Tag Archives: stop

May Is Not Enough For Me To Stop Bleeding

My wounds cry for you alone

I wish to hell I could stop them

But my body is too out of control

From the thought of your oxygen

As your voice broke over the sound

Of the love that tasted like the skies

All my questions effervesce in evergreen

Heart shaking at the thought you’ll arise

And when you spoke of good intentions

Breaking again from my transgressions

Sorry was enough for you but not for me

As my lost lips faltered at “I’d rather be…”

I can’t own the thousand nights you have

I can’t keep it alone under my key and lock

I can’t collide twice with your perfect world

And all I have is your melting flesh to hold

A million and one miles ain’t enough to bring me home

And my floral pink dreams tear up as I cry for you alone

To where you’re waiting, as your shattered voice stops breaking

Walking as I close my eyes and clot at the thought of never waking.

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metal & skin (xxxv.)

yeah, maybe

i will stop

when the

blades hits

my pulse.

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metal & skin (xxxii.)

i’ll stop after one

becomes

i’ll stop after three

becomes

i’ll stop after tonight

becomes

i’ll stop myself, maybe

becomes

i’ll stop after today, no

becomes

i’ll stop after tomorrow

becomes

i’ll stop, I swear, I promise

becomes

i can’t stop anymore, please

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Backdoor Unlocked

There’s a smile in her eyes

And a laugh in her knife

That wouldn’t reach me

When it’s a quarter past four

“Will you get the door?”

.

But I don’t wanna open it up

Afraid that the sirens won’t stop

And they’ll find me high on oxy

Sleepin’ on a bed of money

They’re knocking, screaming more

.

But it’s all I can do to slur and speak

The colour of her name makes me so weak

I didn’t know how I got so obsessed

They told me they’ll take care of the rest

And the doorbell rings a mocking score

.

I thought tonight was just a nightmare

And you gave me quite a damn scare

When you told me that your heart stopped

And you spit blood in your red cup

They won’t cease banging on my porch

.

But there’s a sweet smile in your eyes

And you hid behind your back a knife

When you said you couldn’t reach me

And it’s ten past five when you killed me

Hiding the weapon under my lifeless body

As you said “I’ll get the door for you, baby.”

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slipping back

Here’s your new blood
Transfusion took us all night
Tell us that you’re all right, no it’s not love
Though feels like fire inside of your veins

Burning right beneath the wrist
Begging for a razor’s kiss
To free it from your skin…

~*~

please don’t make me do it

i only wish to remain untainted

until the end of the year

my scars still hurt from time to time

and i know i could never wash them away

with the strongest dose of sorry

.

please don’t make me do it

i’ve been scot-free for almost a month

i want badly to believe i can make it through

but i close my eyes and see flashes

of a gleam and spurting blood

painting my bedroom walls with delirious laughter

.

please don’t make me do it

i promised them my life that i wouldn’t

but it’s so difficult to grasp onto fragile straws

and it’s so easy to lie about these malignant stains

splotching my pleading skin with colours

chromaticity of the worst kind

.

please don’t make me do it

the voices are starting anarchy in my head

and it’s giving me a painful headache

i don’t know which one will drive me insane first

and i don’t want to go back anymore

but i’m so tempted to give in—it’s all so easy

make it stop. make it stop. make it stop…

~*~

Lift the veil, it’s not medicine
And my heart fails, time and time again…

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dreamless

i stopped dreaming

such a long time ago

blankness in black

was all i ever saw

i stopped dreaming

when i became aware

if i’m lucky this time

i might have a nightmare.

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Pull The Plug

Am I better off dead, is it all in my head?
There’s a snake in my mind, spitting venom and lies
It runs through my veins, paralyzed by the pain
I’m at the end of my rope, as it’s placed around my throat…

~*~

Maybe this time I’ll wear these scars over my shirt

And tell everyone what it means to be hurt

Drag my broken legs around to chase their lost sun

And bite down on my own tactless tongue

Maybe this time I will stop swearing in wasted sins

The serpent in my neck, behead the prince

Drown past crosses, and tiptoe around rosary beads

A faith to tie over my wrists is what I need

Maybe this time I shall cease searching for my aorta

And don’t believe in entropy, even for an iota

Demolish this satirical pulse, retire the beat and kill

Maybe, just maybe, this time…I wouldn’t heal.

~*~

Wake me up, I’m seconds from the end
I’m dying to feel, I’ve been dying to live
Will somebody give me a sign, so I know I’m alive?
It’s time to wake me up, or pull the plug
Pull the plug! Somebody wake me up!

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Ocean Promenades and Transatlantic Daydreams

You’ve gone and sewn me to this bed
The taste of you and me
Will never leave my lips again
Under the blinding rain
I wanna hold your hand so tight
I’m gonna break my wrist
And when the vultures sing tonight
I’m gonna join right in…

~*~

Between you and me

There’s no distance in the middle

The cold war has restarted

So let’s try to be civil

A legal murder;

That’s what you really are

With a smile that can save the

World all on its own

I grit my teeth because that’s

All I can do to just keep holding on

The smoke collides in the sky

Like decanted white wine in a movie

But no one is watching

And nobody’s ending is to die

The walls of this house are paper thin

But so is my pallid skin

I wonder if stars choose to cling to my eyes

And where all their lies begin

I need someone to keep me from

Swallowing a bottle of pills amassed

As I kept the orange lid on

And chewed on the painted glass

You didn’t even try to stop me

From counting days off my chipped nails

And burying my reflection

Your finger is falling off the scale

I fractured my funny bone

As you dragged my ankles in the rain

Maybe I’ve had known my synthetic home

Instead all I have is a lipstick stain

My tears are a suicide silence

Of those evenings I spent swearing that I’ll

Call your paradise up in the morning

Even if it might take me a while

I’d count the salt of the earth

And turn it into sugar on your tongue

I may be out of bounds

But I wasn’t the thief who sold your sun

So say it’s all a criminal act

These handcuffs are killing my wrists

Digging into my scar tissues

As scarred as your haunting lips

The tactless tactics taken

Your elegant eloquences forsaken

Tortured clocks tick the past

It wasn’t meant to last

Another song of bruised dreams

I wanna hold your hand so fucking tight

Your bones will feel my veins scream

And my knuckles will bleed out into the night

Maybe another vodka shot

Will change things, or make it worse

As I threw a boulder on your bedroom window

To tell you I won’t be late for your hearse

It’s a screwed-up mentality

Like kissing a glock gun before I sleep

To trade tranquility for a stranger

And voluntarily fall inside his oceans deep

But just between you and me

I’m already drenched away and sickly

And there’s no place I’d rather drown myself in

Than your empty sea.

~*~

I’ll sing along, cause I don’t know any other song
I’ll sing along, but I’m barely hanging on
No, I’m barely hanging on, by the time you’re hearing this
I’ll already be gone; and now there’s nothing to do
But tear my voice apart…

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give (up)

i’m tired

of the way

i have to

force myself

to live

(i just want

to hang

out my pulse

and stop)

.

i don’t know

just how

much i

have left

to give

(but i know

it’s not

going to be

enough).

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Prescriptions

My heart pumps this blood rush still, my legs numb
My sweat drips down my face, clears my vision
I battle myself, I battle…keep my hands from my throat
For this silence, I battle myself, I battle…

~*~

The simple logistics

Interfering with sense

Introduced in interims

Of trivialities dense

So lend me another idea

Of a wasted nostalgia

I’ll keep it so dearly

Filed under dementia

Stop my phantom hand

From impulsive emotion

Sedate me some more

In prescribed medication

The pills muffle pain

As well as thinking new

A choice without the other

I’ll have to make do.

~*~

Swallow down now whole, bitter pill unfolds
I lose my surroundings and fake that I’ve gained hope
This bitter pill he swallows takes the tension…

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