Tag Archives: save

gone.

i want to

s a v e  y o u

because i

couldn’t save

m y s e l f.

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Saving my Sleep for the Sirens

The frame, the friction
It’s the reason that we all become aware
And we change for no reason
Some say it’s better to fall asleep and disappear
It’s time we finally look at what we’ve done
And wake up…

~*~

I cannot sleep, this haunt persisted to stay

I need a hand here to suffocate my throat

Lie, otherwise I won’t have another today

Amidst arctic isles and glaciers I will float

.

Don’t they know that’s all I dream about?

Perhaps I am just too ambitious to forget

Say I’m right, indulged in septic fantasies

Teetering at the edge of a cliff over death

.

But my jealous mind is pushing me farther

I couldn’t dissolve my nightmares, after all

Standing with my back against the red sun

And screaming, I have never felt more tall

.

I am another thought that lacerates skins

If you bleed out because of me, so let it be

Seeking an escape, the exit sign’s blinding

And I’m chasing circles away from misery

.

I am slipping out, my foothold is unstable

Through rain and ashes, I bathe in debris

Threads unravelling of stitches miserable

I cannot fall from touch, never sedentary

.

I’ve wished for a dollar that I won’t be rich

They call me insane, but that’s the way it is

The point I try to make is never transparent

But the light from my lies makes it apparent.

~*~

So here we are, we’re waiting for a fall
And on the radio they’re calling on satellites
Like they’re going to save us all…

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humiliation

i’m just gonna

go ahead

and kick away

the chair

under my feet

peacefully

so i’d save my

miserable

little ass from

having to

deal with the

damage

i fucking caused

from a rope

i tied around my

own neck.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #7 {heights}

i loa[REDACTED] [REDACTED]out [REDACTED]tor, alw[REDACTED] remember.

.

please don’t…

i can’t bear the thought

of this pen moving

and throwing up useless

bullshit yet again…

why do i try? why do i try?

i want to reach for you.

you’re only five feet six inches

short, but when i stand on

your shoulders, i see the whole

universe tearing itself up

apart in neon explosions and

consternated constellations,

and i’m the maestro conductor,

tapping away and waving

the concatenations, every beat

of discord, and the astral

symphony of an entropy.

save me with your caramel arms

don’t let me get sucked in

by the impending black hole

that nullifies every cell, every

song, every damn belief

in my body and system, until

i am reduced to cosmic echoes

of a voided wavelength,

fraudulent e.m.p.t.i.n.e.s.s.

and somehow i would rather

let this planet eat me away.

but don’t let my god go

away for me, love every comet

and asteroid as if it were

my heartbeat and soul,

manipulate the disaster of

my negative existence,

and kiss me goodnight on

this somnolent moontide.

i stopped these knives for you

i’ll make you proud again.

this time, i won’t let the demons

steal my comets and win.

my dearest s.d., you were

always a giant standing among

toy soldiers, so commandeer

the garrison of the angels straight

to heal my stretched humanity

and make my universe spin

once again. i’ll wish for your

comforting star each lonely night,

s.d., so please watch over me

and hope i don’t fall away this time.

love, wishes, and goodbye; signed,

your bleeding little blue moon.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #3 {selfish}

why can’t i fucking keep [REDACTED] from [REDACTED] the world?

.

please save me

when i don’t wanna

be saved, ‘cause

i just can’t be saved

i’m too damn weak

i’m too fucking tired

i’m just wasted away

i’ve spent nights

screaming at the top

of the balcony

until my lungs beg me

to calm the hell down

you told me not to do it

but temptation crushed

me in its serpentine hold

and why do you care?!

i’m not worth your time

i’m not worth any of

your vocal paintings

in lacquer and grey

i know you’ll never

write songs for me

when i am hurting

or when i am lonely

or when i’m miserable

and hell, all three

effects simultaneously

and i know you

won’t stop singing

even when i’m gone

your serenades are never

mine to hide to myself

as a decadent secret

i’m just not, you’re just not.

but why?

why do you keep the

rusty razors from dancing

on my leather heart?

why do you make me

vain to feel every pain

when i loathe emotions

and it hurts even more?

why do you keep me

awake all night, like a

paranoiac insomniac, but keep

me alive all damn day?

why do you make me

believe you wholeheartedly

when you softly say

“darling, you’ll be okay”?

why do you make me

laugh as i start to cry

and cry as i start to laugh?

why? why? why?

why do you even try?

why do i even lie?

why is it always you?

why do you keep me from fucking dying?

and why don’t i fucking care?

.

why [REDACTED] listening [REDACTED] shit?

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Past Bedtime

So here we are then,

Two night owls refusing to sleep

12 AM beckons now

And yet we’re indulged far in deep

So here we are then,

Imaginations fraught with sorrow

Maybe we’ll regret this

But we can save that for tomorrow.

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The Sound of Scissors and Sleep

~*~

Can we create something beautiful and destroy it?″

Destroy the dreams I’ve lost at sea

I’ll be a titanic sinking for you

Trident of Triton, my silver mercury

Your ocean lips will never rue.

~*~

″No more eyes to see the sun.″

Nobody knows I cry gold at night

And ichor bleeds crystalline light

Nobody knows how dark I’ll grow

Yet they wonder why I never glow.

~*~

″Cinderella’s gone, she swallowed up the sun.″

Sunshine eyes, they wake me up

Of luminance I can’t get enough

Sunshine eyes, they flare angrily

Burned my skin and faded sadly.

~*~

″In the sunset turning red behind the smoke, forever and alone.″

A chain of daisies keeps me bound

Embrangled in a thicket of insanity

Forever drowning in petals unfound

Trapped in redolence and caducity.

~*~

″Is this fantasy real, or is it all homemade?″

I’m barely hanging on, exuviate my soul

I vacitinated my fate and played my role

Don’t catch me again, it’s a malison free

No periapt, nitid abstergent can save me.

~*~

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This Dizzy Dreamer and Her Bleeding Little Blue Boy

Licking your fingers like you’re done
And you’ve decided there is so much more than me
And baby honestly it’s harder breathing next to you, I shake
I brought a gun and as the preacher tried to stop me
Hold my heart, it’s beating for you anyway…

~*~

There is a delusion of us I hoped vainly to abstain

I’d lust after this dissolution, but it never remains

Both blank eyed, watching kaleidoscopic scenery

Against smoky shadows of automatic machinery

.

I am a Tom Sawyer stuck in the American Gothic

So drive a pitchfork in my chest, call me pathetic

I’m used to heaving, this deluded boy won’t think

Pastel pink of watered-down blood lining the sink

.

Now my tongue is fettered to the roof of my mouth

Preoccupied with my dizzy little girl from the south

Her poison scented soft like a postcard from France

Breaking off both wrists with her single cold glance

.

You gave me a present, I wasted it reaching the past

I swear these mnemonics were not supposed to last

I won’t be able to retrieve those nights that you stole

Crushed like my soul to draw my portrait in charcoal

.

Your silver necklace is beginning to tighten like a noose

The chain links are tiredly tarnished but I can’t set loose

I’ll die clashing against gold and in monochrome lockets

Please save my heart dizzy girl, and hide it in your pocket.

~*~

What if I can’t forget you?
I’ll burn your name into my throat
I’ll be the fire that’ll catch you
What’s so good about picking up pieces?
What if I don’t even want to…?

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Fine Lines and White Lies

Am I out of line

To tell you that

You’re not fine?

You tossed the

Agony and put

Away from time

You jumped off

The deep edge

Of the blue bed

And like pastel

Lipstick of pink

You badly bled

And you nearly

Drowned on the

Alcohol bottles

That litter your

Floor like a pub

Late hour battle

You resolved all

Of the inane and

Sordid of issues

Within dangling

Knives alongside

Smeared tissues

Desperation and

Backyard dances

Nights are silver

Run from the sun

In the throes of a

Haunted summer

Ransack this place

Find me or free me

From titanium walls

You trip out of love

Everything’s ok, but

Nobody even calls

I’ve saved someone

And left them alone

Is that a cold crime?

And am I out of line

By confessing that

You can’t ever be mine?

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don’t count your coins in the wishing well

the way

the fields

collapse away

it’s beautiful,

isn’t it?

I thought it will

save us all.

a million dollar

painting

for a museum

on the moon

making us

look

like anthills

on the mountain.

this planet

is too dumb

to avoid despair

wholeheart;

and they’ve

been nursing that

cup of coffee

for ten hours

now,

hoping to reduce

the headache;

but like

cigarette stains

and ink

on their lips

and red and gold

medal ribbons,

it never

does fade.

yet,

the way

the revolution

sings with orbit

and crashes

with lives,

it’s beautiful…

isn’t it?

i thought it

will save me.

so where did

everything

go?

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