Tag Archives: misery

Saving my Sleep for the Sirens

The frame, the friction
It’s the reason that we all become aware
And we change for no reason
Some say it’s better to fall asleep and disappear
It’s time we finally look at what we’ve done
And wake up…

~*~

I cannot sleep, this haunt persisted to stay

I need a hand here to suffocate my throat

Lie, otherwise I won’t have another today

Amidst arctic isles and glaciers I will float

.

Don’t they know that’s all I dream about?

Perhaps I am just too ambitious to forget

Say I’m right, indulged in septic fantasies

Teetering at the edge of a cliff over death

.

But my jealous mind is pushing me farther

I couldn’t dissolve my nightmares, after all

Standing with my back against the red sun

And screaming, I have never felt more tall

.

I am another thought that lacerates skins

If you bleed out because of me, so let it be

Seeking an escape, the exit sign’s blinding

And I’m chasing circles away from misery

.

I am slipping out, my foothold is unstable

Through rain and ashes, I bathe in debris

Threads unravelling of stitches miserable

I cannot fall from touch, never sedentary

.

I’ve wished for a dollar that I won’t be rich

They call me insane, but that’s the way it is

The point I try to make is never transparent

But the light from my lies makes it apparent.

~*~

So here we are, we’re waiting for a fall
And on the radio they’re calling on satellites
Like they’re going to save us all…

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deep cut

I’m relapsing down again

There’s desperation everywhere

And it’s fucking contagious

It’s just another one of those days

Where I’m sinking in misery

And suffocating in my own self-pity

For no rational reason at all

That it’s almost pathetic

It is fucking pathetic.

I’m feeling the need badly

To colour my world with carmine

And murder my twisted veins

But I can’t, I shouldn’t—

I thought I called a ceasefire

But it’s burning in my heart

Tearing apart my mind with screams

And making my senses recede

Into senselessness that ironically

I can cancel out with one

Silver glint and a single slash

But I won’t, I musn’t—

And yet I really fucking should.

The crave is almost unbearable

I can’t resist falling in from the sin

Please pray, please understand

I need the pain to breathe

My lungs refuse to provide oxygen

I need this pain to live

I really don’t want to…

But I have to.

Please don’t let me touch the blade

Please don’t let my skin touch the blade

Please don’t let me…

D o n ‘ t . . .

I’m sorry.

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Misery Loves Company

I’m in good company

With idiots and fools

As they entertain me

By being absolute tools

.

I’m in good company

With idiots and fools

But should I be sorry?

Fuck, I don’t make the rules.

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sentenced

time moves

too  s l o w

when you’re

waiting for

death row.

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Sh*t Happens

Clocks on the wall, talk to watches on the wrist
It’s the moments we relive, it’s the moments like this
When it’s time to get ill, we be so ahead of time
It’s the moments we achieve, best believe it’s the moments

~*~

Choking on shoelaces, eating your own name

Slathered amounts of a faked reversible fame

Eyelids heavy with mascara and lack of sleep

The unruly dreams that weren’t yours to keep

.

Unkempt hair and façade of flowery smiles

Profound Neverland poets in mapped-out styles

Mystical themes and a darker spark to excel

And the gibberish words you throw down the well

.

The cruel irony of it all, of the empty room mess

Until we’re all borrowed and we’re all obsessed

Imageries of sedation to escape every inclination

Treading on hallowed ground and imagined freedom

.

Ethereal tongues cut off the heavenly songs they sung

Adventures and threat, palms chafing on ladder rungs

The lethal dagger of time nears sinews of thin throats

Inconvenient demise popping eccentric egos so bloat

.

The world is a weight, sinking with excessive wait

Recesses of marianas abyss, the hope coming late

Dusty pills, rusty medicines, oiled bones set to grind

Melding thought balloons, chronic timelines of a mind

.

Assuming you’re just a coward, refusing to see this reality’s exuberance

Reasoning your existence is but a tangled storm, relying on your defiance

But don’t wait for the starving zeppelin future to just eat away your name

This is life and shit happens, so wreck your own misery and don’t pass the blame.

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Mis[s]ery

I miss you

Like hell misses a colder rain

I miss you

Like a masochist craves pain

.

I miss you

Like a lost star on night skies

I miss you

Like a lover misses all the lies

.

I miss you

Like Noah misses tantrum flood

I miss you

Like a psychopath desires blood

.

I miss you

Like fallen angels miss their wings

I miss you

Like a slob misses the little things

.

I miss you

Like a miser misses all his money

I miss you

Like a butterfly thirsting for honey

.

I miss you

Like a junkie addicted to his drugs

I miss you

Like an alcoholic without her mug

.

I miss you

Like the sunset misses the moon

I miss you

Like a trailing song faded too soon

.

I miss you

Like I don’t miss my heart everyday

I miss you

And perhaps it’s better off this way.

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A Mutually Self-Destructive Alliance

We could be perfect one last night
And die like starcrossed lovers when we fight
And we could settle this affair
If you would shed your yellow
Take my hand and then we’ll solve
The mystery of laceration gravity
This riddle of revenge
Please understand that it has to be this way…

~*~

He’s a tough beast losing a war with his vainglorious demons

When he’s fucking around in the unused abandoned dormitory

His rage thirsts for agony, and his smile is a paranoid paradox

No number of free kisses will fully bury his graveyard misery

.

She’s a delicate Amazonian winning a battle for the demons

When she’s fucking around in the flat with infinite vacancies

Picking bones from her teeth, spitting gristle in snarled smile

No amount of free pleading will make her surrender so easily

.

They’re two faithed allies trading ten thousand filthy lies to save their skins

When they’re both fucking around in the empty carpark of a crumbling hotel

Smiles bared and taut, as information flows freely, trading vendetta and sins

If the belligerence goes down, they know at least they’ll both go straight to hell.

~*~

Stand! Up fucking tall
Don’t let them see your back and
Take! My fucking hand
And never be afraid again…

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Greatest Treasure

My mistress’s soul hath longed to seek finer fortune winds

Whereupon seeds of chartreuse grass blusters and grows

Akin to the radiant canary sun, her most youthful fair skin

Upon the cherry blossom horizon, glitters finely and glows

Treading tentative upon quaint dotted rhododendron bushes

To fill her wicker basket with the ripest succulent blackberries

Silvery light catches her mellow lemony hair’s ringlets tresses

My bonny mistress’s efflorescent spirit nay falters nor wearies

Lithe body like a chromatic hummingbird’s wings arched in flight

Roses damasked red and rogue on plump lips and flushed cheeks

Serene zephyr doth pass, carrying with its breeze a sound quite

Like the merry Stradivarian laugh that which thy mistress speaks

She flits posthaste, non dither, questing from blossom to nectar

Yet soon my aromantic honeybee learns that life isn’t all sweet

When flourishing foliages swiftly wilt, leaving but a tawny scar

And those frigid turbulent rains make her vitality falter and fleet

My mistress doth seeked her fate on the outside world, yet she barely survived

Only to discover, unfortunately, that all that joie de vivre hath but misery belied

My lost mistress shall wander her path home soon, when her heart finally realises

That her greatest treasure sits lone writing her melodies, a bard sending inkstained kisses.

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Conversing With A Mirror

…I can hear the children talking , screaming you’re a wreck 

If you think you’re so convincing, where’s your self-respect?

 ~*~

Hello, my old friend 

It’s been a while since we last met 

I know that may have shattered you into a million pieces

But I’m sorry for that, that won’t happen again, I promise

.

I forgive you. So how is your life? 

Still overflowing with endless torture and strife? 

How are your friends? How is your family? 

Are they still stabbing your back? Treating you as an enemy? 

.

Oh yes, absolutely, they haven’t changed a bit 

They still trod over me and make me feel like shit 

Um, that promise I made? Yeah, you can tell 

I still haven’t fought back, and surprise! They still give me hell 

.

I see you still have those scars, and some new ones too 

And your eyes are still bloodshot and lifeless

Your hair looks like it hasn’t touched a brush, it’s a mess 

Or is your life even messier than that, true? 

.

I know, I know, I look like a big train wreck 

What can I do? It’s even worse than before 

My mind’s in shambles, I’m a walking accident 

If I can’t rearrange myself, d’you think to my life I could do so much more? 

.

Ah, I meant no offence at all, so sorry 

Maybe I started out a little too heavy 

Sorry once again, but pray tell go on with your story 

Perhaps maybe you’ve got good news to tell me? 

.

Well…I’d be lying to you if I try to be positive 

Just look at me, talking to you, barely trying to exist 

Well, good news, I stopped eating colorful pills for breakfast 

But I replaced it with bullets instead; the taste of death lasts 

.

That’s barely good news, but I really couldn’t blame you 

I know what you feel, I know what you’re going through 

I know I’ve said this a million times, but you won’t listen 

Please try to survive, please live, don’t get dragged down by them

.

God, are you seriously listening to yourself right now? 

You’ve said the same fucking thing over when we last talked! 

Have I changed? Have I gone for the better? Hell no! 

Stop preaching to me, you hypocrite, you know that ain’t how I walk! 

.

Calm down, please, I’m not the villain here 

Stop banging your fists against the glass, you’ll only hurt yourself 

I’m your only ally, you and me against the world, remember? 

If you refuse my gospel, then who are you gonna cry for help? 

.

Sorry, no, I didn’t mean to be so angry 

It’s just that…just that no one cares anymore about me 

Sure you’re the only one, and you couldn’t even dry my tears 

I’m turning schizophrenic, it’s just as I feared 

.

There you go again, stop planting doubt in your mind 

I’m as real as imagination can get, as you could easily find 

Let the idiots think whatever, let them spread their slanderous lies 

Just as long as you know it isn’t true, because humans do little otherwise 

.

Ah, I think I hear my mother screaming from downstairs 

Yelling something about my blood on the wall, or some mistake I made

I’d hate to leave you now and cut this off shortly 

But I still have to return to my own wonderfully shitty reality 

.

Oh shame you have to go, well, goodbye then 

It was so nice to have a proper chat once again 

But please, one last thing, for me, for you, just try your best to live 

Because I tell you, dear girl, the other side of the mirror ain’t as good as you think.

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