Tag Archives: poem

Sick Sickly

I go through all the trouble
Of keeping it within my walls
I try to be as subtle as I can
Assume that nothing needs me
All I’ve done defeats me
It looks like you were right again
And again, I let you find it on your own
Then I found myself alone…

~*~

I feel kind of sad today

It’s the type of sad where

I somehow feel physically sick

Of everything and nothing

Of myself and everyone

Of whatevers and howevers

All at once and all I just wanna do

Is curl up until the hurt starts

To wane away—if it ever

Wanes away—and yet I don’t

Even know why I’m so sad

I don’t know why I feel wrong

I don’t know why I’m complaining

When I have scars to remind me

That this is what’s supposed

To be a normal feeling for me

And it shouldn’t come as a

Surprise that I still missed this

I miss feeling like shit, feeling

Like I’ll always miss you, feeling

Like there’s really nothing left

But this miserable stasis I

Locked myself into, and it will

Always be that way, no matter

What I do and how much I try to

Distract myself because it’s

Always going to be what’s left

For me in the end. Just me and

This fucking sickness, the type of

Sad that feels so unreasonable

The type of sad that sticks in my mouth

The type of sad that makes me

Feel okay that it will never be okay

And I should just learn to live with that.

~*~

The more I want in, the more I want in
The less I know, the less I know
But I’m forgotten, I’m forgotten
I’ll be alone, I’ll be alone, I’ll be alone
With everybody watching me
Uh oh, where can I go?
Everybody’s watching me…

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fickle

maybe not

perfect

maybe not

anything

brand new

.

maybe not

perfect

maybe just

good enough

for you.

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Falling Out Of Place

God knows where

Guess it’s only fair

To take me apart

From the bottom up

.

If you’re too bored

To even say goodbye

Then the door’s ajar

There’s no time to lie

.

We left the old days

For a stubborn haze

A feverish fantasy

Some call it insanity

.

Feel the rush collide

With nothing more

Please wipe your blood

Off the bathroom floor

.

Don’t leave a message

It’s really rude to stare

I’ll be here, and you’ll be

Fucking god knows where.

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Habromania

you’re the worst kind

of mental disturbance

.

an overreactive type

of chemical imbalance

.

you’re the bad version

of a daydream in winter

.

a paroxysmal state of

transience in evermore.

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Still. Alive.

We are made of confused atoms and endless fathoms

And falling in love, in the wrong place at the wrong time

Chasing cigarettes on sixth street astride a flock of pigeons

On a sombre wedding day, runaway like the cotton-lily bride

But her wrists are coated with bright red lipstick she wiped off

After she found out that happily ever after didn’t really exist, train

Dragging along the sidewalk, scraped skateboards and wet chalk

And grinding teeth and damp laundry scattered by grumpy landlords

Perfect enemies knocking down old drywall while the rats complain

And the best friend you haven’t talked to in decades just showed up

At your doorstep dead 2 AM, mostly drunk sometimes troubled to crash

In your couch, grin that familiar grin and ask you how you’re doing

Pretend that the medication in the bathroom cabinet’s only Ambien

And quietly sneak out the morning barelaced and shamefaced so

You’re all alone again, tapping to the faded songs you never recorded

Right by the dusty windowsill as elusive spiders build their homes in

The flat you can’t quite call your home, haunted by strangers’ past bodies

And his awful-scented aftershave of coriander that seems to linger forever

And an uprising in every locked closet hiding identities and mothballs and

Childhood VHS tapes and taped-up mystery boxes containing what might

Just be forgotten yellowing letters and cheesy postcards from every state, or

The very key to unlocking the ultimate truth of the entire universe itself…

But we’re all too busy losing our phases and being torn back to ashes to ever find out.

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bygones

We hear that rumbling song in the distance
It’s coming closer, but we don’t like to talk about it
The sticks and stones won’t build you a home
And every word, it will exert you ’til you’re done…

~*~

hear me scream

your pity in disguise

verses reimbursing

an arcane surprise

so go find the me that

dripped down your

throat like madness

and felt like a cold

decimating the decay

or so i’ve been told

.

a night of encounter

faded into sometimes

sessions in the theatre

to remind you’re not mine

withdrawals attacking

this most awful defiance

but maybe if you don’t

find me out to fix me up,

soon enough, i’ll be able to

avoid this unexposed romance.

~*~

Where do we start
If we will end apart?
Where do we go from here?
It’s head versus heart
It will all be clear someday…

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intercosmic

if you’re simply

too out there

like outer space

then i’m the

only cosmonaut

that dares to fly off

in a rocket and

remove my helmet

.

to take a deep

breath of your void

tastes of stardust

to make my lungs spin

maybe my head will

pop like a comet

or maybe you would be

my discovered planet.

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pseudonym [5]

align the circumstances, hold crossfade

nebulae nightfall, slow ebb and cascade

dazing daylight dying out to desecration

younger aspidistras, bloom of cataclysm

.

chasms christening the edge of this infinity

imperceptible yet infallible, my invincibility

zoetropes of crushed sympathy hold back a lie

elysium and eloquence to pray forth when i sigh

kerosene for my lips, my bones to scatter the sky.

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[d]anger

a kettle

in my temples

shrieking—

building up

into violence

.

blood is

scalding me

running down

elbows and

bedsheets

.

an urge

to shatter

bone and metal

just to receive

the release

.

disjointed

lack of control

a sickening

satisfaction, then

didappointment

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Rebound

Too much animosity
Nobody does it better than the enemy
A hope like yours won’t help me now
You can do your worst to me
At the end of the day, that’s what you do best…

~*~

Call me only when your mind is fucked

Say “I love you” and I won’t say it back

Keep your hands to yourself, take it slow

Your orphan eyes won’t be my deathblow

.

Call me only when your eyes are red as day

Still high from crying, smoke the pain away

Knock on my door for three weeks straight

Be a sidewalk stray, love, know I won’t wait

.

Call me only when you need someone else

To be your plastic pleasure, I wish you well

Kill yourself drunk to crave yourself sober

I’ll only really be here to tell you it’s all over.

~*~

I wasn’t enough
You bled me dry, which way is up?
Oh, you’re a lie, and fake
I hope the truth is not too late
That’s what you do best!

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