Tag Archives: reach

only

maybe i don’t

matter much

in an ocean of

bodies, far away

beyond your reach

.

but i still want to

say what i think,

all i’ll mean—just

know that you will

always be my favourite.

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Losing Oxygen

Every famous blunt excuse

That left scuffs on the soles of your shoes

A three-dimensional dementia

Escaping with a bloodied insignia

The air feels solid; just another futile reach

Of what is unhinged and rusted away

Nuanced flares, serendipitous glimpses

Desperation worth what you needed to say

Push and pull at the faulty gravity

As the swelling throats, unable to scream,

Still sing until dehydration and reverie

Now transcending into an angel’s bad dream.

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R·A·R·E

“But I will soon forget the colour of your eyes
And you’ll forget mine…”

~*~

Oh honey, just know I think you’re rare

But so do a million pairs of staring eyes

I carved your eternal words on my skin

While their dirty desks are filled with lies

.

But I’ll ignore the protests of my chest

I was your worst, but you were my best

Convulsions staunched won’t be enough

To revive my suppressed detesting to last

.

So let me be your only saving grace notion

Under conflagration, in epileptic inspiration

I’ll be your rage, you’ll be my perfect disease

Cure my unclung heartstrings from mercenaries

.

That vain to steal the gold rush in your tongue

And leave the staccato pain where it all began

You’re staling breath my lungs sought to keep

I can exhale underwater if my onyx skies need

.

A drop of fragile storm, if your drought doesn’t break

And I’ll listen to your soft melodies just to stay awake

They’re all florid sycophants, ostentatious in clamours

They may casually admire, but I would eternally adore

.

Because darling, I always think you’re the rarest of them all

And a million pairs of eyes might look but they’ll never know

How, in this peripheral passion, how bruised and cursed I’d fall

Just to reach the light that you hold, I’ll always stay while they all go.

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going, going, gone

Why does it feel like home when I’m lonely?
I always found on the solid ground
I was tripping away from space and time
I don’t really mind that I’m slipping…

~*~

would they notice

if my eyes faded away

and i lost my way

to the beckoning light?

the constructed highways

and hanging bridges

i still have to traverse are

too treacherous for my feet

and i can’t drag it out

watch me fight back

my shoulders straining to

remove the weight of the world

from its teetering blades

and yet i fell off the balance

waiting for the end of hell

in the beginning of the creation

closing my open heart

in this faceless underwater

i’ll feel anxiety again if i resurface

so i’ll embrace the cold and let

myself sink peacefully

all the way to the bottom

soothing the burns in my tongue

and the wait that manifests

saying i’ll jump off if i’m far too lost

and no one could come with me

to the deepest end of nowhere

where no one could reach my hand

and pull me back again

into the chaos they call home

who knows if i could still return

maybe i’ll just disappear for a while

after all, no one would notice.

~*~

We could disappear for a while
We could disappear if we’re going far away
It’s not running away, we were never meant to stay
In the first place, we could disappear for a while…

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Defying Deities

Oh, so that’s the manifesto, isn’t it

That the rest of us have to drag out

On our bloody and bruising knees

Just to reach you, just to touch you

Like a self-serving punctilious deity?

.

But has it ever occurred to you

That you’re just not worth it?

.

Because attempts aren’t enough, no

We have to break in the better side

Of us until you proclaim that we’re

Worth it, still refusing to get down

From the pedestal you built yourself

.

But has it ever occurred to you

That we just don’t give a fuck?

.

And if we were all to go beyond such

Immeasurable bounds of that declining

Reputation, for something that should be

Handed out freely in the first place, then

Why should we bother praying for your

Nonexistent grace, dying for a miracle?

.

But we should, we unquestionably should

Because you’re just that sacred, right?

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neurotic and numb

it’s the lowest low

i’ve ever reached

and i loved every

damn minute of it 

it’s the deepest cut

i have ever dared

and yet somehow

i barely even felt it.

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sounds of pain in the haemorrhage of a beast

the thoughts that confine

and slow down the

softer sounds of pain

as the beast in my mind

slips and slurs again

tonight; it shall sleep

but the sky is still

spinning under zero gravity

and the madness still

tastes like alcohol forbidden

on my hanging tongue

with every stupor prayer

that releases and unleashes

itself under my nerves,

the weakness manifests in

forms of darkness and

silhouettes and bulletproof

hearts lying under a pressure

and severed lust again

no more shall serpents hiss

about the aspiration and

initiation, all subdued into a

paralysing self-sedation

in the vigil of a ghostly moon

reflected under a lake

like a hallucinated mirror

glimmering in blades

swinging its pendulum knife

downwards, inch by inch

until the thoughts that

confine and slow down the

softer, senseless sound of pain

reaches the beast in my mind

and it bleeds out again.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #7 {heights}

i loa[REDACTED] [REDACTED]out [REDACTED]tor, alw[REDACTED] remember.

.

please don’t…

i can’t bear the thought

of this pen moving

and throwing up useless

bullshit yet again…

why do i try? why do i try?

i want to reach for you.

you’re only five feet six inches

short, but when i stand on

your shoulders, i see the whole

universe tearing itself up

apart in neon explosions and

consternated constellations,

and i’m the maestro conductor,

tapping away and waving

the concatenations, every beat

of discord, and the astral

symphony of an entropy.

save me with your caramel arms

don’t let me get sucked in

by the impending black hole

that nullifies every cell, every

song, every damn belief

in my body and system, until

i am reduced to cosmic echoes

of a voided wavelength,

fraudulent e.m.p.t.i.n.e.s.s.

and somehow i would rather

let this planet eat me away.

but don’t let my god go

away for me, love every comet

and asteroid as if it were

my heartbeat and soul,

manipulate the disaster of

my negative existence,

and kiss me goodnight on

this somnolent moontide.

i stopped these knives for you

i’ll make you proud again.

this time, i won’t let the demons

steal my comets and win.

my dearest s.d., you were

always a giant standing among

toy soldiers, so commandeer

the garrison of the angels straight

to heal my stretched humanity

and make my universe spin

once again. i’ll wish for your

comforting star each lonely night,

s.d., so please watch over me

and hope i don’t fall away this time.

love, wishes, and goodbye; signed,

your bleeding little blue moon.

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jeaLousy

it hurts—

that i could

never

amount to you

though

i try to reach

above

but i just never

do quite

make it and

i just always

stumble and fall

a step

behind…

you hurt.

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Gold Memory Impression

And life is a joke, at least I can love you
Naked and tattooed, counting the stars and scars
And if the pain is a sound, let’s slow it down
Desperate times and desperate measures
I come so close, my hopes are severed by the downside
A million waves in the ocean crash at once
To make you smile…

~*~

A million gold chain links keep me

From reaching your constellations

Idled in a twenty-four hour carpark

5 AM’s ticking away consternation

Chasing the moon whilst in flames

Trace your caved-in lungs and eyes

A stalactite drips your frozen name

Aroma of an elixir that I so despise

Dear, you’re intoxicating as stardust

You’re my personal brand of alcohol

I’m branded by seventeen tally marks

Scratching poems on limestone walls

Unopened pack of A-Lucky Cigarettes

Dragging sanity in soft pewter whorls

Acrid tastes of initial cheaper regrets

As midnight ashes begin softly to fall

I wash the warm blood off my hands

And reach for you, my own lucky star

These rust chains will dissolute soon

Yet leave jagged edges of ruby scars

Still, no matter, that don’t matter now

Your luminance is worth all the pains

Honey, the only thing that I care about

Are your lips leaving a permanent stain.

~*~

Now, I only pray when it all goes down
I’ll be surrounded by the ones I’ve loved
And cared about, and then burn it down
Your serotonin’s gone, kerosene’s gone
The sunset is gone, so hold on…

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