Tag Archives: scared
lookback
i’m glad you
don’t miss me
i’m glad i
once cared
.
let stasis
take over
were we
ever there?
.
i’m glad you
don’t miss me
or else i
might care
.
the nightmares
are over
but why am i
still scared?
Filed under Poetry
voyeurism
conceal the past
wipe your filthy mouth
but your bridal dress
is quite sleeveless
and there’s too much
blood to staunch now—
now am i your perfect
silent witness?
.
the curtain protesting
against my hunched
body, you thought it was
just the midnight wind
billowing, but it was the
breaths i failed to hold
shallowly enraged and
almost fucking deranged
.
as the unspeakable acts are
fed to me live right before
my eyes, i want to throw up
i want to stain my melting mind
with a heavy dose of ammonia
and scream to god, and scream
to stop, let my oxygen burst into
flames from immense friction
.
disgusted beyond rationality
i can’t look away, my skin shudders
as i seem to hear yours being viciously
torn apart with a sickening rip and
a sickening crunch and a sickening
laugh—but why was it yours, shit
why the fuck was it yours?! eerie calm
ensues but i’m afraid to come out
.
from my flimsy hiding place—all before the lights
turn off and a shadow shifts in front of me…
Filed under Poetry
neon rust
you laugh like neon rust
and i inhale the helium
lightheaded and you lie
.
between the spaces where
you know it would ruin me
saying the stupidest things
it makes me crack up hard
.
even if it’s not funny anymore
and my sides are beginning to
.
bleed with the pressure—eyes
watering into allergic reaction
a waterfall of the words i could
not form in utter fear of choking
scared that you might hear me
.
die on the other side of the road
.
but maybe i’ll risk getting run over again
just to feel that neon rust one last time
Filed under Poetry
anatomical dissection: feet
i don’t want
to walk endless
stretches of miles
for a destination
that doesn’t exist.
Filed under Poetry
A Fool That Stands For Nothing
What good is a life
When you live it ashamed?
I dream just to be halfway
But all I am is a product of
Wasted efforts and best intentions…
~*~
I should have let the rope hurt me
Before I let it fully embrace my breathing
I covered the hope with a black curtain
So I wouldn’t have to see disappointment again
What did I expect? That it would disappear?
That I have everything to gain and nothing to fear?
I fought against reason and wasted my life scared
Asking for every idle chance from a god that wasn’t there
Now they all smile sympathetically and say it’s okay
You weren’t the ones that failed, so how would you know?
Every inch of comfort is uncomfortable and sickening
And every movement from the side is insanely slow
I should have seen it coming, and damn it, I really thought I had
But my head is stubborn and twenty doses of stupid, and I wanted it bad
I act like I’m so clever and apathetic, when all I am is pathetic
I never wanted to let you down, but I did…I fucking did.
~*~
We do this while you start wondering
If disaster is what you’re built for
Will I slowly learn to accept
That I won’t have more than a life on the sidelines
Or will I always be dreaming
Of liking life from the darkness alone?
Filed under Poetry
Come, Morning Light
The fire that left your blanket in ashes
Won’t trouble your cold heart anymore
And the angels that carried your parents
Will not return to take your heart to soar
.
As your little grey ragdoll sits by the ruins
Of the playground you once called “home”
And the shadows that used to play with you
Have disappeared, and now you feel so alone
.
Your tears have mixed with the relentless rain
That put out the wild flames alighting the city
Blossoms wilt and thorns flourish in the grass
The bloodred sunset is more scary than pretty
.
Your brother and sister went off with toy guns
And never returned even after they all promised
So now you sit by the orphanage’s cellar stairs
With others who lost their mummies and daddies
.
Are you alone in this world of detritus and rust?
Every light is killed with a dropping bomb again
Death is your lullaby, quiet music behind the dust
Faithless, will there be someone to save you then?
.
But no, don’t you cry now behind that gas mask
I’ll keep you safe from all the questions unasked
I’ll sing you a song, as this sky falls in fragments
Shield you with my wounded arms from the glass
.
Please don’t fear, you will never have to be hungry
You might dream of hell but heaven is yours to see
Asphalt grey and storms of gloom, as wind billows
Muffle every disaster, sleep soundly in your pillow
.
The war was never meant to be fought by innocence
Just machines to tear apart and men with losing sense
To your damaged soul, fettered with doubts and fears
No one will hurt you now…you’ll be alright, I promise
.
Someday the battle will end, and hope shall soon arrive
We can’t take back what’s lost, but we can change our lives
Open your eyes when the sun returns to shade the dawn
To see the rising daybreak where all your nightmares are gone.
Filed under Poetry
Obnoxious
I think with my heart and love with my head
Do you see the problem here?
You rip me to shreds
I think with my heart, you fuck with my head
Do you see the problem here?
You rip me to shreds, so tear into me…
~*~
I don’t know how to approach without causing a tiffed scene
For the situation is delicate and I’m a pubescent drama queen
With a firsthand awkwardness and an attitude that’s second rate
And a single third-degree word from my mouth could exacerbate
The bad into worse, wrong to right, and the good into questionable
I’ve never known how to react in a way that’s decent and preferable
Because I’ve hurt people too much, and my head is a constant mess
I am just another kid with a mean streak and a biro with a complex
It’s not the way it was anymore, now there’s always a tangible tension
A silent crash of peripheral glares, and a screeching of metal emotions
I’m sorry if I’m maundering, apathetic, and constantly act like I don’t care
But the truth is that I actually care far too much—and that’s why I’m scared.
Filed under Poetry