Tag Archives: noise

atonal

you’re just

n o i s e

you open

your lips and

monsters

crawl out

vile creatures

while they smile

and daffodils

bloom from

their dimples

a symphony

of synesthesia

those pretty

little strangers

and you’re stuck

singing—or

is it shrieking?—

another out

of tune lie

convince your

throat to try and

convince your

mind to die

you can study

all you want but

if the notes

don’t fit you right

then maybe

an unscholarly

failure is all you

will ever be

because nobody

wants to listen

and no ears

need to bleed

i think your voice

is better off

simply humming

soundlessly, so

that no one

will ever hear.

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Febfair {Diliman}

PicsArt_02-18-09.12.53

I woke up this morning

with blisters on my tired arms

and wilted grass blades and mud stains

stuck all over my filthy trousers

my throat dry, red eyes throbbing,

a giant pandemonium of a headache

swelling triumphantly in my brain

so I staggered to the bathroom

where the mirror replayed memories

of us screaming elatedly on dizzying rides,

walking about blinded by neon lights,

picking out cheap food from every

stall that we chanced to pass by,

taking blurry photographs with the widest

grins plastered on our sweaty faces,

telling cheeky stories against the noise

of both rock concerts and chattering crowds,

and secretly stalking our smitten friend

around like a bunch of nosy, giggling idiots—

and finally half-drunkenly weaving across

dark street ends after midnight (though we didn’t

have a single drop of alcohol in our systems)

stars barely visible, shoulders interlocked

the whole way back, middle fingers up

to your late night curfew, and we hugged it

out goodbye, silently wishing under our breaths

that the other one wouldn’t leave just yet…

jolted back to the present, I stared at my

trainwreck of a face and decorated party tattoos

and decided, with a wistful smile,

that I have never felt this good.

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Febfair

Pondering all alone

Sitting with cold grass

Between curled fingers

And unfinished coffee

Making lips quite sticky

My unplugged earphones

Afraid to make sounds

.

Myriad stands flickering

With flashes of neon colours

Selling dresses and candy

And music and rowdy revelry

But just tell me, Mr. Vendor

Please, where can I buy

Someone to walk with tonight?

.

The crowds passing by

Friends, family, familiarity

Cheering, laughing, enjoying

When there is none for me

Surrounded by old strangers

White noise for humming ears

White noise for sad eyes

White noise in my tired mind

.

From thinking about eternities

Until there is nothing but space

Lost and loved and lost again

An unsent greeting hovering

Anxiety creeping and crawling

As I patiently wait for a person

Who doesn’t even exist at all.

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Festive Dissociation

Everything’s just

Loud noises and

Abrasive strangers

And complacency

Take a fake apology

Dripping dead grins

Photographs taken

Just after the screams

And numbness, their

Madness, look happy

Forcibly, and pretend to

Be the perfect family

When everything’s just

Another bad memory

With noisy strangers

In a throwaway insanity.

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Saligutgot (Chaos)

Ingay—isang kawalan, ayaw mapakinggan

Sakit na hindi matahimik, lumulunok ng mga tinik

Galing sa salitang hindi mabigkas; uulitin at

Uulitin pa rin hanggang sa maubos ang pasensyang

Maikli—ang oras, ang araw, ang naputol na ugat

Sa iyong mga kamay, nagpupumiglas, nanlalamig

At naiipit sa mabigat na tanikalang dumuduyan

Sa mahinang indayog ng kanilang nagdurusang sigaw,

Mahapdi sa kaluluwa, hindi matago ng kisapmata

Nakalimot ka na ba? Tila manhid na sa mga galos

Nang ikaw ay binalibag at kinaladkad na

Parang masahol na hayop, lumalaban sa hinagpis

Na hindi maiwasan, hindi malampasan, at kailanman

Laging mararanasan. Sinong may sala? Kaninong

Anino ang galit na ituturo ng iyong nabaling daliri

Para mapatawad lamang ang kasalanang akala

Mo’y hindi babalik para dalawin ang iyong

Gumuguho na konsensya—kung hindi ikaw, sino? Sila?

Ako? Ang diyos na ayaw magpakita kahit

Tayo’y naniniwala at nagdadasal at nagmamakaawa?

Hindi ito matatahimik. Hindi mo mahahanap ang musikang

Makakapagkontra sa lahat ng sakit, ng pait, kahit saglit, ng—ingay.

Noise—a moment of loss, refusing to be heard

Aches that cannot be silenced, swallowing thorns

From these unspoken words, repeating and

Repeating again until patience is consumed

Shortly—this hour, this day, this severed vein

Within your hands, struggling, freezing

The flesh that’s burned just for a sliver of

Heat and light; scalded tongues, hoping, sobbing

And trapped in between heavy chains that sway

Alongside the soft cadence of their tortured screams

Searing the soul, unable to be hidden by the blink of an eye

Have you already forgotten? Seemingly numb to the scars

Garnered when you were thrown away and dragged around

Like a vicious animal, fighting against resentment

That cannot be avoided, nor surpassed, and will forever

Be endured. Who’s to blame? Whose

Shadow will your broken fingers adamantly point to

Just so that it will be forgiven; the sins you thought

Shall never return to haunt your

Deteriorating conscience—if not you, then who? Them?

Me? The god that does not allow himself to be seen, though

We have been believing and praying and furiously begging?

It will never be silenced. You shall never find the music that would

Counter all the pain, all the bitterness, even for a moment, all the—noise.

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anatomical dissection: ears

the very ends of my

threads are frayed

and my earphones

tangle up and unravel

as i intertwine them on

my fingers and press play

i’m going deaf from

listening to too much

of this earsplitting music

but it’s the only thing

that can shut out the

noise of this world and

the noise in my mind.

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All Mouth and No Talk

I’ll break all my bones

And cash in all my luck

Before I force myself

To go and listen to such a

Condescending fuck.

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irate

i’m fairly certain

of uncertainties

building parasites

in my infected brain

a little bit crank

that turns it dank

festering and yet

putting a bad strain

i’m bored and i’m

sore to my very

tired core, bleeding

out dumb opinions

the accented words

like spoiled milk curd

making way for crass

and cold sophistication

the breath of crowds

and the noises loud

don’t give me any space

to sigh and think

rippling notions

and forced emotions

like an alacrity of

an underpaid shrink

so i slowly close and

repose, and take an

insipid revival in

one inch of a breath

press nagging voices

out of my deaf ears

before i go and catch

out an earlier death

i’m sickened of the

fire they’re all boiling

under my charred

and overcooked skin

a little bit further

i can’t take it any longer

and my short temper

cuts itself loose again.

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Double Dares, No Take-Backs

I wanna make my way into your kiss
I wanna live inside your mind next to your favorite songs
I won’t slow my pace until your walkway
I wanna lose my mood inside a late night phone call with you…

~*~

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be your clapping beat, now won’t you sing along

The air between our shaky hands won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Smile, but the gloom doesn’t dissipate to the moon

You’re my childish reverie, I’m your little red balloon

Play 21 questions until the question marks are tired

Of answering the same old things in our curious minds

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the song stuck in your head, now won’t you sing along

The wind beneath our heaving chest won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Cry, but heaven doesn’t hear what you wanna say

The angels left you powerless, they don’t exist for today

Laugh until the laughter begins to sound suspicious

No one could be that happy, but we’re just both auspicious

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the lyrics you never wrote down, now won’t you sing along

The zephyr under our interlocked eyes won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Talk, but the stars only hear static words and white noise

Expectations take over emotions, you just wanna have a voice

Count sheep until we run out of sandy footprints to break

I’ll go around, wrapped in your bedpost, dreaming of mistakes

.

Keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the instrument in your hands, now won’t you sing along

The breeze by our swaying hips won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin gets it all wrong

.

Kiss, but hell is so faraway from everything else

Slowing down time as gravity makes contact with nonsense

Dance until we’re out of breath, until we don’t care

You’re my spin the bottle, but babe I’m your truth or dare

.

So keep me in your sights, and double double dare me

I’ll be the only favourite song you know, now won’t you sing along

The tempest brewing between our tense lips won’t be won’t be

Won’t be blowing until our skin feels warm and our hearts get it all wrong.

~*~

Feeling my love mood—I kind of see you
When I climb into my mind, that’s where I keep you
And lately where I waste my time
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, show me everything I want
Because I want you now…

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Somaesthetics

Something filled up my heart with nothing
Someone told me not to cry
But now that I’m older, my heart’s colder
And I can see that it’s a lie
Children, wake up, hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust…

~*~

carry me through

what could have been

injections and evolutions

under jaded azaleas

full moon waltzing in

crests of hillside repentance

oh, how the violas sing

for the desuetude of their whim

is there a feather in flight?

or am i merely hallucinating?

answer not my inquiry

and let the mirages dream

in an adenochrome perspicacity

and cryogenic sunlight

as if the stars are a talisman

to your manic narcotics

they won’t steal a lullaby

simply so you can push back

the ocean waves with your palms

and set the branches on fire

no; if then, where will we be?

haunted by archaic conglomeration

of words whispered with your

carcinogenic nicotine lips

tasting the heroin with needles

and rusted safety pins

but lusting for the lancinating

ripples of wearied crucible

who knew addiction is so grand?

but like the allegories you

stabbed in the acheronian dark

and the promises that we’ve

sewn on our paper wrists

impediments and lassitudes

are but an oil burner in the cellar

whose arrhythmic flame

snuffs out with the damping

tempestuous breeze of your own scathed

somaesthesia and noiseless lungs.

~*~

If the children don’t grow up, our bodies get bigger
But our hearts get torn up, we’re just a million little gods
Causing rain storms, turning every good thing to rust
I guess we’ll just have to adjust…

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