Tag Archives: stop

Underexposed

you know

how much

i adore you,

don’t you?

.

the way my

soft lungs pop

whenever you

see through me

.

a frail disillusion

when it bursts

cornflower eyes

pale significantly

.

and i just never

expect any of

your attention

to be mine, even

.

for just a second

for a transient hi

for a few infinities

i ask for your sign

.

every line on my

canvas, every fold

on my journal, every

fifth in your songs

.

odd dedications

and a sudden stop

i will never cease

making every wrong

.

though i could only

ever do so much

before it’s too late

and you find me out

.

but you will never

know how much

i simply adore you,

now won’t you?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Maybe If You Were A Little Nicer (And Whined A Lot Less)

Your clothes and your motions, they caught my eye
It’s no disguise what you want from me
Your humor, the bait for a trap so contrived
It’s no surprise what you want from me—
Your perfume scent, the lies I’ll admit
Just more evident what you want from me…

~*~

Save the best

For your worst boy

‘Cause he’s such a charm

And I’m just your

Filthy little chew toy

Making you feel annoyed

Caught right up in your molars

And I’m willing just to

Take this too far

So pick me up and

Pick me out, bleeding

Gums and toothpick wit

Make you smile but

Without grit, but I’ll never

Give you bullshit

Like you did

When you bleached your

Self-esteem, just to

Make it look like all of the

Soulless models posing

On your cheap TV

Hoping that come January

You’ll be playing all their games

Making out with bigger names

But if not, at least you still

Have me to blame

Kissing me up and down before

You cash in my suffering

‘Cause I was just your

High shortcoming

Next to your no-good dad

And being nothing

Why are you so scared of living

When you haven’t done

A single fucking thing?

But hey, don’t let me

Be the barrier

A naysayer without fervour

Because my ambitions

Also felt the weight

When you decided that

I was never worth the wait

And I’m still saving the worst

For your greatest fall

I’ve crossed the line

So taste my beck and call

And I’m saving myself

Screw your best boy

I’ll break in your plastic decoy

Even if I’ll be destroyed

‘Cause I can’t wait to stop

This pretentious jersey drama act

And when all’s said and done

And gone, well

I won’t be annoyed

No, I won’t be the one still

Waiting on to be your

Ken doll fucking chew toy.

~*~

The right recipe but the wrong target
You’ll never get what you want from me
Got no quarters in my pocket
There’s no change to play your game
Your jokes aren’t funny anymore to me
I’m not the same fool that I used to be…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Violator

My head is oversaturated

With pervasive thoughts of you

I want to trepanate myself

Just to wring out my heavy brain

Crack open a window at the

Side and ventilate out the smoke

Because the suffocating way

You breathe is driving me insane

.

My head is quite achromatic

With elusive thoughts of only you

I want to exsanguinate myself

Just to make my rabid heart stop

Shut the doors with deadbolts

And swallow the key so I’ll choke

Because the desensitising way

You laugh is fracturing me apart.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

unwanted

Watching the wings cut through the clouds
Watching the raindrops blinking red and white
Thinking of you back on the ground
There with a fire burning in your eyes
I only halfway apologized…

~*~

all you ever do

is fuck things up

with your grating noise

and bleed them dry

with your social razors

and yet you wonder

why you’re always

the last choice?

leave your duct taped

smiles all over the

peeling wall, before

you complain they don’t

know you at all

and force your feet

to dance like mad blowflies

decaying under heat

they won’t notice it’s a lie

a sour abandonment

burns the roof of your mouth

does it hurt not to care?

or to be cared about?

scratching at your arms

like that would take it away

quiet redness blossoms

but the scars look okay

so when you pull out

a cold disappearing act

rest assured they’re all tired

and glad you’ve stopped

because you’re insufferable

all you ever do is fuck things up

so, what do you say?

won’t you do everyone a

favour and please go away?

they won’t need you.

they never needed you.

they don’t fucking need you.

go away. go away. g o . a w a y .

~*~

So I’ll be sorry for now
That I couldn’t be around
There are things we have to do
That we can’t stand
Oh, I’ll be sorry for now
That I couldn’t be around
There will be a day that
You will understand…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

black mold

the clock strikes five, and then there was one.

bathroom floor. feels cold. unnaturally perfect. comforting. alone.

fingers pointing to every tile—faded pink against mouldy lavender

grimly counting the grimy walls peddling for some peace of mind

mindless indulgence, please don’t run out, pleaseplease…but it does

148 tiles. not mine. five sleeping bodies outside, blissfully unaware

five dreams i struggle not to rudely wake up with my silent screams

one. one face. hounding the very verge of my panicked wiles

melting me into an incomprehensible mess. maddening, blaming

the perpetrator of the crime. blue. perfect blue. haunting blue

angel blue with cumulous hair, have you ever seen golden clouds

before? sweet and dimpled, stifle back a sour laugh, i’m falling before

i realise that i can’t fly, oh shit oh god, i can’t fucking fly—!

pulled back. 148 tiles. small cube. no sky. hell below. my shivering hands

prayer. tired kind of mantra, no don’t want this anymore, please i

just want to be okay, please i just want it all to stop stop stop stoppp

numb but hurt, reduced to fine shreds on 28 of the 148 dirty tiles

five unconscious bodies, enviously euphorically ignorant, another storm

but not from outside, it’s too chilly for that, my eyes blur as they fog over but

better than sorry little pissbaby tears trickling, i have to face this now anyway

there’s no proper decorum for dismantled fools like me. only life. only life.

light flickers shut. 148 tiles hide beneath the shadows. five bodies toss fitfully. one.

the clock strikes six, and then there were none.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

pseudonym [6]

asterisks adamantly ruin all the promises you made

no second guesses happening, only baleful promenade

defiantly i hold the gaze you always seem to hastily drop

yesterday repeating back into now without any sudden stop

.

cross my mind like borderlines, even if you know

i’ll always be the first to last, even if it’s badly slow

zen of heart, next of kin, blood leaks from my eyes

epithilium elegance, nevermind all your liquid lies

kiss this kenophobia love and leave some ointment for the flies.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

voyeurism

conceal the past

wipe your filthy mouth

but your bridal dress

is quite sleeveless

and there’s too much

blood to staunch now—

now am i your perfect

silent witness?

.

the curtain protesting

against my hunched

body, you thought it was

just the midnight wind

billowing, but it was the

breaths i failed to hold

shallowly enraged and

almost fucking deranged

.

as the unspeakable acts are

fed to me live right before

my eyes, i want to throw up

i want to stain my melting mind

with a heavy dose of ammonia

and scream to god, and scream

to stop, let my oxygen burst into

flames from immense friction

.

disgusted beyond rationality

i can’t look away, my skin shudders

as i seem to hear yours being viciously

torn apart with a sickening rip and

a sickening crunch and a sickening

laugh—but why was it yours, shit

why the fuck was it yours?! eerie calm

ensues but i’m afraid to come out

.

from my flimsy hiding place—all before the lights

turn off and a shadow shifts in front of me…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

The Amputee

Wonder why I wake up living in a made-up
Dream of you and I, together there
Baby, wake the fuck up
Time for you to grow up
Don’t you know that life is rarely ever fair?

~*~

now i should cease

with my attempted wars

involuntary romance

could only get me so far

.

i’ll cross black holes

for the simple soul i adore

they won’t recognise

such a dark helpless horror

.

pulled back and forth

maybe i’m a piece of string

pirouette me overhead

perhaps you’ll hear me sing

.

it was never their fault

i’m aware i have fallen victim

to the hell of taking light

as the other is still rekindling

.

now i should stop myself

while control’s on my fingertips

an accidental devotion will

only make me lose all my limbs.

~*~

Ice cold, baby, I’m ice cold
You’re the only one who could make me fold
I wouldn’t ask you to take care of me
Oh, I wouldn’t ask you to take care of me…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Eighteen Years and Twenty-Somethings

Was picking up pieces when you
Gave me a reason to be
Falling down the middle
Crawling ’round a little
And I see that space in your head
And I want to fill it in…

~*~

I want to throw my irrational fears down my favourite set of stairs

And fade away the wounds that once defined my unsteady hands

I want the chance to breathe without polluting my lungs with ashen doubts

Drag me out of the skin I’ve beaten within until they can understand

.

So take the breakdowns that broke me up and replace the faulty intuition

The devil on my shoulder won’t compare to the angels in the television

Hang up on this week-long hangover and stop hanging my neck by the rafters

Still deluded by bad choices and old mementos and happy ever afters

.

The kids are not alright these days, and their clothes are stained with sad

But I didn’t think I know that I knew until I have it bleeding out and bent-up bad

So there’s a little cold weather, that’s gonna get a little better, maybe there’s a little sun

Maybe it just doesn’t exist in my head, maybe my moon will have someone

.

So maybe hope doesn’t belong to me just yet, and these noisy voices won’t shut up

Maybe I’m suffering from silent anxiety, shot through the ceiling, it won’t stop

But this time I won’t let it win, I’ll catch it by the tail and let myself spin

Spiraling all the way to space, I’ll crawl through constellations until I find that something.

~*~

I won’t lose my grip, don’t let go
No, I won’t lose my grip, don’t let go
I think I found that something
I think I’ll finally breathe right in
I think I feel that love I won’t give up
I think you soaked into my skin
So much has come from nothing…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Outbalanced

What are they saying, I’m not raw?
What the fuck you take me for?
All the sudden you hear what
I’ve said a hundred ways before?
I been pushed, I been trapped
Drug myself through hell and back…

~*~

The euphony and the madness

Calling out to the sane and the sadness

Conjuring up emotions I forgot I had

And when I have it, I have it bad

.

I don’t want to be down at all

But I don’t think can’t hear you now

As it doesn’t take much to drag me under

I want to be far away from forever

.

I just can’t figure it out, figure it out

I’m counting on things added by a zero

Pretending there’s a cause to be had

Pretending like I’ll be the next fucking hero

.

Because here I was, thinking I’m okay

But when the worst gets bad, I don’t want to stay

Here I am still hoping not to run out of space

But the chase got me tripping all in the wrong place

.

I’ll compose myself when time stops again

Black out all the memories with bitter novocaine

I’ll try to stay sober as I numb out the relapse

Keep the light off my eyes until this overthinking stops.

~*~

Sometimes, sometimes you don’t say goodbye once
You say goodbye over and over and over again
Over and over and over again…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry