce qui te plaît…

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Continuums

It’s a statistical impossibility multiplied

I knew the chances worked against me

But I went on ahead and paid the price

Never knowing how much it really cost me

.

You wrote unsent letters for someone else

The very same way I always do for you

Are we both just chasing phantoms, then?

Love, are we both craving nothing new?

.

The pain spreads violence in my thoughts

Saturating every lusted wakeful nightmare

You’re tearing me away, you never found out

That this world is more than willing to play unfair

.

But I guess it’s my fault, I handed you the bullets

That ran under my skin in these times of despair

When my vulnerabilities gouged holes in my system

Connect the dots all you want, but I’m beyond repair

.

The last time I said was the last time I’ll do this

But it lasted too long to last—this time, I mean it

You’re just too vague, oh, this is all just too simple

I let my veins die for the sake of an open answer

.

Now the impossible’s melting, but melting into red

I knocked back bland neurosis just to sedate my head

I knew this was coming for me, I know that you’ll never care

But why does it hurt even more when there’s no space left to be unaware?

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…and skyward, to come home.

save my

sensibility

the wrongness

of being right,

ludicrous—

mothballs taper

off to fixtures

on the wall;

your portraits

five. nine. nine.

not knowing

the date and place

but persisting to

hitch a hearse

for the winners

and you sleep

and you slept…

cheek to the gutters

like rainwater and

dry ice melting

but the puddles are

still far too cold

to be touched

with bare hands

.

your malevolence

my destiny

a love, chased

down with laudanum

and bitter spirits

starving for fire

not mine, no—

but angels won’t

exist just to see us

fall away and die,

and if i do so

let it be beside you

and these memories

of springtime

and soft sadness

discoloured fingernails

pointing to the sun

sending wishes

holding on tightly

never there?

never where—

not the awful thought

of losing you out

to another bore

.

when i’ve got

good stories to tell

and a bad heart

to prove innocent

hear me out, please

your music speaks

in earthquakes

and perfect fifths

though abstract

the ends may seem

myopic gaze

did you lose sight?

so save my sorry

humanity and

your flesh betwixt

mine again

for countdowns

don’t matter if

time doesn’t

make amends, when

you’ll be just fine

i know—but then

what am i?

what am i now?

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epochs

i’m overthinking

you’re my overthought

hope lost to the seasons

confused sympathy forgot

flavescent streetlights

doubt and paranoia

dimming like bad habits

can’t be more than nostalgia

left cold in the end with

a wicked iridescence

was it all just a mistake?

all falling out of better sense

.

i’m overthinking

you’re my overthought

i promised to escape

unlacing every tangled knot

and embers dying out to

shivering uncertainties

of a fugacious infatuation

your effervescent kiss

so let me be the patience

and the future violence—once

my mind falls with daybreak

resting with our unfazed dalliance.

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blizzards

it’s 3 a.m.

why does it

still hurt

everywhere

nowhere

now here—

months don’t

fade like

you do,

like your

blue so vivid

sweet oh sweet

oh no…oh.

why do i

do this when

i know it’ll

only deprive

me of oxygen

bruised skin

lost in your

aether, cold

forever

and ever

and ever

and never.

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Ornate Messes

Don’t react when I tell you
That bright lights mean
Nothing to you
Because no one would know
The sound of a ghost
And I might be something to you
Beyond beautiful…

~*~

aching fingers

and lavender sunsets

a collection of

scrambled letters

disguised as your name

.

dusty lines scribbled

on the back of a

twice-used post-it note

in this long stretch of

afternoon torpor—

.

creaky guitar strings

played out of tune

exhausted calluses

a step in the right key

still proudly smiling,

.

two hours of strange

dreams, and excitement

before awakening;

a walk into stunning

darkness, mere glimpses

.

of moonlit epistles,

coffee after midnight

existential wishes

shooting stars dragging

out hope and lost love,

.

rekindled aspirations

blooming into memory

a song finally taken

to heart, after years of

waiting for the right time.

~*~

My darling, never rest
Until the darker gets
The best of all we had
Can the cold carry on?

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amnesiac

11:15 PM, 04.12.19.

i remember

how you used to have

a place in my

memory

but i’m so forgetful

and the shades

are fading

away to a dull grey

like it’s a static

vacation

turned off to

a lost radio station

and you knew,

you knew…

didn’t you?

um, i can’t recall it

anymore—but

all i know is that

i’m fucked up

i fucked up

i fucked it all up.

and i ruined

everything

we had going on

in that warm

summer conversation

where you made

sense, and i

made amends

and the music wasn’t

bad and flat like

a can of unopened

lime soda—

now nothing will ever

be the same again.

i wonder

i wonder much.

i wandered too much.

my head hurts.

everything hurts now.

it’s weird,

but my thoughts

are so numb

and i’m starting to

forget again…

i’m sorry.

who are you?

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Awiting Buntala (Comet Songs)

Nakahiga sa kaparangan

At minamasdan ang buwan

Bumubulong ng tahimik

Nawala sa lumang panaginip

Kahit malamig ang ihip ng hangin

Sapat na ang bawat mahinay na tingin

Habang humaharana ang sandaigdig

At ako’y nalulugod sa pakikinig

Umaasa pa rin, sa isang balang araw

Na merong nakakabit na dito at ikaw

At ang bawat patak ng asul na gabi

Mahuhulog, matutulog sa ating tabi.

Lying on the meadows

And gazing at the moon

Whispering rather quietly

Lost in a vintage dream

Though the breeze blows cold

Each peaceful gaze is enough

While the universe serenades

And I am lulled while I listen

Still hoping for a someday soon

Connecting both here and you

As every drop of this cobalt midnight

Falls to repose between us two.

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