Tag Archives: mistake

tumbler

this utter chaos

gives me a headache

and so many mistakes

it’s such a complete mess

.

but i asked for it

and i got what i paid for

and all of this is even more

than what i need for happiness.

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The Bulls Are In Broadway

Some people have it and other people don’t
You’ve been making some threats, got my name and address
I’m breaking habits you don’t want to know
Though I’m wearing my clothes feeling cold and exposed, yeah
Don’t say you miss me, you probably don’t
Well, I’ve been crossing some lines that most folks won’t…

~*~

This is the academy of wasting second chances

And the maggots in my eyes are drying up my tears

My intuition knocked itself out on cheap champagne

As the discourse turned to an allegory dance severe

.

It’s a sociogenic alacrity, and my dress is on too tight

But I’m far too smitten by repertoire to call it a night

So remind me again, what’s my capacity for secrets?

Tell me with a gun to my head and I swear I’ll keep it

.

My lips are shivering from these hemlock-laced canapes

So admonish me for all my bad manners and mistakes

I’ll just downplay the lust for another fractured spine

The consequence for saving the best for the worst lines

.

Mismatched manipulation, but they will take it in anyway

Blink back the altercations and accusations that ricochet

With a sympathetic sigh overstepping the plague’s carnage

Like finest red wine, tragedy gets better when it’s aged

.

This transition was intransigent, an accolade for incoherence

Bent backs turned upon lacquered lies and marble-carved doors

You don’t get to die on me, not after my life has taken the perfect end

So won’t you let write the last chapter on my unresponsive monitor?

~*~

Oh, don’t say you’re more than this or above all this
With your blah blah blah and all your friends
Don’t say you think you know, when you know you don’t
Because tonight the Bulls are in Brooklyn and you’re still at home!

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Pantomime

Borderline drowning in these messy thoughts
I’ll come down once I get some more
This substance got a hold on me, I’m insecure
I’m hearing voices, what the fuck’s that sound?
I’m going through problems I shouldn’t talk about…

~*~

I put myself in someone else’s heart

And it didn’t beat, no, it didn’t beat at all

My soul’s uncomfortable from twisting

And turning, trying to fit in the desperate crawl

The insecurities taste as heavy as substances

Making my open veins cough up less blood

I just don’t believe in myself as much as I should

And doubts weigh me down when I’ve had

A step away from my eyes and into empty shoes

Which squeaked when I wore them, the laces loose

And the soles were worn down from these miles of walking

I may have gone the distance but I didn’t do the talking

I’m no longer genuine, just as diamonds are always fake

Covering up for my mortalities with graver mistakes

And pretending I wasn’t me, for once I don’t know

What the parts of my anatomy were, how everything goes

The self-hatred whispers things I don’t want to have thought

And my mama tells me I’ve always been what I’m not

Head a mess, anxiety regaled in fanfare intuition

They say life’s not fair without a taste of contradiction

But I’m just trying to regain what I once lost with my pen

Discover all the stories I missed making amends again

I put myself in someone else’s heart, and it didn’t beat at all

But mine only started to breathe when I let myself answer the call.

~*~

I’m not comfortable
No, I just can’t seem to feel at all
I’m not comfortable
So, I’ll take another pharmaceutical
‘Cause I’m uncomfortable…

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a mindless monologue

The blood, the blood, the blood of the lamb
Is worth two lions, but here I am
And I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams
But they’re not quite what they seem…

~*~

i need some therapy

and a hundred seconds alone

i need room to breathe

and support from the bleed

i need to stay silent

and talk my problems out

find another friend to bother

and do nothing but joke around

i need to admit something’s wrong

that i can’t do this by myself

i need to keep myself going

and be just a little more strong

i need bitter medication

i don’t know why i stopped

guess i don’t want to be an addict

my brain feels fogged and rough

i need to hurt myself less

throw away my blades and insecurities

i don’t want to keep companions

and end up in a fit of jealousy

i need to absolve all my mistakes

to stop hurting the people around me

always on the brink of an apology

i need to stop being—and feeling—sorry

i need to channel my thoughts safer

but i just don’t have the skill or talent

i can’t make anyone any promises

and my future is scary and hellbent

i need to keep on dreaming

but not too much to drown in the tides

i need to stop worrying neurotically

about what’s what and the right of rights

i need to be me and more than this

i want to figure myself out before it’s too late

to be assured of myself, the things i can do

to provide myself with no more of hate

i know i can never undo the long-term damage

caused by my self-destructive ways

but i know that i could always be better

than what i think i deserve—i need to change.

~*~

I can move mountains
I can work a miracle, work a miracle
I’ll keep you like an oath
“May nothing but death do us part…”

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built for blame

all you do

to my mistakes

is anoint

why don’t you

give me the

chance to actually

disappoint?

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long nights

Oh, how its raining
Oh, how the water falls
Into the safe things
We tried to set in stone
I can’t replace you
I can’t escape you now…

~*~

it’s gonna be a long night

without your stars to count

this time i wonder if the planet

breathes without a pause of doubt

i wish the ocean was as blue

as your feather words and halo eyes

i close away my mind just to think

there’s no sugar without a hint of spice

but under the bed where flowers bloom

the sour notes never leave your arms

and the nightlight illuminates my dreams

where loving you does me no harm

but i lie to myself as i lie awake

wondering if giving up control was my mistake

ivory piano and sheep lulling desperation

as i await the end of an endless oblivion

i can only wish i didn’t feel this much

as i lay down my thoughts without a sound

and without your skin to be my respite

i know it’s gonna be another long night.

~*~

But I remember the nights when you’d lie with me
Where we’d talk and we’d touch and we’d fall asleep
I wake up in your arms and I’d feel at ease
But now its just me and I lie awake
And I toss and I turn and I see your face
When I wake from a dream it won’t go away…

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Ready Steady

This will always be mine, so much more than just a dream to me
And I will never be fine, with letting you ruin everything
And I will never fucking follow your lead
Give up on you, so you can take it out on me
I’m sorry that you had to watch your life come tumbling down…

~*~

I’m running out of chances to say what I wanna say

I’ll offer myself another but sooner or later, I’ll have to face today

When the burden becomes blood and control turns into cost

And I forget who I am, what was mine and what was lost

.

Open a thousand windows and the doors close off again

They take it out on me, but I always needed the extra dose of pain

Cover it up and keep it down, and my accomplices abandon

Once the going gets tough, thinking I won’t be able to go on alone

.

But keep the cash bet to my name and grit your chipped teeth

I won’t throw away what I can take, I swear I won’t cheat

I won’t cry tears but I’ll spit gasoline just to put out the raging flames

Blame my headspace for the arson and run, it’s just all the same

.

I know the things I’ve said don’t mean much until I do a thing

You can arrest me for my crimes, but I’ve got a jailbreak primed and waiting

I’m running out of chances, but I never needed any in the first place

I never required them to listen, because any day now I’ll have to face my mistakes.

~*~

Now it’s my time and I’m ready to go
Here we go, we got one more chance to make it
Better not lose control
Before everyone forgets your name…

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Double Dares, No Take-Backs

I wanna make my way into your kiss
I wanna live inside your mind next to your favorite songs
I won’t slow my pace until your walkway
I wanna lose my mood inside a late night phone call with you…

~*~

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be your clapping beat, now won’t you sing along

The air between our shaky hands won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Smile, but the gloom doesn’t dissipate to the moon

You’re my childish reverie, I’m your little red balloon

Play 21 questions until the question marks are tired

Of answering the same old things in our curious minds

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the song stuck in your head, now won’t you sing along

The wind beneath our heaving chest won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Cry, but heaven doesn’t hear what you wanna say

The angels left you powerless, they don’t exist for today

Laugh until the laughter begins to sound suspicious

No one could be that happy, but we’re just both auspicious

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the lyrics you never wrote down, now won’t you sing along

The zephyr under our interlocked eyes won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Talk, but the stars only hear static words and white noise

Expectations take over emotions, you just wanna have a voice

Count sheep until we run out of sandy footprints to break

I’ll go around, wrapped in your bedpost, dreaming of mistakes

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the instrument in your hands, now won’t you sing along

The breeze by our swaying hips won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Kiss, but hell is so faraway from everything else

Slowing down time as gravity makes contact with nonsense

Dance until we’re out of breath, until we don’t care

You’re my spin the bottle, but babe I’m your truth or dare

.

So keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the only favourite song you know, now won’t you sing along

The tempest brewing between our tense lips won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin feels warm and our hearts get it all wrong.

~*~

Feeling my love mood—I kind of see you
When I climb into my mind, that’s where I keep you
And lately where I waste my time
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, show me everything I want
Because I want you now…

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The Horticulturist

One by one the days fall beside us like yellow leaves
We have no conscience, oh, what we’re becoming
Month by month the rings on our tree trunks
Like old wise eyes grow wider
And winter lends them a dead disguise…

~*~

all the times

that my pretence

falls away to reveal

a dissecting evil

crashing against the

enamouring dopamine

of your crystal eyes

and whenever the bats

residing in my belfry

bite in rabid shreds

as i told you the reasons

why i don’t need the sun

to watch over my lies…

i didn’t know it hurt.

and even when your mouth

moved to speak of the

florid diamonds leaving your

bones with every suspended

breath i took, still i ignored

it, and culled the butterfly wings

you were only beginning to grow

crushing them for my own fool’s

grey stained glass interpretation.

i see my sorry mistake now

what an envious tongue i was

to impede and torture change

and wring them dry in deception

shivving the lunacy fringe deep

in my virulent, violent strain

perhaps the sense was never mine

to keep in mine caustic waste.

you merely wanted roses to

bloom in your pulsating thorax,

but my scissors never gave

you the chance to do so

and a different shade of scarlet

touched your skin that day.

but despite the endless famine

that haunts my soul, there’s

still thistles to be removed,

fertile soil to be revived, and

you handed me the trowel even

when i already lost sourly to you.

it’s another chance to repair all

the misfortune, to mitigate all the

repercussions, and to plant a

thornless blossom in this stygian

garden of choked weeds and demolition.

i won’t count my stars before

they paint the sky with yellow fire

but i can always count on the

misbegotten heart, sparing

another courtesy for the misguided.

no more plucking petals from

shivering deoxygenated lungs,

no matter how temptingly pretty

they may be to my twitchy fingers;

may the poisonous chemicals

no longer adhere to sprouting foliage

and murder them in cold blood,

may the flora in ingenue poetry not

be mendacious and remain untainted,

and pray let this withering, barren

desert of a garden be resplendently

efflorescent and verdant with life once more.

~*~

Now time, like an ocean, knows tide, like a notion
To toss about the house and lose inside the couch
Piles of our thoughts run miles in the dark
Just trying to get home, age by age
We rime with our seasons’ rehearsed routines
Still turning and returning…

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paenitet

Back and forth I’ve been here before
The words you said just left me on the floor
And I came ’round and blew smoke from my mouth
I thought I saw you in the clouds…

~*~

i wish to offer

my honest apology

but mere pixels

aren’t enough to carry

heavy sincerity

.

so perhaps when

we finally meet again

and when i gather

my aplomb to call you

my old dear friend

.

and humbly accept

repentance for my mistakes

hoping that i don’t

have to spend another year

in resentment, i’ll do

whatever it might dare take

.

and perhaps, when this

year terminates, i’ll be able to

abandon such a spiteful

recourse against and with you

because despite everything

we aren’t better off this way, and

i have faith that this is true.

~*~

But I chose to forgive
I find it hard to forget
Even though you said it’s
Something you’d regret…

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