Tag Archives: repair

Swallowing Diamonds: Does It Hurt?

Don’t even know if you left a note
Should we blame the Dekapote? Or vilify the Abilify?
You were trying to find your vanilla sky
Then you unravel, facedown on rock bottom
Fucking chewing gravel, because
A human’s so fragile, what can you do?

~*~

Got another issue

Pressing like a migraine

And all the healthy “bless you’s”

Can’t repair, can’t compare

To the amount of extraordinary pain

That’s felt with every angry stare

.

So I take a pistol that’s pink on one end

And swallow it whole ‘cause my life depends

On the gunpowder chemicals

Checking up on my broken physicals

Recycling my blood through and through

10 out of 10 doctors recommend that it’s true

.

They all thought I was blissful

‘Cause they never wanna hear about

The things that are fucking awful

Trained by clinical trials, trained by pharmaceuticals

So I’m still saying “I don’t need your help!”

As I choke on my fucking gavel

.

I’ve got a teaspoon of anxiety for my head

And a glass of borderline thoughts before I go to bed

As my body fights every request and rejects my skin

The strangers may praise me, but I will never win

Even if I had all the money in the world to sell out what I love

Would that change the happiness I lack in my blood?

.

‘Cause everyone’s a critic

And a cynic and they all “get it”

When they’re living in glowing cities

With their missus, acting clever

With their 9-5 IQ’s and 401k GPA endeavours

Feeling guilty their children didn’t get their Nerf Guns

.

But monsters don’t discriminate, it’s all fair game

No blame on no names, every label is the same

You could be sitting in gold and still don’t want to get old

You could be in a prison cell and don’t do what you’re told

Or you could be like me, contemplating a straitjacket tee

On my way out to an existence that doesn’t cope out too badly

.

So maybe there are issues that cannot be fixed with tissues

Or underhanded “you’re fine’s” or endless rounds of “bless you’s”

But it doesn’t hurt to compare and it doesn’t hurt to repair

The amount of extraordinary pain that no fake adrenaline stain

Nor serotonin on our hair, taken with a beggar’s angry stares

I’m only human like you and them after all, would it hurt me to care?

~*~

They press our teardrops into diamonds
They change our sorrows into gold
They’re gonna turn our blood to rubies
We just need someone we can hold…

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the fix

i’m so sorry

i keep failing

and slipping

and breaking

i promise you

that next time

i’ll try to stifle

down the cracks

and pretend better

that i’m repairing.

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Caution: FRAGILE THINGS

Scratching at the floor inside my mind.
They all accept the lie
So bury what you are outside
Brother, please don’t be afraid of me
I know you’re tortured within
And your eyes look hungry again
But I’ll never wander, my friend…

~*~

…I know you’re broken again.

Dropped around so you put a faint sloppy smile on your flushed face that winds up dead

You’re ripping pages apart and erasing carefully those ugly murky dark finger ink stains

That betray the crimson words and scarlet fevers that your wounded soul has already bled

.

I know you’re broken again.

Not handled properly, so you bite on your chafed ragged fingernails to the very bone

And when your absconded voice runs out of sappy silver songs to hear and lend

All that screeches in your knotted earphones is lyrical dissonance and static tones

.

I know you’re broken again.

Tossed about, and that bubbly sweetened façade fizzles, falling tastelessly flat

You’re stabbing rueful aching defamations that your hushed lips never meant

And even God gets tired of your weakening queries of who’s and why’s and what’s

.

I know you’re broken again.

When those fragile blue glass eyes never really quite meet the glance of faith

Grimaced mouth waiting to snap, twitching like ochre flaming moths in pain

Drowning in shots after shots of stinging ethanol in a pub to sober up your hate

.

I know you’re broken again.

When every quiet whisper of your heart chambers reek badly of senseless suicide

Backed by the clanking chains wrapped in your shallow breathing throat, paced to remain

When your serpentine skin sheds to bare a beastly monster into a somnolent night

.

I know you’re broken again.

Those transparent crystal dragonfly wings will always continue crumbling down, sweetie

So just tell me, just tell me, confess under these chandelier midnight skies and silent drumlins

Won’t you tell me the truth already, ’cause I really thought that I never meant to hurt nobody

.

I know you’re broken again.

Falling apart into fettered jigsaw pieces, wading soggy and silent on the shower floor

Scalded glimmering tears and soap-studded scars, and down the rusty drain they blend

Screaming nothings to the stained tiles and they only echo back until your ears are sore

.

I know you’re broken again.

And you know I can see past your haunted dreams and marionette theatrical show

And we both know I also spend a thousand nights awake caught in emotions of frigid snow

I can see through your perfect acting, I’m just another actor who crashed your play though

.

I know you’re broken again.

With those telltale signs, those nuanced symptoms, those empty orange prescriptions

You’re shaking pink pills and suppressing purple chills and tasting bitterly warm oxygen

No complex mystery, only crestfallen sympathy, honestly, you’re mirroring my every depiction

.

No need to hide and desensitise and patch up with poignant pretty lies, I know you’re broken again

You’re a dimming lightbulb with a flickering glow of hope and it’s shattering my hued fairy lights when

There’s no need for wasting life on lost farewells and waiting list-prayers, I know we’re broken again

But we’re tangled selfishly in our own great escapes, caught up in sin, why didn’t we think to just fix each other then?

.

…I know we’re broken beyond repair.

~*~

This is not what I want
But now it’s what I need
Can I just have one more taste
Just to make it through the day?
You’re tangled in
You’re tangled in the great escape…

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