Tag Archives: mistake

Double Dares, No Take-Backs

I wanna make my way into your kiss
I wanna live inside your mind next to your favorite songs
I won’t slow my pace until your walkway
I wanna lose my mood inside a late night phone call with you…

~*~

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be your clapping beat, now won’t you sing along

The air between our shaky hands won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Smile, but the gloom doesn’t dissipate to the moon

You’re my childish reverie, I’m your little red balloon

Play 21 questions until the question marks are tired

Of answering the same old things in our curious minds

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the song stuck in your head, now won’t you sing along

The wind beneath our heaving chest won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Cry, but heaven doesn’t hear what you wanna say

The angels left you powerless, they don’t exist for today

Laugh until the laughter begins to sound suspicious

No one could be that happy, but we’re just both auspicious

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the lyrics you never wrote down, now won’t you sing along

The zephyr under our interlocked eyes won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Talk, but the stars only hear static words and white noise

Expectations take over emotions, you just wanna have a voice

Count sheep until we run out of sandy footprints to break

I’ll go around, wrapped in your bedpost, dreaming of mistakes

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the instrument in your hands, now won’t you sing along

The breeze by our swaying hips won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Kiss, but hell is so faraway from everything else

Slowing down time as gravity makes contact with nonsense

Dance until we’re out of breath, until we don’t care

You’re my spin the bottle, but babe I’m your truth or dare

.

So keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the only favourite song you know, now won’t you sing along

The tempest brewing between our tense lips won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin feels warm and our hearts get it all wrong.

~*~

Feeling my love mood—I kind of see you
When I climb into my mind, that’s where I keep you
And lately where I waste my time
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, show me everything I want
Because I want you now…

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The Horticulturist

One by one the days fall beside us like yellow leaves
We have no conscience, oh, what we’re becoming
Month by month the rings on our tree trunks
Like old wise eyes grow wider
And winter lends them a dead disguise…

~*~

all the times

that my pretence

falls away to reveal

a dissecting evil

crashing against the

enamouring dopamine

of your crystal eyes

and whenever the bats

residing in my belfry

bite in rabid shreds

as i told you the reasons

why i don’t need the sun

to watch over my lies…

i didn’t know it hurt.

and even when your mouth

moved to speak of the

florid diamonds leaving your

bones with every suspended

breath i took, still i ignored

it, and culled the butterfly wings

you were only beginning to grow

crushing them for my own fool’s

grey stained glass interpretation.

i see my sorry mistake now

what an envious tongue i was

to impede and torture change

and wring them dry in deception

shivving the lunacy fringe deep

in my virulent, violent strain

perhaps the sense was never mine

to keep in mine caustic waste.

you merely wanted roses to

bloom in your pulsating thorax,

but my scissors never gave

you the chance to do so

and a different shade of scarlet

touched your skin that day.

but despite the endless famine

that haunts my soul, there’s

still thistles to be removed,

fertile soil to be revived, and

you handed me the trowel even

when i already lost sourly to you.

it’s another chance to repair all

the misfortune, to mitigate all the

repercussions, and to plant a

thornless blossom in this stygian

garden of choked weeds and demolition.

i won’t count my stars before

they paint the sky with yellow fire

but i can always count on the

misbegotten heart, sparing

another courtesy for the misguided.

no more plucking petals from

shivering deoxygenated lungs,

no matter how temptingly pretty

they may be to my twitchy fingers;

may the poisonous chemicals

no longer adhere to sprouting foliage

and murder them in cold blood,

may the flora in ingenue poetry not

be mendacious and remain untainted,

and pray let this withering, barren

desert of a garden be resplendently

efflorescent and verdant with life once more.

~*~

Now time, like an ocean, knows tide, like a notion
To toss about the house and lose inside the couch
Piles of our thoughts run miles in the dark
Just trying to get home, age by age
We rime with our seasons’ rehearsed routines
Still turning and returning…

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paenitet

Back and forth I’ve been here before
The words you said just left me on the floor
And I came ’round and blew smoke from my mouth
I thought I saw you in the clouds…

~*~

i wish to offer

my honest apology

but mere pixels

aren’t enough to carry

heavy sincerity

.

so perhaps when

we finally meet again

and when i gather

my aplomb to call you

my old dear friend

.

and humbly accept

repentance for my mistakes

hoping that i don’t

have to spend another year

in resentment, i’ll do

whatever it might dare take

.

and perhaps, when this

year terminates, i’ll be able to

abandon such a spiteful

recourse against and with you

because despite everything

we aren’t better off this way, and

i have faith that this is true.

~*~

But I chose to forgive
I find it hard to forget
Even though you said it’s
Something you’d regret…

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Your Trucker’s Hitch Is Sloppy

A free lesson on growing up make the best of their worst
And never compromise what you feel is right
I make a point to be powerful when I speak
Be the one to give them nightmares when they sleep
Never back down from anyone…

~*~

I’m spinning into retrograde motion

Falling apart as the ropes holding me back

Chafe my abrading skin in expelled dominion

I’m in the nadirs of another devilish attack

Feeling dysentery coursing in my bloated tongue

And sooner than later I’ll spit out the plague

In your eyes, and your grasp will slip on the rungs

Of your vicarious deception and mistakes

So rip apart the hatred that buries me

And I’ll be coming back from the dead for you

If there’s any way to bolster out the barrier

I’ll break you first and demolish until I come through.

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metal & skin (xxxiii.)

for all the mistakes

i’ve committed today

i tally them all in

blood-red and silver-grey

these scars tell me

never to fucking forget

every pain and the agony

of the lingering regret.

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metal & skin (xxxi.)

if i whispered

a million apologies

would it make up

for what i’ve done?

and if i uttered

a million apologies

would that make

my mistake undone?

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california soul

Stay young and at the top of our lungs
Our hands are free, our lives have just begun!
It’s getting dark, we should go back
But what’s the use if what you love is what you have?
And I could die right now for something beautiful
To take me somewhere else; oh, I try to calm down
As I drag myself along these severed hands…

~*~

stay young

and keep your hands on the gun

don’t move along

and stay for the night

for the dark night that bleeds

in drunken colours

away from everything else

in the picasso paintings we called home

before we calmed down

and stopped severing our songs

so break me down

break down the better parts

that make us scream in the backseat

of crashing red cars

and i won’t run this time

so run me over

i’ll tally up the torques

torture me with tiring promenades

and hand grenades

and alcoholic stories that leave my cheeks numb

and when i pass the fuck out

carry me to my door

like you never promised me before

and i’ll leave you to stare

at the closed windows

throwing brick walls to play fair

just don’t bother with praying

don’t bother me

if the burning sun persists to remind you

don’t listen to the rain

listen to the suffocating hallways

give me what you can take

and if you still think you’ll be sorry

darling, your voice is keeping me awake

so what if i forget regret?

by then i wrote all these apologies

a thousand fucking times now

until i could taste the wounds on my tongue

until my hands are dragged into the ocean

until i don’t know what it means to be alive

what does it mean to breathe?

you lacerated my lungs

and monopolised my oxygen

so i guess i asked the wrong person

and i would do it again

until you love every broken bone in my body

but do you even give a fuck

that it’s cold outside

and all my mutated veins are frozen over

into dismembered accidents

of a lifeless smile?

don’t keep haunting me, darling

texas may be forever but california isn’t

and we could only wish to swim

against inferno summers and dishwater hurricanes

parched throats like a pyromaniac

before we crash on the rocks

and end up losing our bedrooms in the sky

did you fall away?

heaven is yours to plot my demise

when we’re stumbling over west coast clubs

and deadlocked in socal lies

i make the best mistakes to choose

when you’re wearing my lipstick and i’m in your shoes

crying until the lemon groves grow

and turn our memories of encino holidays sour

desecrating sacrilegious in santa cruz

saint anna has nothing left to lose

and los angeles is chanting ooh, la la la

the walk of fame is tipsy

the stars don’t remember their fame

hollywood is getting far too busy

and we’re covered in blood in san francisco

standing by the earthquake’s fault line

trying desperately to find out

which of us pushed the other one

but i’ll remember all the disasters forever

like how we convulsed with laughter

dissecting, exploring our decaying anatomies

relapsing into recovery

dancing circles around the hospital

and never even asking what’s happening to us

as we’re dragged under hispanic dust

dizzying in spin the bottles and betting hack money

ferris wheels and carousels and vomit

confusion reassuring with promises full of shit

the happiest place on earth feels sorry

disneyland’s just a ride away

watching movies at anaheim driveways

falling asleep at the rolling credits

diving into high tide currents of long beach

until one of us drowns deep

and we hid away in sulphur kisses

poignant in mission bay high

crushing red cups in san diego backyards

digging crowns and graves in clairemont for the day we die

so hold your mouth, we’ll be fine

i’ll tell you you’ll be okay, but i would be lying

for romance, for a chance

to entrance the devils pumping blood

for a nonexistent god

for you, for me, for loveless mercy

for love and everything that’s bad in this world

you whisper “baby, i’d kill for you”

oh honey, don’t you see? i’d fucking kill you

i’d count the sugar on your lips

i’d count the stars that collide all over your skin

i’d count all the chemicals that saturate me

when you count the sand on the shore like sweeter sins

soaking me in

breaking me down

until i’m wasted on your voice

until the wine tastes cheap

and until we’re entangled

like grey cobwebs and red tapes

and starving friends preaching eloquence

like our elusive selfish escapes

so please shatter your mirrored soul for me

and i’ll paint them over in stained glass

for the hollow cathedral

we’ll murder our lusted vows in

we both knew this moment would never last

cause i loved your shameless destruction

and that was a fucking mistake

i should’ve loved everything else in your dying eyes, darling

because that was all it would ever take.

~*~

I’m gonna buy a cheap bouquet before it dies on the display
(Gonna break down) Break down the better side of me
(The better side of me) Well I know, I know if I die young
Then we can wake up screaming in your bed
And our lungs are begging us to calm down!

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Butterfly Stitches

Give me a mouthful
And leave me nothing now
So chalk it up to the drone
Hack it out, wear it down
Where will you go when
You’re feeling blue?

~*~

i may never have the courage to do

the perseverance and hope that you pursue

like making snow castles out of icicles

and twisting lemonade out of bland honeydew

i cross my fingers for fibs not faith, it’s true

and my constellations are merely apologetic construes

but when i pretend there’s a horizon past the ceiling

i close my eyes and watch you taste the sun whilst tiptoeing

for you dance those rhythms that i’ve always faked

and fog the glass over your scribbled breathing mistakes

sew the thread past your heart to fix rivets and abate

shine your smile and sharpen your teeth when you awake

an incandescent perspective in this dismal existence

you may be hurt but you strive and fathom to make sense

dear, i may never have the courage to mend like you do

but your butterfly eyes encouraged me to try being brand new.

~*~

So save me and tell me how
it all got so doubtful
Leave me nothing now
Back on the old road
You’re wishing you’ll wind me down…

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Reanimation

You know that you had to know that I’d be on my way
It happened long ago there’s nothing more to say
And I don’t wanna be the one to tell you blood is on your hands
And I don’t think you realize or even understand so I say…

~*~

Now we’re just casual foes counting casualties

Waiting for a staid hello to recount the vacancies

But never leaving, never giving the pleasantries

At the back of our heads to shoot what we missed

.

Was there any answer? Am I just a necromancer

Bring back to life what was long gone, washing

My eyes to the sun to remind the sky forever that

The nights will bleed into red, and I hold the gun

.

Maybe it was too soon, maybe I picked the wrong tune

To sing at the funeral of a wedding march at the very end

Of the line, is it time, is it mine? What was yours to take

Every mindless mistake, yours to blame, yours to suspend

.

So go on, go on, it doesn’t matter if I get pulled along

This is my lullaby, only this night I’ll be sleeping alone

What was to gain from the concrete rain? Falling under

Going under, don’t hold your breath, this isn’t any better

.

Now we’re just casual foes counting, cashing our casualties

Waiting for the stagnant goodbye to enter the lost vacancies

Of the reason, of every treason of the damn good memories

At the back of our heads, I only wonder what we’ve missed.

~*~

Days go by, some good and some are bad, soon you’ll realize
It all goes by so fast and its over, it’s something that you can’t get right
Or maybe you just have no time, it seems like everybody’s gone
‘Cause that’s none of mine, you say that I’m just wasting time
But I would say that I’m doing alright, I’m on to better days…

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Deca[y]dence

Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky…

~*~

Desiccated spaces where a heart used to be

Arrogant sneers, spilling away immortality

Stepping on the detritus of a calamitous lie

Polygraphs seizing and intervening us nigh

.

Your distress signal under a burning bridge

Narcotic teeth fall out, in a pulmonary hitch

Wretched iridescence transposed into matte

Insurgent eugenic narrated our contingency

.

Beliefs bleeding out down a bathroom drain

Transmitting onto veins a rapacious disdain

Don’t save the accident for a dull reparation

Hospitals aren’t amused by a prestidigitation

.

The perpetrators backfiring, victims rupture

A mistake that won’t be held back by sutures

In the oil, propane, and faulty brakes, I’ll see

Decomposed vacuum where a soul used to be.

~*~

And when I close my eyes tonight
To symphonies of blinding light
God bless us everyone, we’re a
Broken people living under loaded gun…

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