Tag Archives: say

pain(less)

Midday delusions
Of pushing this out of his head
Maybe out of his mind…

~*~

you didn’t use to hurt

but they said it was okay

so you made up some smiles

and you hid it all away

but the smiles have bled out

and your secret is all they could say

you didn’t use to hurt yourself

but you just wanted to feel okay.

~*~

All alone he turns to stone
While holding his breath half to death
Terrified of what’s inside…

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of gods and gold

i am not

who i say i was

and aphrodite

is crying gilded ichor

.

i am not

who i adorn in lies

and fragrance

peripheral

.

i am not

who i wish i was

and demeter

begs for stolen grace

.

i am not

a god bathed in truth

my predicament

is callisto’s eternal.

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Ready Steady

This will always be mine, so much more than just a dream to me
And I will never be fine, with letting you ruin everything
And I will never fucking follow your lead
Give up on you, so you can take it out on me
I’m sorry that you had to watch your life come tumbling down…

~*~

I’m running out of chances to say what I wanna say

I’ll offer myself another but sooner or later, I’ll have to face today

When the burden becomes blood and control turns into cost

And I forget who I am, what was mine and what was lost

.

Open a thousand windows and the doors close off again

They take it out on me, but I always needed the extra dose of pain

Cover it up and keep it down, and my accomplices abandon

Once the going gets tough, thinking I won’t be able to go on alone

.

But keep the cash bet to my name and grit your chipped teeth

I won’t throw away what I can take, I swear I won’t cheat

I won’t cry tears but I’ll spit gasoline just to put out the raging flames

Blame my headspace for the arson and run, it’s just all the same

.

I know the things I’ve said don’t mean much until I do a thing

You can arrest me for my crimes, but I’ve got a jailbreak primed and waiting

I’m running out of chances, but I never needed any in the first place

I never required them to listen, because any day now I’ll have to face my mistakes.

~*~

Now it’s my time and I’m ready to go
Here we go, we got one more chance to make it
Better not lose control
Before everyone forgets your name…

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write and wrong

i’m a liar

and a faker

and i just can’t

say it straight

hide behind

this wall of words

and you can’t

read me so you

would hate

how quite vexing

i am, when i

think i speak so

honestly profound

and i preach

unholy gospels

like another

nameless sound

make a story

with a soft landing

like that would

help the blow

but all it does is

pretend i’m not

dying, that heaven’s

the place to go

i’m a liar

and a faker

i don’t know how

to be sincere

and i wish i could

change myself

but i blurred the

lines too much

to return into clear.

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Causal Events

I will be the vein you’d love to sever

From A to Z and from now to never

Akin to quiet postorgasmic drowsy

So sleep it out and don’t feel sorry

.

I’m not supposed to be the violence

Inside your bones, filled with silence

But the blood still leaves out my eyes

Like an enemy camp abandoning allies

.

I would be this crude cantankerous laugh

Forced out of nowhere, both half and half

They said that fools will never say a thing

But it seems, that’s all that they are doing

.

I could not admit to subaltern abandonment

Venom despising in a twisted-green serpent

Burn the bridges that were never even there

Get rid of the people that are caught unaware

.

I am the derelict heart with no utile functions

In frauds and lies and martyr insubordination

Like a quick temper tantrum, a five dollar sea

Swim inside me so you won’t have to be sorry.

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after the lobotomy

Pardon me, cutting sleep
I’m taking up grinding teeth
You’re why I’m sitting here, hating myself
For needing someone so bad
And feeling dumb dumb dumb…

~*~

mind your head

can’t concentrate

i want you to go

don’t stay away

i’m being feisty

my smile is numb

you got me walking

saying “goddamn”

you’re in my line

of sight and range

but duck your head

before it’s too late

my voices are all out

i won’t say a thing

but i’ll hang around

till i get what you mean

pardon, i lost my mind

when you came around

you’re far too high for me

so let me go, let me go down.

~*~

If why I’m sitting here
All goes wrong
Just pushing me back to Texas
Walking bum bum, goddamn…

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in context

never say anything

if you do not know

the full context of

what was going on

because otherwise

you’re only being

a fool and tripping

on your own tongue.

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teeth that bite

did i say

something

wrong again

or did my

tongue slip?

did i do

something

to break

down that

stiff upper lip?

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Say

Hey, how are you, by the way?

Okay, no more lies this time.

Say you’re not okay.

Say that nothing is fine.

Say everything’s going wrong.

Say your depression is returning.

Say you’re falling apart.

Say you messed up yet again.

Say all the problems you need to relay.

Say people are screwing you over.

Say you keep relapsing again and again.

Say you’re sorry for being a complete mess.

Say you don’t care if you’re being desperate.

Say that life doesn’t want you anymore.

Say you’re fucking giving up.

Say that you actually want to kill yourself again.

Say that this attempt is for good this time.

Say please, please, please you need help.

S a y  i t . . .

Say something…anything…just goddamn say something…

Say anything but—

Yeah, I’m good. I’m great. Never been better.

Fuck.

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on recitation #3

i could never

find the right words

to say,

and when i do

i could never find out

how to say it

in the right way.

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