Tag Archives: personal

innocent

i just want to be innocent again; to have the cracks in my fingernails repaired and the holes in my teeth patched up and my frayed nerves replaced, i want to unlace the dreadful knots in my veins and scare all of the bad thoughts away and find new ways to feel again, ones that do not involve hurt and hate and heartbreak, but instead holds laughter and hope and faithful love—simple words for a simple soul. i just want to be innocent again

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

Care Ethics

Maybe I don’t really want to care

But my mind could only lie so much

To convince the rest of my humanity

That my hard apathy’s set in stone

‘Cause now you’re chiseling it all away

And sculpting a different kind of truth

I swear, the tears in my eyes is just

From all the dust that you’re kicking up

Maybe I shouldn’t really care, I know

That I could weigh myself with worries

And still be rendered powerless to this fate

You’re too far away from my reach

But why am I complaining now, when

I was the one who built this pedestal

For you to stand on with your marble feet

When I know you won’t even care at all?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

amnesiac

11:15 PM, 04.12.19.

i remember

how you used to have

a place in my

memory

but i’m so forgetful

and the shades

are fading

away to a dull grey

like it’s a static

vacation

turned off to

a lost radio station

and you knew,

you knew…

didn’t you?

um, i can’t recall it

anymore—but

all i know is that

i’m fucked up

i fucked up

i fucked it all up.

and i ruined

everything

we had going on

in that warm

summer conversation

where you made

sense, and i

made amends

and the music wasn’t

bad and flat like

a can of unopened

lime soda—

now nothing will ever

be the same again.

i wonder

i wonder much.

i wandered too much.

my head hurts.

everything hurts now.

it’s weird,

but my thoughts

are so numb

and i’m starting to

forget again…

i’m sorry.

who are you?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

on the subject of side glances leading to an unexpected intuition…

the petty assumptions

will do you no good

your mind’s still a mess

leave it as you should

he says it’s mental

that’s right for a change

the thoughts you can’t feel

but you could explain

there’s already one

why are you still looking?

hope has a cost, and

you’ll pay for the broken

so prove yourself wrong now

he doesn’t know yet

but don’t leave all that out, and

dare to find out and forget.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Ataraxia

You’re the anchor

In my wrists

The gleaming blade

In my pendulum

.

You’re the cavity

In my quiet smile

The heave of my

Vulnerable pericardium

.

You’re the torn skin

In my cold lips

The glint of light

In my glass shards

.

You’re the smudged dust

In my spectacles

The blurry red eyes

In my polaroid discards

.

You’re the voice

Inside my empty lungs

The sudden curses

Under my breath

.

You’re the comatose

In my hazeless dream

The last vaccine before

Infection leads to death.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

dizzying drizzles

face the sun, and i’ll keep the rain

well, it’s been a long time coming now

this summertime taste of faintest petrichor

and childishly reminiscing faded epochs

mind not the cold fever and stranger looks

i will dance to rhythms of our favourite songs

flumes washing away the plastic headaches

and these constant tremors shaking my hands

like quiet earthquakes—the crevices in between

falling into my thoughts, breaking out from

lukewarm routine and tepid temperatures

crashing down hazily into sluggish endeavours

but i won’t melt away into a puddle just yet

i’ll go pick up your sunshine from the ground

and we can slip away into pastel phantasms

where i’ll be sure to keep your laughter safe and sound.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

stitches and cosmonauts

9:09 PM.

this picnic blanket

is meant for

two

stars tailored

together

into constellations

spelling out

l o v e

and music made to be

sang out loud

to the countless

infinites

and ringing laughter

and embraces

still left for

the both of us…

but you’re just another

phantom dream

coalescing

without a second

thought, and

i’m just a

lonely figure

covered in shadows

and comet trails

and this fickle

cold weather

as i write

cliché poetry in

the dim nothingness,

still hoping and

waiting

for warmth,

for a lost chance,

for a picnic blanket

meant for

you.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Fill The Void

Started with a little bit
Now I don’t know how to quit
Always feel inadequate
Same way that my daddy did
Mama told me not to try
And I should have taken her advice
And now I’m all twisted
When it’s all gone, I miss it…

~*~

I’ll delude myself with one more week

As if that would make any difference

Feel the rush of false accomplishment

Before the eleventh hour wears it off

.

Control drags furious scars down my limbs

Daring to tear past my cracked pretence

But I just want it to take me by the hand now

And lead me towards that pre-dug grave

.

For a minute of rest, I’ll shut myself

Close my lost eyes and simply throw it all away

The key, the lock, what I’ve worked for

That pointless persistence only fools dream of

.

When the spinning cycle makes me too dizzy

And my dragged footsteps are going nowhere

It’s much better off to be prepared for the worst

I apologise, it’s okay—I’ll be going home soon

.

Because this is always all the same, over and over

I’m tired of being tired, and I’m tired of being me

Distracting myself just so I could make it out alive

When I know there’s nothing left, so why should I be sorry?

~*~

I’ll fight just to do something
I’ll fight ’cause I got nothing
Else that gets me through the day
Till I find another way
I’ll fight just to do something
I’ll fight ’cause I got nothing
Even if I lose again, I can’t quit…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Lights Off

Saturday, 8:41 PM. Earth hour. Los Baños becomes nothing but a phantom silhouette—a haunting afterimage trapped in a glass universe, a distant cosmic echo; reduced to faint outlines fading out into darkness. Humans taper off into pale wandering ghosts.

The stars are in full bloom tonight.

It’s easier to get lost in the incarcerating qualms of one’s infinitesimal existence. Without violent neon glows and blinding horizons to distract from the infinite oceans of nothingness, one is left to float among elusive shadows and falling atmospheres; still quietly wondering.

Surely enough, it’s only an hour of vespertine vigil, barely a notch in time; before the lights flicker back on, and reality takes its steady hold on this hazy daydream once more.

But for now, this pure nothingness—frigid breeze coalescing with transient eventide,

It’s beautiful.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

Liquid Confidence

drain the colours from my mouth

as rainwater dots journal paper

and clever thoughts fall away again—

.

you know i’ll always be in love with you

when you tell me starting over’s just a lie

i crave for the death of disenchantment

.

your currents fade from flitting fingerprints

inkstains getting murkier with each second

reluctance cutting deeper, past cold bones

.

it’s a broken storm hiding inside your lips

and i know i’ll always simply hit and miss

but i swear, it barely hurts to try this time.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry