Tag Archives: memories

silent summers and wasted memories

They used to be the rivers
That would take us away
But now you only call me
Every Christmas and my birthday…

~*~

diving into

liquid reveries

and searching for

lost words

i could never

set past my

grievous tongue

in endless

nights of misadventure

and chicanery

rife with fondness

and hyperbole

and playful kicks

jovial as it hits

our wayside brains

though never

directly spoken

we were speaking

in a language

that only we

could decipher

leaving the rest of

the world to wonder

what amuses our

strange souls so

little did they know

we were laughing

at them all along

for they could

never understand

how these broken gears

spin and stutter

and how we turn such

mechanical gnashes

into a symphony

listening to each other’s

lilting cacophonies

until sunset hits

our bloodshot eyes

bidding us its goodnight

and i yearn for those

pastel-shade days…

of glib tongues

talking about stuff

and sheer nonsense

and insensibility

and rancid relativity

and bouts of sovereignty

in blue screen deaths

and sleep infidelity

now a distant polaroid

fettered in grey

and fragmented by time

a memory daze—

i break the surface of

my reminiscing

almost forgetting to

catch my breath

and write the words

i remembered to think

but never said aloud

hoping someone could

still hear the wind…

it was a delicate summer

and yet, rather wasted

on dead air and empty silence

that much, i know

that much, i could see

and that much, i wonder

i wonder if you knew

and i’m rather curious

why are we wasting

time again?

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There’s Something About Her

Am I eccentrical? 
Exactly what you want
You’d rather give me up
I’m all alone, yeah, I’m alive
Just see how I arrive
Am I someone that you adore?

~*~

What is it about you

That makes me believe

That I’m always less

Of me than I need?

.

What is it about you

That makes me vain

To throw bricks at your

Window when it rains?

.

What is it about you

That makes me stare

To spit in my own eyes

Frustrated that I care?

.

What is it about you

That makes me envy hurt

As the sting of your apathy

Tastes like bittered ice curt?

.

What is it about you

That makes me feel bad

That makes me feel anger

And shitty love in a ballad?

.

What is it about you

That makes me remember

Conversations hostaged by

A gun, memories never over?

.

What is it about you

That makes me see myself

In the chasm of your eyes

Drinking me in to the death?

.

What is it about you

That makes me ask again

Even though you ceased

I’m tempted to keep you in?

.

What is it about you

Making me loathe you thorough

Tell me, just what is it about you

That makes me deign for you so?

~*~

I don’t care, don’t let me die here
Wait, you know I wanna, wait, you know I’m gonna
It’s like you want me to, it’s like you want me to
Stay, you know I’m gonna, stay, you know I wanna
It’s like you want me to, it’s like you want me to fail…

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Reanimation

You know that you had to know that I’d be on my way
It happened long ago there’s nothing more to say
And I don’t wanna be the one to tell you blood is on your hands
And I don’t think you realize or even understand so I say…

~*~

Now we’re just casual foes counting casualties

Waiting for a staid hello to recount the vacancies

But never leaving, never giving the pleasantries

At the back of our heads to shoot what we missed

.

Was there any answer? Am I just a necromancer

Bring back to life what was long gone, washing

My eyes to the sun to remind the sky forever that

The nights will bleed into red, and I hold the gun

.

Maybe it was too soon, maybe I picked the wrong tune

To sing at the funeral of a wedding march at the very end

Of the line, is it time, is it mine? What was yours to take

Every mindless mistake, yours to blame, yours to suspend

.

So go on, go on, it doesn’t matter if I get pulled along

This is my lullaby, only this night I’ll be sleeping alone

What was to gain from the concrete rain? Falling under

Going under, don’t hold your breath, this isn’t any better

.

Now we’re just casual foes counting, cashing our casualties

Waiting for the stagnant goodbye to enter the lost vacancies

Of the reason, of every treason of the damn good memories

At the back of our heads, I only wonder what we’ve missed.

~*~

Days go by, some good and some are bad, soon you’ll realize
It all goes by so fast and its over, it’s something that you can’t get right
Or maybe you just have no time, it seems like everybody’s gone
‘Cause that’s none of mine, you say that I’m just wasting time
But I would say that I’m doing alright, I’m on to better days…

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Thirteen Minutes Of Scattered Reflection

1.

Insipid thoughts

None of them so much

As to be considered

Noteworthy—

I’m going to write

It down anyway.

2.

Dawn falling in fragments

Chasing the nightmares

Back into my drowsy head.

3.

Classic novellas that

End with a kiss

Rather silly, when

The whole point

Of the story

Is missed.

4.

Am I still your delight?

The pinnacle that throws

Blossoms under your sheets

And makes you smile with

Atrocious gesticulations?

Am I still your late nights,

Or has insomnia coquetted you?

5.

The silver snow stirred

In an autumn pantomime

My patio steps are slippery

A blackbird hums distant.

6.

I promised I shan’t admit such a thing, but…

The songs they sing feel like home.

8.

The irretrievable memories

Of you laughing drunkenly

Under sodium streetlights

As I kept the secret of time

Away so we wouldn’t have

To depart so suddenly now.

9.

Realm infected shadows slip under cedar oak limb

And they painted solemn lips a disorienting black

Vagabond lilies predicating the spirits of escapism

And again the sober hostages soused away the rest

With thrushes, silhouettes and asphodel disembark.

10.

The magnet polaroids

Stuck to the refrigerator door

Showing a false smile under layers of

Clown-vicious makeup

In a bad party for the ageless

…How disgusting.

11.

The pedestrians of Ridgemont High

Are caught in fast times

And the brake halt threw their heads

Out of the car window.

12.

My pulse is dancing in colourful circles

Won’t you try to catch its flightless beat?

13.

Calla-lilies serenade the moon

Icicles piercing icteric sunshine

Stars made for butterfly cocoon

Frog grass stepping, undefined

A diary written in brushstrokes

Of one artless individual’s chest

My ink is bleeding out and soak

I’ll tear out the pages of the rest.

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Deca[y]dence

Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky…

~*~

Desiccated spaces where a heart used to be

Arrogant sneers, spilling away immortality

Stepping on the detritus of a calamitous lie

Polygraphs seizing and intervening us nigh

.

Your distress signal under a burning bridge

Narcotic teeth fall out, in a pulmonary hitch

Wretched iridescence transposed into matte

Insurgent eugenic narrated our contingency

.

Beliefs bleeding out down a bathroom drain

Transmitting onto veins a rapacious disdain

Don’t save the accident for a dull reparation

Hospitals aren’t amused by a prestidigitation

.

The perpetrators backfiring, victims rupture

A mistake that won’t be held back by sutures

In the oil, propane, and faulty brakes, I’ll see

Decomposed vacuum where a soul used to be.

~*~

And when I close my eyes tonight
To symphonies of blinding light
God bless us everyone, we’re a
Broken people living under loaded gun…

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The Home Inside My Head

I’m getting pretty good at leaving, my patience isn’t wearing thin
Autumn never ends in my head, no matter how far I’ve been
It feels like everybody is the branch and I’m the leaves
Falling from the top of every leafless tree…

~*~

Seven lies, to make up for the ones I spent on you last night

Veneration and admiration melting into stained-glass spites

Memories triggered on the revolver with an empty chamber

A diamond bullet for each bloodstain that I fail to remember

.

This is way more complicated than smoking on the dashboard

And sitting on the basement stairs, tying another noose’s cords

An apartment with a single chair and a couch to accommodate

The monsters that visit my bedroom when I am staying up late

.

Doorways without a doorknob, a stone key without a brass lock

A broken doorbell with a barren picture frame, so please knock

Provisions of diverse renditions settling in moth-frayed drapery

Your overplayed excuses taste like naphthalene on dust bunnies

.

Under the lampshade where you hid those secrets and the baggage

You stowed away with hallmark cards and epipens for easy storage

Brass tacks and rusty corkscrews can’t alter the sound of voicemail

Last year it was our symphony, now it’s just another ire on the scale

.

A ghost of the tenant occupying an abandoned and decrepit residence

Ancient tales of foreboding snatched by shadows, gaunt reminiscence

The home inside my head feels much more spacier with a lodger gone

Past vacant stares and for sale signs, perhaps it is time I end my haunt.

~*~

The home inside my head has a bed for me
That no one will ever get the chance to see
A kitchen table with one chair, walls with
Empty picture frames no one will ever see…

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Oblivisci Memoria Retinentes

And when the night time’s calling
And the rain starts falling
Will you still remember my name?
And when you’re out til’ morning
And the drinks keep pouring
Do you think you’ll feel the same?
I need to know, I need to know
Do you feel the same?

~*~

Do you remember

The night I said later

Climbed out the window

And left my calling card

On the dark side of the moon?

Do you remember

When you threw a taut rope

In the vainless hopes

Of returning the dying stars

Back to the breathless horizon?

Do you remember

The days when you slept alone

And my nightstand polaroid

Was a perennial reminder

Of the things you destroyed?

Do you remember

The dreams we painted on the ceiling

Now cracking and bleeding

Falling off in ugly peels of sterling

The prayers meant to be losing?

Do you remember

The things I’ve forgotten

In alcohol walkways

As I stayed up past eleven

This time in an empty pub haven?

Do you remember

What made you love this hate

When our veins faded away

Leaving a mess on tangled fate

And I’ve done nothing but to wait?

Dear, do you remember?

I can only hope it stays forever

Do you even remember my name

When again you forgot to call

I’ve kept these nightmares for a long time

Do you even remember me at all?

~*~

Sometimes when you love someone
You gotta let them go, let them go
Will you feel the same in the pouring rain?
Will you scream my name?

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Sidewalk Outlines

I’m half remembered, halfway across the world
Twice removed from a second home
The shadow of a ghost in an old haunt
With a lease on life, ’cause I can’t afford to own
When being young starts getting old
A new place saves face or so I’m told
Be the new kid, on an old block…

~*~

Chalk letters and chalk outlines

Of your body in the blacktop

Playground games that defined

The monsters I couldn’t stop

.

I’m always critical of critics

Casting stones among its kin

As short-sight lovers kicked

Caution off the curbs to win

.

My criminal words misleading

The restless radio remembering

Those vertigo grenades I threw

And I never thought it through

.

Friction turns to sparks but

There is no fuel to feed me

A life of lies, forget-me-not

Legends of a falsified story

.

It’s a big mistake, a big revelation

Towards problematic medication

Substances crafted to taste bitter

Pretending to make me feel better

.

Mechanical cities erasing our names

So say goodbye to playground games

Struggles turned to memories killed

And your chalk outline is left unfilled.

~*~

I’m just a moment, so don’t let me pass you by
We could be a story in the morning
But we’ll be a legend tonight—
Cause you and I, we’re alive
But just for a moment…

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Little Blue Boys

Little chubby blonde boy

And his big brother holding

A blue mini-soccer ball

Oh, here they come a’gigglin

Little chubby blonde boy

And his big brother grinning

In their olive-green trike

Oh, there they went a’ridin.

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Postcards and Polaroids

Hey, I know it hurts to watch me leave
But say it ain’t so, how could you ever replace me?
You’re so shy when you wanna be standing in front of me
Mind spinning in circles, you’re waiting to speak
These hands here in front of me anxiously wait to see
How’s it gonna be?

~*~

There’s splinters in your voice

And rusty needles within mine

If you honestly think it is not

We’ll both sing until I’m dying

Burn me in acerbic memories

Of another sophisticated heart

And there’s a deathbed waiting

But it wouldn’t keep us apart

For anagrams and polaroids

In lost horizons of liquid grey

In letters of an erased caption

As the wind spells out your face

In yellowing stamped postcards

Thrown in a fireplace’s compost

Replaced with ashen reminiscent

I’ll remind you of what you lost

Dear, I’m bedridden with guilt

And your fading name made me

Tear all the IV lines away and out

And drop out of ancient history

Was I wrong to do things right?

The bleeding keeps getting worse

As the stains fall against your lips

And in my paper-thin cotton shirt

But we’re only chasing nightmares

Dragged in our sempiternal reveries

Like the delusions of a red madman

Until we trip and skin both our knees

So tie a garrote ribbon around my neck

And keep a white daisy chain entangled

On my wilting hair and in my frail skin

I’ll hang myself cold and star-spangled

Darling, your ocean eyes are distracting me

There’s nothing but infinite abyss in mine

If you honestly think I’ve never fathomed this

I’ll let you go away so you’ll have a chance to be fine.

~*~

Before I go, oh oh oh oh
Let me remind you what you’re waiting for
Before you go, oh oh oh oh
Could you love me just a little bit more?
One more time…

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