Tag Archives: sister

Of Despair and Last Resorts

So on to the ocean and into the sea
So balanced and calm now, that’s where I will be
So on to the ocean and into the sea
Wash away all my problems, wash away memories
Back then, always through the shattered glass
I stared at my life, and oh, I wished I would die…


Desperation, desperation, desperation.

A mother so desperate to pay back the unwanted debts she’s accumulated under a harrowing time pressure of “sooner than later”, that she’s tearfully begging her long-deceased husband’s portrait for help and verbally contemplating suicide in front of her children, splashed with witty acerbic remarks to conceal her true intentions.

“If I don’t go home tomorrow, just watch the news and you know what you’ll see.”

A woman so desperate to make amends with her best friend that she personally owes, not just money, but also so much of herself for, and attempting to save face from any further unnecessary embarrassment, that she takes out her unbridled anger on everyone else, including her family, herself, and even her very own infant son.

“You’re all fucking useless. Why don’t you just die if you can’t do anything to help?”

A person desperate for redemption, desperate for change, so fucking desperate to take away any further troubles and problems that they might cause to their family; so much so that they’re prepared to do anything to achieve such a goal, even if it means abandoning their education and their future ambitions just to find an easier route to support them. Or perhaps—a darker and easier solution that’s earnestly contemplated—just to completely remove themselves out of the equation.

“There’s less money to be spent and wasted if I’m not here, right?”

Desperation, it clings to the bruised necks of the needless like curved brier thorns, entangling itself inside fragile throats and lodging itself deeper and deeper with the softest cough, choking the sparest breath out of hope until all that’s left is a heartless fear—a fear of everything and nothing all at once, a fear for everyone else and yourself, a fear of the future, the present, and the past—until all that’s left is irrationality and logical foolishness; until all that’s left is reckless death wish.

Yet, even then, desperation still feeds ravenously. And it never starves.


Take a deep breath now
Pass the shallows

Stay steady and hold on
Through the darkness we all know…

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Filed under Prose

Breaking Point

In opposing parties

There’s always someone

Who’ll finally break

And believe me, sweetheart

I won’t be the one

Making such a big mistake.

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Filed under Poetry

A is for A-Holes, B is for Bullet holes

Big mouths

Deserve an empty chamber

Of a revolver gun

With the smoking muzzles

In their throats

Hot lead bullets decomposing

In their stomachs

Blood painting a constellation

Of pretty viscera

Their faces contorted into horror

Frozen visage with

An added gaping hole to ironically

Put a stopper on

The hole that started their trouble

Big mouths, they

Deserve what comes to them and

I deserve my hand

Resting contentedly on the trigger

With a smile on my face.

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Filed under Poetry


She’s got a smile it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky…


Little child,

Your untainted innocence radiating is constantly so astounding

Your smoky quartz eyes staring wistfully at the painted ceiling

I often catch myself silently pondering, and breathlessly marvelling

At your blessed creation, almost surreal, such a miraculous happening

The universe itself delights gladly, pleased at your very conception

Shooting stars laugh and dance, sharing your birth to the nation

Galaxies veer wildly, clashing, dashing, lost in their excited elation

The daybreak hums, pulling a tapestry of fresh peach horizon

You lie resting peacefully, warmed in the wooden crib’s softest white

Blanket curled carefully yet intricately around your minute body

Tender skin unmarred, soft pink complexion, no scars, just light

An exquisite child made of stardust, love, and all Earth’s sheer beauty

Wispy raven hair falling to your smooth face in daintiest of curls

Tears falling like the clearest rain blown East by the loving zephyr

Toothless mouth and candy floss lips, in a slight smile unfurled

Your every breath taken in like a cherub’s whimsical faint whisper

Sleeping deep in the midnight, what fragile dreams do you bring?

Like a cotton ivory lamb frolicking joyously in the verdant valley spring

A slight twitch, a hint of movement, your mittened fingers in a hold

As you slumber on peacefully and cool oxygen embraces your soul

To the sweetest purest boy, to my sister’s bonny little child

I have been wounded, true, and the world is unruly, terrifying, and wild

This is a heartless, hateful planet, cruel, careless, to have harshly said

Scary monsters aren’t resigned to lurk in your closet and under your bed

They scream, they cry, they grab, they pull, they wail and they punch madly

Though you care not at all, you’re a mellow child, you’re cherished honey

Lovely child, you need not know more, for the darkness is not yet your enemy

But rather, it takes care of you and embraces you, a comforting entity

You’re sinless, your cotton clothes pristine, your childish innocence

Why, even Heaven sings at your sanguine, lighthearted benevolence

I wish you won’t grow up so soon, but even doves perched have to fly away

And I also await to see you age gradually and develop bit by bit, day by day

Whenever I catch a peep of your delicate form as it is, and your pensive brown eye blinked open

My hopes soar fast, the gloomy clouds drop, and I know in my heart that the world is not all tenebrous and broken.


Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I’d stare too long
I’d probably break down and cry…

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Filed under Poetry