Tag Archives: please

oh, darlin’

i just

want

to be

okay

for you.

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open season

i have never told you a single thing

because i do not want you involved

i do not want you to get in the way

of such trainwreck i have devolved

if it was better for me, i would bite

they all say it’s what’s fucking right

but i know there’s not a damn point

there’s only cliche bullshit to anoint

of medication and invasive therapy

that leaves no personal room for me

and i do not want paid-for sympathy

nor will i waste my time for insanity

six years i’ve been dealing out alone

and i’m still alive right now, aren’t i?

i’ve done everything to keep it all in

fucked in the head with fucking lies

but i’m fighting back, broke apology

i cut my wrists, but never too deeply

i repress depression, relapse, release

i’ve people to pull me out of the seas

i still hope, i still dream, and i’ll love

i’m still disgustingly human by blood

i am damaged, but that does not mean

that i’m not trying to change anything

so please just stay away from this mess

and honestly, this is just all for the best

say it’s help my mind need endures, but

you just might end up making me worse.

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excuses

may i

please be

excused

for the

rest of

my life?

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release

“…Can you feel my heart?”

~*~

i vain to

detonate

but there’s

no release

in words

or music

or crying

or useless

distractions

there’s no

fucking

meaning

in thoughts

of comforting

nothings

nor salvation

in severing

a million

empty veins

dragging the

red lines past

each other

until both my

arms are

amputated…

how the fuck

do you feel

when you

just don’t

know how to?

where does

the poison

exit your

drugged

up mind

when it’s

lost in a

dark maze?

how does

your sanity

cope with

inevitable

madness

that replaces

its void?

why, just

why do i

have to even

fucking feel?

there is

nowhere to

go but

nowhere;

there is

nothing to

do but

nothing—

it’s fucking

killing me,

but not

enough to

let me die

in peace.

and the

momentum

of pain

is slowly

building

up within…

but it won’t

let me go.

there’s a

rope in my

heart, and

it’s got a

firm hold

but without

the dynamite

all there is

to do is silently

i m p l o d e.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #7 {heights}

i loa[REDACTED] [REDACTED]out [REDACTED]tor, alw[REDACTED] remember.

.

please don’t…

i can’t bear the thought

of this pen moving

and throwing up useless

bullshit yet again…

why do i try? why do i try?

i want to reach for you.

you’re only five feet six inches

short, but when i stand on

your shoulders, i see the whole

universe tearing itself up

apart in neon explosions and

consternated constellations,

and i’m the maestro conductor,

tapping away and waving

the concatenations, every beat

of discord, and the astral

symphony of an entropy.

save me with your caramel arms

don’t let me get sucked in

by the impending black hole

that nullifies every cell, every

song, every damn belief

in my body and system, until

i am reduced to cosmic echoes

of a voided wavelength,

fraudulent e.m.p.t.i.n.e.s.s.

and somehow i would rather

let this planet eat me away.

but don’t let my god go

away for me, love every comet

and asteroid as if it were

my heartbeat and soul,

manipulate the disaster of

my negative existence,

and kiss me goodnight on

this somnolent moontide.

i stopped these knives for you

i’ll make you proud again.

this time, i won’t let the demons

steal my comets and win.

my dearest s.d., you were

always a giant standing among

toy soldiers, so commandeer

the garrison of the angels straight

to heal my stretched humanity

and make my universe spin

once again. i’ll wish for your

comforting star each lonely night,

s.d., so please watch over me

and hope i don’t fall away this time.

love, wishes, and goodbye; signed,

your bleeding little blue moon.

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4 a.m. depression and jealous pasts dripping off the ceiling

thrumming

like fucking echoes

of a firefly miracle

in my coronary doldrum

beating, b-r-o-k-e-n

tongue hanging off

like the way the stars

hold on for gravity but

fall against pierced glass

of darkness anyways

i’m relapsing, r e  c   e    d     i      n        g

the past is killing me again

i say i’m alright

but shit, what if i lied

to myself as well?

the cringes that burrowed

their way into my gelid skin

and gutted my stomach

until i end up heaving in

blood and bile and scissor blades

and choking on perfume

as sweet as promises undone…

fuck you. fuck YOU

please leave me alone, walk

away from my nightmares and

leave my sanity on the doormat

i don’t want to taste your pain

and leave drunk calls on

your answering machine again.

please stop me from you

everything is hurting like hell

on a four a.m. depression

and i’m just trying to fucking

take back sunday and my sleep

from you, so spare me the

profanities and give it back

please, won’t you?

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metal & skin (iii.)

someone

please

give me a

blood donation

so i could

cut myself

and bleed out

all over again.

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This Dizzy Dreamer and Her Bleeding Little Blue Boy

Licking your fingers like you’re done
And you’ve decided there is so much more than me
And baby honestly it’s harder breathing next to you, I shake
I brought a gun and as the preacher tried to stop me
Hold my heart, it’s beating for you anyway…

~*~

There is a delusion of us I hoped vainly to abstain

I’d lust after this dissolution, but it never remains

Both blank eyed, watching kaleidoscopic scenery

Against smoky shadows of automatic machinery

.

I am a Tom Sawyer stuck in the American Gothic

So drive a pitchfork in my chest, call me pathetic

I’m used to heaving, this deluded boy won’t think

Pastel pink of watered-down blood lining the sink

.

Now my tongue is fettered to the roof of my mouth

Preoccupied with my dizzy little girl from the south

Her poison scented soft like a postcard from France

Breaking off both wrists with her single cold glance

.

You gave me a present, I wasted it reaching the past

I swear these mnemonics were not supposed to last

I won’t be able to retrieve those nights that you stole

Crushed like my soul to draw my portrait in charcoal

.

Your silver necklace is beginning to tighten like a noose

The chain links are tiredly tarnished but I can’t set loose

I’ll die clashing against gold and in monochrome lockets

Please save my heart dizzy girl, and hide it in your pocket.

~*~

What if I can’t forget you?
I’ll burn your name into my throat
I’ll be the fire that’ll catch you
What’s so good about picking up pieces?
What if I don’t even want to…?

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☆ please ★

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

please be the light

in my endless nights

please be the angel

that comes when i call

please be the sight

horizon of what’s right

please bandage my wings

and shatter the walls

please be the fight

between black and white

please catch my halo

when i fall.

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

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Filed under Poetry, Southern Constellations

Falling Down and Burning Holes

Sometimes I just

Need a leverage

Even though no

One is asking

Me to hold

On.

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