Tag Archives: mess

Dominance

And you’ll see your closest ones go first
Who needs enemies you’ve got friends
I’m a gentleman and you’re a liar
I expect the best of you but it’s so hard…

~*~

Oh, that never-ending thrum of her lifeblood. Splashing under vein and skin perceptibly, the splattered stains of her rogue lip-gloss submerging the hazy mascara-smudged gazes that she immediately crashed to the linoleum floor with a rejected dismay. What a mess—she looks drop-dead gorgeous tonight.

I approach her cautiously, casual and debonair, as to discourage unnecessary alarm. I admit, I was never one for such contrivances, writing unromantic lyrics at the back of my hand just so I can hold hers, irony unkindly spitting in my face with a sneer. Yet should she fancy a cosmopolitan to tear away the shreds of her enmities, I’ll be holding out a martini glass and nodding sympathetically, twisting the grim words as if it were Romeo’s dagger deeply shoved in her caved-in chest. Don’t bleed out yet, dear fragile porcelain girl, my obsequious platitudes and sycophantic adulation are yours to hoard and accrue. I’ll acquiesce in this chemical compliance to adorn your melancholy with rude festivities, I swear upon my heart.

Listen closer…do you hear her shattering tears inciting instantaneous panic on the dancefloor, digging holes deep enough for graves and hawking out salacious vultures to claw their way for the poor damsel in distress? Listen. Don’t be distracted by the jubilant electronic music whose undertones screamed of a mechanical cadaver behind the microphone, and hear the sound of a thousand starving beats ready to rend her apart. There they are now, the prurient salivating bastards, screeching and cawing shrilly, swooping closer and closer, razor beaks ready for the kill. It was up to me to stave the ravenous scavengers off tooth and nail, and never should it be said that such a task was not without tribulation.

I left that place beaten and badly wounded. But I do not mind the pain, for these fresh battle scars are an instrument of deceit; it shall only drag her in further into the elaborate delusion I set up for her to indulge herself in. She’s smitten by woe, deluded by pity, confused by liquor, a triumvirate of a perfect malleable soul. In her bloodshot eyes, I’m the bleeding fragile porcelain boy now, and it’s her adamant responsibility to pick up the pieces of my flesh that the scavengers left behind, it’s her self-blame and guilty contrition that will bandage them back together and fix my bruises to the best of her abilities. Deja vu, it seems. Yet, observe how the tables have turned. But no matter. She has my heart, if I had any at all. She is solely mine now. She is mine.

Listen…listen again. Listen closer, and hear the faint orchestral symphonies of her gossamer abstract body keeping me awake all day and singing me to sleep all night. Oh, that never-ending thrum of her lifeblood. How it tastes so fucking sweet between my sullied palms. How it thrums no longer now.

~*~

Let’s start over
When we reach the top, we’ll watch you bury yourself
This wasn’t easy, it wasn’t easy
I watched the weight of your world cave in to crush you.

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Just Look At The Mess You Made

Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
Clean me off, I’m so dirty babe
The kind of dirty where the water
Never cleans off the clothes…

~*~

flies on your shoulder

blood in your sundress

darling girl of the hour

did you make this mess?

spelling decayed wrists

a blade for the clergies

vomit on blonde tresses

did you make this mess?

makeups smear breakup

a suicide note in lipstick

clean is now so careless

did you make this mess?

bathroom tiles shattered

pills and mirror scatters

a beauty fed to the beast

did you make this mess?

broken bones and skins

as agonist lungs scream

darkness she confessed

did you make this mess?

monsters devour a mind

it’s nothing you can find

a darling girl, mum’s best

why are you such a mess?

~*~

Only go so far ’til you bury them
So deep and down we go
Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace
I did it all so maybe I’d live this every day…

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open season

i have never told you a single thing

because i do not want you involved

i do not want you to get in the way

of such trainwreck i have devolved

if it was better for me, i would bite

they all say it’s what’s fucking right

but i know there’s not a damn point

there’s only cliche bullshit to anoint

of medication and invasive therapy

that leaves no personal room for me

and i do not want paid-for sympathy

nor will i waste my time for insanity

six years i’ve been dealing out alone

and i’m still alive right now, aren’t i?

i’ve done everything to keep it all in

fucked in the head with fucking lies

but i’m fighting back, broke apology

i cut my wrists, but never too deeply

i repress depression, relapse, release

i’ve people to pull me out of the seas

i still hope, i still dream, and i’ll love

i’m still disgustingly human by blood

i am damaged, but that does not mean

that i’m not trying to change anything

so please just stay away from this mess

and honestly, this is just all for the best

say it’s help my mind need endures, but

you just might end up making me worse.

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self-apology

i’m sorry

i’m breaking

i can’t keep

myself together

i’m sorry

for the veins

and all the ties

that i might sever

i’m sorry

that i keep on

throwing out any

attempts to be better

i’m sorry

i’m a fucking mess

and i’m sorry it’ll

stay that way forever.

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numb and number

why do i constantly

feel the need to fuck up?

even though the same

mistakes me always cost me

a blood excavation

is it because i just want

to find excuses to just keep

on relapsing? am i really

that messed in the head,

that i would need pain justified

to convince myself that i’ll

fucking need more of it?

for once, i wish i wasn’t capable

of writing until i’m as empty

as my pen and as indecipherable

as the paper i tore to shreds

i’m so sick and disgusted

of how i badly run my system

and really, the only option

is for the gears to stop working

or better still, fix what i can

with a quicker pharmacy visit

and offset an overdosed withdrawal

i just want to muffle it all

can’t i be allowed even that, at least?

can i just no longer feel?

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delusions on a shattered windshield

I came along for the ride
Went wicked with the clutch
Happened so fast and it hurt so much
You’re a car crash and I can’t look away…

~*~

places in my head

a broken lover in bed

sfumato delusions

my skin is my mason

clinical nephilim

blotches of blistered sin

conceited corpses

a viciously serrated mess

laconic silence stutter

currents biting on water

acolytes, ritalin gnash

the spectator of a car crash

hypnotised withdrawals

by absent peripherals

a calibrated miss

of an acetylene kiss

ulcer abdomens bleeding

responsive kerosene

words pierced on flesh

infected raw wounds fresh

places in my head

an autopsy for the dead.

~*~

All I see is shattered glass and
Red lights passing, my life flashing!
Headed for the same disaster
Faster and faster and faster
I couldn’t stop at the red light…

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Oblivisci Memoria Retinentes

And when the night time’s calling
And the rain starts falling
Will you still remember my name?
And when you’re out til’ morning
And the drinks keep pouring
Do you think you’ll feel the same?
I need to know, I need to know
Do you feel the same?

~*~

Do you remember

The night I said later

Climbed out the window

And left my calling card

On the dark side of the moon?

Do you remember

When you threw a taut rope

In the vainless hopes

Of returning the dying stars

Back to the breathless horizon?

Do you remember

The days when you slept alone

And my nightstand polaroid

Was a perennial reminder

Of the things you destroyed?

Do you remember

The dreams we painted on the ceiling

Now cracking and bleeding

Falling off in ugly peels of sterling

The prayers meant to be losing?

Do you remember

The things I’ve forgotten

In alcohol walkways

As I stayed up past eleven

This time in an empty pub haven?

Do you remember

What made you love this hate

When our veins faded away

Leaving a mess on tangled fate

And I’ve done nothing but to wait?

Dear, do you remember?

I can only hope it stays forever

Do you even remember my name

When again you forgot to call

I’ve kept these nightmares for a long time

Do you even remember me at all?

~*~

Sometimes when you love someone
You gotta let them go, let them go
Will you feel the same in the pouring rain?
Will you scream my name?

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shattered

you didn’t

have to be

there to pick

up the pieces

of this mess

you didn’t

have to cut

your unstained

fingers on the

lethal shards

you didn’t

have to be

the witness to

my unmitigated

self-wreckage

you didn’t

have to do

a damn thing,

you didn’t

really have to…

but fuck, you

did it anyways

i’m glad…i’m glad.

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chicken scratch

my soul

is a

handwriting

and it’s

indelible

but also

barely

legible.

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c[l]ause

causes

and pauses

all taken

and gleaned

clauses

and messes

which i

couldn’t clean.

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