Tag Archives: mess

Fluorescence

Let’s spill into my bedroom and leave the lock open

I want your neon bones to glow against mine

You’re the only mess I won’t hide away in my closet

You’re the reason I always oversleep every night

.

My mind’s getting stretched out into a thin veil

So much so, that you could see through my thoughts

Is it immodest, love? Is it too vulgar to even care?

You said you’ll be a martyr but you don’t believe in God

.

Exposed to the acrid winter, still shrinking and shivering

I’d find it abhorrent if I wasn’t the one lost to a blizzard

Crawling for your warmth, your doors were never open

Would you leave it ajar for me, or leave all the lights shut?

.

But I won’t be the letdown that you’ll stand on and fall

And I just never know myself like I knew you at all

This chemical decadence is rotting my plastic heart

Convulsing my fragile veins as it’s tearing me apart

.

But I’ll spill into your bedroom even when it’s locked

I need your neon bones to extinguish against mine

You’re the mess I love to count when I’m not feeling tired

And the only reason I oversleep just to wake up every night.

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adi/s/pose

tightening flesh

willpower on a noose

chunks, spilling out

from folds of cloth

and utter self-shame

repulsiveness—

a circular shadow

fingers shoved down

screaming throats

holding on, and yet still

letting go—insides

curl in disgust

acid burning teeth

unable to fully digest

the ugliest truth

that’s all you will ever be

crushed bones and

muddled-up delusions

and bloated organs showing

all of your secrets;

no one will ever love

a colossal mess

not even yourself

especially not yourself—

swallowing cold hope

will only result in

a violent choke

but isn’t that what you

wanted all along?

skin turns blue, then red

aftertastes blending

in an open mouth…

what are you waiting for?

go on then—

eat your fucking heart out.

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Ornate Messes

Don’t react when I tell you
That bright lights mean
Nothing to you
Because no one would know
The sound of a ghost
And I might be something to you
Beyond beautiful…

~*~

aching fingers

and lavender sunsets

a collection of

scrambled letters

disguised as your name

.

dusty lines scribbled

on the back of a

twice-used post-it note

in this long stretch of

afternoon torpor—

.

creaky guitar strings

played out of tune

exhausted calluses

a step in the right key

still proudly smiling,

.

two hours of strange

dreams, and excitement

before awakening;

a walk into stunning

darkness, mere glimpses

.

of moonlit epistles,

coffee after midnight

existential wishes

shooting stars dragging

out hope and lost love,

.

rekindled aspirations

blooming into memory

a song finally taken

to heart, after years of

waiting for the right time.

~*~

My darling, never rest
Until the darker gets
The best of all we had
Can the cold carry on?

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on the subject of side glances leading to an unexpected intuition…

the petty assumptions

will do you no good

your mind’s still a mess

leave it as you should

he says it’s mental

that’s right for a change

the thoughts you can’t feel

but you could explain

there’s already one

why are you still looking?

hope has a cost, and

you’ll pay for the broken

so prove yourself wrong now

he doesn’t know yet

but don’t leave all that out, and

dare to find out and forget.

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Imbecile

This foolish brain

That can’t contain

What’s less of more

Or more than pain

I could pretend

I’m a taste of clever

But that’s just a lie

And I know better

Than to convince

What’s worth a damn

I’m not a snowflake

Just a bland human

Living a grey life

In zeroed nothings

A cross on my brain

I’ll never be anything

Thought I had a chance

But the mess is too great

Thought I can be me

But that’s just a mistake

‘Cause let’s be honest

Who am I to kid?

Deep down, I know

I’m just fucking stupid.

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28 – hesitant hope

i know you aren’t sick

of that five-hour coffee yet

or even making a mess out of

expensive watercolours

but you better stop laughing

while you’re down and out

.

and you also don’t care

for the farewells and five a.m.

headaches making a mess

out of your cheapest apologies

but you better start fixing

that wretched old life of yours.

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7 – next time, just leave it to the experts

disasters—

panic and dark stains

look at the mess

you’ve made…

.

run boy,

why don’t you?

fix the damage

and change chaos

.

disasters—

soaked shirt and beige

just look at the

mess you are…

.

run boy,

why don’t you?

save all the saints

and give ’em hell.

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afterwords

rain and quiet conversations

with the shadow of a stranger

warmth of coffee, cold of night

mishaps fleet, transient danger

stresses, messes, second guesses

caught in breezes, puzzle pieces

chicken soup spilled on the soul

artworks of silver and charcoal

daylight saving, wasting evenings

under trees and benches, petrichor

desolation wrapped around blue bones

waiting for the time when it feels like home.

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tumbler

this utter chaos

gives me a headache

and so many mistakes

it’s such a complete mess

.

but i asked for it

and i got what i paid for

and all of this is even more

than what i need for happiness.

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Back To The Red Tapes

You are a handful of roses
Thorns and a cheap bouquet
True, I’m a walking disaster
They told you to stay away
Seems like I’m making
A deal with the devil…

~*~

I remember when we loathed each other

And what we wouldn’t do to one up and over

Subtle poison in each vindictive word and verse

Poised to hit the most vital organs and curse

.

We smeared the walls with our cold fresh blood

Leaving basilisk messages for another pitying god

And undertones of candy-coated punches in stitch

In plates of ‘hope you die, you conniving little bitch’

.

But sometimes the relapse was felt in compassion

A confusion of collisions, casting the condensation

I didn’t know if it was coincidence, or I was insane

But the universe parked parallel, changed the game

.

Passing the halls with the same songs in our mouths

Composing about the same things that gave us doubt

Secretly racing the other one for covert little challenges

And trying to push at each other’s buttons and nuisances

.

It was a mess, and the bleak battleground ain’t so pretty

But the smoke cleared up and the aftermath forgot me

Where the sun was aglow and my coffee tasted less bitter

And tears only came in the form of erupted endeavours

.

Now I read the past stories and I want to laugh out loud

Enough to disturb the anxiety that’s keeping my head out

The snide smirks, the loose lies, the entertaining electricity

Who knows what’s meant for you and what’s meant for me

.

After the sheer mayhem that came after each round of drinks

After every conversation held and confessions begging not to think

After all the chaos caused and the devastation left in its wake

It’s a lot easier to admit I’ll miss it—I’d listen again for a rewinded take.

~*~

‘Cause I feel like a bad joke
Walk the tight rope to hold onto you
Was it real? Or a love scene
From a bad dream? I don’t think
I can forget about it…

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