Tag Archives: nightmares

a persistence of forgotten memory

i am clothed

in nightmares

subliminal—

sympathy;

cruel, mocking

resilience inching

in the undertows

of a fervent

disguise

their smiles fall

into chipped sneers

as violet eyes

flash with

covetous envy

but the crimson lips

on my thighs do

nothing but gape

without teeth.

bleeding petals

slip away to

reveal the ugly

creature underneath,

melancholy human

weeping for their

own insolence

grieving what they

do not have, and

asking for ire faith

in blind places,

and yet again

i find myself dear

in the company

of the strangers

in my head,

and the demons

in my bed, clawing

with terror, writhing

with pleasure, altogether

tearing me apart.

i am clothed in

my own

nightmares–

and yet my soul:

fully bared and

torn open

apart for everyone,

exposed and

insulted and reviled…

it still feels rather

n a k e d .

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

mental block. (7)

***

i only want

nightmares of sun

when i’m wide

awake on the moon.

***

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Come, Morning Light

The fire that left your blanket in ashes

Won’t trouble your cold heart anymore

And the angels that carried your parents

Will not return to take your heart to soar

.

As your little grey ragdoll sits by the ruins

Of the playground you once called “home”

And the shadows that used to play with you

Have disappeared, and now you feel so alone

.

Your tears have mixed with the relentless rain

That put out the wild flames alighting the city

Blossoms wilt and thorns flourish in the grass

The bloodred sunset is more scary than pretty

.

Your brother and sister went off with toy guns

And never returned even after they all promised

So now you sit by the orphanage’s cellar stairs

With others who lost their mummies and daddies

.

Are you alone in this world of detritus and rust?

Every light is killed with a dropping bomb again

Death is your lullaby, quiet music behind the dust

Faithless, will there be someone to save you then?

.

But no, don’t you cry now behind that gas mask

I’ll keep you safe from all the questions unasked

I’ll sing you a song, as this sky falls in fragments

Shield you with my wounded arms from the glass

.

Please don’t fear, you will never have to be hungry

You might dream of hell but heaven is yours to see

Asphalt grey and storms of gloom, as wind billows

Muffle every disaster, sleep soundly in your pillow

.

The war was never meant to be fought by innocence

Just machines to tear apart and men with losing sense

To your damaged soul, fettered with doubts and fears

No one will hurt you now…you’ll be alright, I promise

.

Someday the battle will end, and hope shall soon arrive

We can’t take back what’s lost, but we can change our lives

Open your eyes when the sun returns to shade the dawn

To see the rising daybreak where all your nightmares are gone.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Places In My Veins

I’ll lower your body down into an open grave 
And let the vultures have their way with you
We’ll take you by surprise and spill your blood like wine
Scarlet stains upon the flesh will end the night…

~*~

There’s a place for my pulse

Somewhere within my wrists

But no matter how hard I try

I can’t figure out where it is

.

I’ll rest my head in a sea of nightmares

And drown looking for a sweeter dream

I’ll marry a liar just to find out the truth

High on the promise, low on self-esteem

.

And the haze is piercing my blacktop heart

Latent vortex swirling in a negative universe

Rotting with the blindness that I call my eyes

Hides the blood of another paralysing curse

.

There’s a place for the vaguer beat of my soul

Somewhere under my skin, between my wrists

But no matter how many deep incisions I make

I simply can’t seem to find it; does it even exist?

~*~

Everything you say rings hollow
But you will tell your stories again and again
Sell your half-truths with a smile
Take and inject it, inject it!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

How come no one heard her when she said—?

She doesn’t know she’s beautiful
‘Cause no one’s ever told her so
And the demons that she hides are all she knows
And maybe she can fall in love
With someone in her life that she could trust
And tell her she’s enough
(Will someone tell her she’s enough?)

~*~

How come no one

heard her when she

was screaming in her

bedroom at three in the

morning, scratching madly

at the pristine walls until

her fingernails broke and bled?

.

How come no one

heard her when she

was crying in a bathroom

stall, all the things they threw at

her leaving marks, and all

the ugly names they chanted at

her still ringing violently in her head?

.

How come no one

heard her when she

was slicing and hacking

away at her unhealing skin

so fucking audibly, and when

she slipped on that liquid

and fell with a thud, bruised and

bathed in puddles of dirty red?

.

How come no one

heard her when she

moaned as she rested fitfully

sleep paralysis taking full

control of every recourse

mouthing all the words

to the nightmares, those things

that she’s always left unsaid?

.

How come no one

heard her when she

vomited bile and empty air

kneeling faithlessly in front of the

porcelain god, sharp ribs poking

through her paper chest, even when

she ate nothing the whole day,

with herself she was still disgusted?

.

How come no one

heard her when she

was laughing, singing, and

talking by herself, and striking

up lengthy conversations with the

imaginary friends she made up

and the demons that she wed?

.

How come no one

heard her when she

asked relentlessly for help

begging and pleading, saying

that no doctor nor medicine

could ever cure her, and perhaps

an iota of support and care

for her was all she ever needed?

.

How come no one

heard her when she was already

being so earsplittingly loud

blind eyes and deaf ears

blaming nothing but the victim

“it was her fault” they say

“she should have said something”

but they all ignored her when

she actually piped up

keeping the regret to the very end—

and now she’s silent forever

and all her words went ahead…

tell me, how come no one

heard her until she was already dead?

~*~

Maybe I’m better off dead
If I was, would it finally be enough
To shut out all those voices in my head?
Maybe I’m better off dead, better off dead!
Did you hear a word, hear a word I said?
This is not where I belong
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Snow Maiden (Winter Sonata)

Snow is falling, last train home
Hurry up, it’s been too long, I know, I know
Been on the road a hundred days
And I can’t wait to see your face
Come home, she said come home…

~*~

The disappointment is as palpable

As the ashes of a burnt linden tree

Painting nightmares on my tongue

Tracing rivulets of bruised scarlet

I wonder if I knew anything at all

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

I wake up to scream at the falling sky

Waiting for melting watches to tick

As i crushed quinces on my fingers

Lost queries of my olive laurel echoing

Returning peace to my crystal diadem

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

Cleaves of grey accentuate my shoulders

Angles cutting against chilly winter wind

As I mindlessly counted cobweb snowflakes

The jackfrost kissing my unfortunate skin

It’s so cold, yet your spell is potent to season

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

Was it my crime to tread past your virgin snow?

Snapping frail twigs beneath solemn footsteps

Looking for lime thrush amid robin evergreen

Distractions working their way into my heart

YThe temperature drops like icicles in my coat

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

Hibernating eyes reminded me of summer days

That never really arrived to thaw this glacial soul

Midst of mirages and premonitions of soft laughs

My warm coffee spilling as the steam train stops

I thought I was finally home…hope is a fickle thing

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

Oh beloved, your nectarine gaze was mine to spare

Crashing the chrysalis of our failed metamorphosis

As arctic weather turns our breaths foggy, icy shivers

Last beyond the horizon. I never meant to let you down

I’m so sorry that I still can’t see why you truly loved me…

In this cruel coldness, I wonder if I knew anything at all

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

(And I’ll never feel this way again—

If I held my breath forever, would I still feel a thing?)

~*~

You’ve been waiting so long for me
I know that’s not that fair now baby
I come home on Christmas morning
Knock on your door, the snow is falling
You come out, come out to greet me
Wrap your arms, your arms around me…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Terrors in Unseemly Whispers

The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still…

~Spirits of the Dead; Edgar Allan Poe

~*~

Upon such terrors that haunt thy endeavours

The whispers that appear evanescent forever

For the pendulum that struck the beating heart

Of the pit in the tomb that dares to intend a part

.

Where does thy mind lie upon the whereabouts

Of clean sanity and conscience driven by doubt?

Nightmares that proceed to take turns every night

A magnanimous beast that thou have yet to fight

.

The foe with eyes that glint sharply upon thy trysts

In a labyrinthine path lies a gorgon after every twist

Steel thy nerves, freeze thy blood, pray to thy angels

That heaven mayn’t bless parlance on a chasmic well

.

And if you defeat and crush the blade upon thou heel

Might such a fair victory alleviate the terrorising feel?

Shall those nights of shadows be buried in sarcophagus

Or is the grave far too shallow to emancipate the rebus?

.

So be wary of the ancient fright intertwining coldly in thy bones

Thus such a scare is undeniable, chiseled on cracked headstones

For upon the nevermore terrors that haunt thy fallible endeavour

The grim whispers turned to gruesome horrors shall abide forever.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Oblivisci Memoria Retinentes

And when the night time’s calling
And the rain starts falling
Will you still remember my name?
And when you’re out til’ morning
And the drinks keep pouring
Do you think you’ll feel the same?
I need to know, I need to know
Do you feel the same?

~*~

Do you remember

The night I said later

Climbed out the window

And left my calling card

On the dark side of the moon?

Do you remember

When you threw a taut rope

In the vainless hopes

Of returning the dying stars

Back to the breathless horizon?

Do you remember

The days when you slept alone

And my nightstand polaroid

Was a perennial reminder

Of the things you destroyed?

Do you remember

The dreams we painted on the ceiling

Now cracking and bleeding

Falling off in ugly peels of sterling

The prayers meant to be losing?

Do you remember

The things I’ve forgotten

In alcohol walkways

As I stayed up past eleven

This time in an empty pub haven?

Do you remember

What made you love this hate

When our veins faded away

Leaving a mess on tangled fate

And I’ve done nothing but to wait?

Dear, do you remember?

I can only hope it stays forever

Do you even remember my name

When again you forgot to call

I’ve kept these nightmares for a long time

Do you even remember me at all?

~*~

Sometimes when you love someone
You gotta let them go, let them go
Will you feel the same in the pouring rain?
Will you scream my name?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Bandages and Bad Dreams

When every vein is red out of the blue!
I held a diamond to the sun
To count the moments on account of the way
You smile, smile for me
(Oh, we’re in slow motion when you)
Smile, smile for me…

~*~

Please just listen to me

I can’t keep you away

I have nothing to give

But the bleed on the fray

Eavesdropping on stars

When they whisper to scars

Scratch lines on my guitar

I’ll admit it under fire

Send me off with a thrill

On a rocketship intervention

Detonate me and kill

Without any good intentions

My teeth are quite hostile

So numb my smile with a file

This splinter in my heart

Won’t keep me apart

Criminal kaleidoscopes

I love the sky past a periscope

Night as black as train tracks

Burning smoke and jet lag

So hear me out in indulgence

For my sin is liquid gold

Midas hide my penitence

Hold me…I feel so cold

But watch the lights dancing

Like the sun in your eyes

We’ll taste ibuprofen ice cream

Self-sabotage until we die

I swear I’ll drag myself under

The oceans of gasoline

Won’t you be my oxygen

And provide oxytocin

Chase Jupiter and the moon

For the nightmares we can save

If you’re still quietly breathing

Darling, it’s gonna be okay

So please fucking listen to me

I just can’t give you away

And I have nothing left to keep

But our blood from today.

~*~

As you fall fast asleep, it reminds me
Of the slow symphonies behind me
(They sing along)
All the nightmares you’ll see tomorrow
All the stars on your ceiling
They glow but not for you

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Postcards and Polaroids

Hey, I know it hurts to watch me leave
But say it ain’t so, how could you ever replace me?
You’re so shy when you wanna be standing in front of me
Mind spinning in circles, you’re waiting to speak
These hands here in front of me anxiously wait to see
How’s it gonna be?

~*~

There’s splinters in your voice

And rusty needles within mine

If you honestly think it is not

We’ll both sing until I’m dying

Burn me in acerbic memories

Of another sophisticated heart

And there’s a deathbed waiting

But it wouldn’t keep us apart

For anagrams and polaroids

In lost horizons of liquid grey

In letters of an erased caption

As the wind spells out your face

In yellowing stamped postcards

Thrown in a fireplace’s compost

Replaced with ashen reminiscent

I’ll remind you of what you lost

Dear, I’m bedridden with guilt

And your fading name made me

Tear all the IV lines away and out

And drop out of ancient history

Was I wrong to do things right?

The bleeding keeps getting worse

As the stains fall against your lips

And in my paper-thin cotton shirt

But we’re only chasing nightmares

Dragged in our sempiternal reveries

Like the delusions of a red madman

Until we trip and skin both our knees

So tie a garrote ribbon around my neck

And keep a white daisy chain entangled

On my wilting hair and in my frail skin

I’ll hang myself cold and star-spangled

Darling, your ocean eyes are distracting me

There’s nothing but infinite abyss in mine

If you honestly think I’ve never fathomed this

I’ll let you go away so you’ll have a chance to be fine.

~*~

Before I go, oh oh oh oh
Let me remind you what you’re waiting for
Before you go, oh oh oh oh
Could you love me just a little bit more?
One more time…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry