Tag Archives: realism

RE: anxiety’s a bitch but I don’t want to be whinging too much about it because it could be so much worse off, so here’s a dumb thing I did instead

The current state of the world getting worse and worse with every passing minute + some personal comedowns and lingering paranoid afterthoughts + just the usual unreasonable brain dysfunction fuckery have really got my anxiety spiking up to unbearable extents lately, so here are some random practice gouache animals I painted last night in an attempt to zone out of reality and keep myself distracted for a couple hours.

Well I mean, they’re supposed to be animals but I don’t really know how to properly draw any sort of creature outside of Pokémon species and Animal Crossing villagers, so they’re more really closer to vague, blobby, bastardised approximations of what may or may not be IRL animals or just completely made-up ones at this point, soz who knows. I obviously couldn’t be arsed halfway through making some of these and that’s why they look like they crave the sweetest release of death but oh well :^) 20 internet points if y’all could tell which ones those were (surprise!! t’was actually all of them!! jk but not really). I think the bee looks the best though, I did love making those fuzzy textures and translucent wings and ah heck maybe I just like bees a lot anyhow, bzz bzz. Also, slightly off-topic but my poor sketchbook is falling apart so much that it’s basically only held together by crude bits of washi tape at this point and I only have less than ten pages before I finally fill it all up and wow I reeeeaaally need to purchase a new one at the earliest possible convenience. Hopefully a better quality one that won’t buckle too much if at all under my constant art supply abuse???

Anyway, I digress. I’ve also found that listening to instrumental piano music greatly helps to calm me down—as much as I do adore electric guitars beating me up with crunchy distorted djent riffs, extreme nonstop drum snares and blast beats, and spaghetti bass strings tuned lower than hell itself whilst the vocalist with a voice of fifty tortured lovecraftian monsters shrieking in unison beckons me on to get the fuck up and disrespect my surroundings, bless that heavenly beautiful-sounding instrument as welland I listened to the 0124 album by Hiroko Murakami while making these (along with some soul-cleansing classical pieces by Debussy and Ravel, can’t go wrong with those ofc). And if all else fails, I pretty much just make a nice fresh mug of lemon green tea and nick some biscuits off the grocery bags and then afterwards proceed to curl up and bury my face in my sleeping cat’s soft warm tummy for a couple minutes and quietly yell about uninteresting trivialities until I either start to feel better or simply pass out from severe exhaustion. As a matter of fact, I think that may hit the spot, so ta and goodbye for now :>

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Filed under Prose

walking on sunshine

nary shall i seek

the sun in poetry

radiance and warmth

an optimistic aesthete

.

rather, i dost seek

the sun in reality

combustive and burning

a dangerous desecrate.

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Filed under Poetry

★ without ☆

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

i am wanting

in faith and hope

or so you say

my prayers and

paeans don’t make

it through a day

what’s left of the

ribbons i tie in my

withered hair

and gaze at the

sunset without

any unawares

i’m lacking in joy

and bloat with

sheer despair

and i see all the

world as just one

big daycare

wallowing with

small children

waiting to be fed

spoiled and brute

and discontent

until they’re dead

a cynic, a cyanide

a crass coldhearted

curdled milkmaid

who smashes the

glasses, and steps

on the carnage

i am scarce of love

and emotions, they

say it’s quite unfair

but i’m willing to try

all this silliness, only

if someone will share.

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

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Filed under Poetry, Southern Constellations