I’m calling you from the future
To let you know we made a mistake
And there’s a fog from the past
That’s giving me, giving me such a headache
And I’m back with a madness…
When I reevaluate myself
Where do I start to draw the line
Between the beginning and the change
Down my brain or with my spine?
When did my hands start shifting
To change pure gold into black rust
And lucidity became obstinate
Covering the mirrors with cold dust?
What place was my starting line
And when did I stumble and trip?
Did I get to the checkered finish
Or trampled by my opponents’ feet?
Why did my pen become cynical
And my heart run out of honest ink
How did my eyes fail to see the picture
When did my mind cease to think?
Have I truly changed for the better
Or did I just become a stranger shape
From fitting out of the cramped box
Because I wished for a little more space?
Did I drift away from my audience
As their applause started to sound the same
Was I meant for a moment in spotlights
Or was I meant to hide away my own name?
Were these lines on my face here before
Or the lines on my arms and thighs?
And the lines I once thought avant-garde
Are they now nothing but banal lies?
And why did my tongue get longer
But the accuracy in their wings clipped
Confusion may soar abound the sky
But my heavy body refuses to lift
Regrets and problems, I once could carry
Have broken my back and my will to be
The things I loved, reduced to wistful smiles
Memories once happy turned sorry
I wish I didn’t sulk and drain myself
Turn off the lights just to be haunted by ghosts
I fucking wish I didn’t have to be so insecure
To let emotions linger like a gracious host
Sometimes I think I really know myself
Until everyone says the complete opposite
And everything I do turns upsidedown
I become less uncertain of my purposeful visit
Just who was I? Or rather, just who am I now?
When I reassess, all I do is think and rethink again
It hurts my head, and I’ll just start to lose myself
Better to keep the present than to bury myself in past skins.
I got rage every day, on the inside
The only thing I do is sit around and kill time
I’m trying to blow out the pilot light
I’m trying to blow out the light
I’m just young enough to still believe, still believe
But young enough not to know what to believe in…