Tag Archives: pathetic

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I’m relapsing down again

There’s desperation everywhere

And it’s fucking contagious

It’s just another one of those days

Where I’m sinking in misery

And suffocating in my own self-pity

For no rational reason at all

That it’s almost pathetic

It is fucking pathetic.

I’m feeling the need badly

To colour my world with carmine

And murder my twisted veins

But I can’t, I shouldn’t—

I thought I called a ceasefire

But it’s burning in my heart

Tearing apart my mind with screams

And making my senses recede

Into senselessness that ironically

I can cancel out with one

Silver glint and a single slash

But I won’t, I musn’t—

And yet I really fucking should.

The crave is almost unbearable

I can’t resist falling in from the sin

Please pray, please understand

I need the pain to breathe

My lungs refuse to provide oxygen

I need this pain to live

I really don’t want to…

But I have to.

Please don’t let me touch the blade

Please don’t let my skin touch the blade

Please don’t let me…

D o n ‘ t . . .

I’m sorry.

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Stalker

stop obsessing

over my life

just because you

need to get one

of your own.

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This Dizzy Dreamer and Her Bleeding Little Blue Boy

Licking your fingers like you’re done
And you’ve decided there is so much more than me
And baby honestly it’s harder breathing next to you, I shake
I brought a gun and as the preacher tried to stop me
Hold my heart, it’s beating for you anyway…

~*~

There is a delusion of us I hoped vainly to abstain

I’d lust after this dissolution, but it never remains

Both blank eyed, watching kaleidoscopic scenery

Against smoky shadows of automatic machinery

.

I am a Tom Sawyer stuck in the American Gothic

So drive a pitchfork in my chest, call me pathetic

I’m used to heaving, this deluded boy won’t think

Pastel pink of watered-down blood lining the sink

.

Now my tongue is fettered to the roof of my mouth

Preoccupied with my dizzy little girl from the south

Her poison scented soft like a postcard from France

Breaking off both wrists with her single cold glance

.

You gave me a present, I wasted it reaching the past

I swear these mnemonics were not supposed to last

I won’t be able to retrieve those nights that you stole

Crushed like my soul to draw my portrait in charcoal

.

Your silver necklace is beginning to tighten like a noose

The chain links are tiredly tarnished but I can’t set loose

I’ll die clashing against gold and in monochrome lockets

Please save my heart dizzy girl, and hide it in your pocket.

~*~

What if I can’t forget you?
I’ll burn your name into my throat
I’ll be the fire that’ll catch you
What’s so good about picking up pieces?
What if I don’t even want to…?

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Picture Perfect Family

Welcome to my home

I’m glad you came

We are very much pleased

To make your

Comely acquaintance.

See that over there?

There, by the side—

Oh no, no, silly;

Not the unswept

Debris of dirt and

Smashed plates and

Fragile china sets,

Pray not step on it

You might get

Wounded worse

Than I did.

Not the bloodstains

On the beige wall,

An abstract painting

Of all the beatings

We fought for.

Not the snivelling

Figure in the corner,

Sulking and muttering

That’s just my sister

Nor the vomit

On the decaying floor

Presented thus

By my piss drunk

Loser brother.

Ignore the sounds

Upstairs as well,

My mother’s crying

And father’s screaming

Might be a little

Distracting to you.

It’s over there,

By the side of the

Chimney, on

The mantelpiece…

Yes, that one

The cracked frame

With the shattered glass

Which is in fact

A photograph

Of me and

My happy family

All smiling parodically

With dead eyes

And ironic peace signs

And content with

Our normal lives…

Charming, isn’t it?

That’s just me

And my perfect family

What more can we ask for?

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A Hypocrite’s Hell

Filthy hypocrite;

The rancid words

That you shiv on me

Your blood and flesh,

Are just as sugary

As the sweet nothings

You whisper to

The boys you play

With every night.

Either way, both are

Deceiving blades

That disorient our

Sensibility and make

Us crave for heat.

You’re connivingly

Talented, I’ll give you that.

Filthy hypocrite;

Why don’t you dress

For decency when

You face us, yet

Wear your finest

Wardrobe for your

2 AM excursions?

It’s all about superficial

Identity, and you

Harass us for opinions

When we don’t care

If you paraded across

Town looking like a

10 million dollar diva

Or a homeless rag whore

Clothes can’t hide

Your monstrosity

Anymore, you see?

Filthy hypocrite;

Be less concerned

About the way

You look to others

And start caring

Not about the

Mindless materialism,

Or cash, but just

Actually give a

Damn about us.

Not like I’d expect

It anytime soon

But it would be

Quite nice for once.

Filthy hypocrite;

You’re the poison

That cripples my veins

The shitty anxiety

That never rests

The repressing memory

That suffocates,

Trying to stop the

Strangers that keep

Me fucking alive

And yet you say

You’re only helping,

You only want

The best for me

Well if you want to,

Then let me just

fucking breathe.

Filthy hypocrite;

I’m supposed to

Appreciate the way

You act, and I’m

Supposed to love

You unconditionally,

Yet here I am,

With a loathing and

Death wishes and

Malevolence that

Throbs behind my

Eyes wholeheartedly…

It’s funny, isn’t it?

And yet no one’s laughing.

Not me, not the knives,

Not the hate you branded

On the undersides of

Our petulant brains.

You think I’m smiling,

But it’s called gritting

My teeth and biting

My tongue to shreds,

Haven’t you noticed?

So, filthy hypocrite;

Laugh it off, won’t you?

It’s advantageous to

Your moral decay

And human indecency

An a smile faker than

Eating plastic surgery,

But at least you’re

Content in gloating

Over how parasitically

Charming you are,

Fucking happy over

You and your shining

Pathetic status quo.

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Die Prinzessin und der Drache

You’ve got a lot of nerve
But not a lot of spine
You made your bed
When you worried about mine
This ends now!!!

~*~

Will you never learn your lesson of not exacerbating the situation, pretty pink princess, shining of faux bravery and twisted self-pity?

Just when the skies were crystal clear to fly in an easy escape, you stupidly pulled along your own cloud of dark gloom and self-misery

Peal princess of glittering pearls and shimmering gold, sheeny fluffed gown screaming loudly with pathetic colours of desperate attention

You’d do anything to get noticed, going so far as to sneak in the dank dusty dungeons and poke the undisturbed malevolent dragon

Drag the entire town along with your destruction, your diamond crown and sympathetic fake smile acting as your personal “get out of jail” card

Crying a storm of teardrops while taunting behind your spineless back so hard that you deserve your own selfish shameless spiteful award

You may be cold falling rain honey, but my fiery shocking lightning strike travels faster than your foolish self-centered mind would care to think

You maybe think you’re safe for now, but I’ve got wizards held captive, and if only hatred is purely poisonous, then dearie, you’d already be fucking killed.

…and good riddance, too.

~*~

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you
Cause I’ll forget but I’ll never forgive you
Don’t you know, don’t you know
True friends stab you in the front?

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