Tag Archives: stop

Outbalanced

What are they saying, I’m not raw?
What the fuck you take me for?
All the sudden you hear what
I’ve said a hundred ways before?
I been pushed, I been trapped
Drug myself through hell and back…

~*~

The euphony and the madness

Calling out to the sane and the sadness

Conjuring up emotions I forgot I had

And when I have it, I have it bad

.

I don’t want to be down at all

But I don’t think can’t hear you now

As it doesn’t take much to drag me under

I want to be far away from forever

.

I just can’t figure it out, figure it out

I’m counting on things added by a zero

Pretending there’s a cause to be had

Pretending like I’ll be the next fucking hero

.

Because here I was, thinking I’m okay

But when the worst gets bad, I don’t want to stay

Here I am still hoping not to run out of space

But the chase got me tripping all in the wrong place

.

I’ll compose myself when time stops again

Black out all the memories with bitter novocaine

I’ll try to stay sober as I numb out the relapse

Keep the light off my eyes until this overthinking stops.

~*~

Sometimes, sometimes you don’t say goodbye once
You say goodbye over and over and over again
Over and over and over again…

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third time’s the charm (when you’re lying to yourself)

finished finished finished

did my unfulfilling day’s work

afternoon reduced to chains and shackles

dragged like fingernails into the dirt

sweating sweating sweating

baseball caps melting in diligence

and left to suffer insufferably

under the severe heat and silence

aching aching aching

temples snap like rubber bands

not in the mood for smiling

i wish my headache would understand

.

static static static

music reduced to scatters

dragging deluded spirits further

into abyssal underwater

pacing pacing pacing

the zebra crossing inch by inch

hoping that screeching tires

would run me over like roadkill

waiting waiting waiting

for the tears that never come

frustrated and sedated

feeling betrayed by the sun

.

tired tired tired

to the very frayed nerves

a day’s worth ticking down the clock

each hour a penitence served

flinching flinching flinching

at the blood that whispers taunts

set me free and let me be

let sharp edges be your miscreant

broken broken broken

by the stress that’s making out

with barbarous depression

and violent-red lies heading south

stop it stop it stop it

but i’m too numb to even protest

i’ll just fall back into a devoid oblivion

and let my weakness take care of the rest.

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Broadcasting Live From The Seatbelt

Come one, come all, you’re just in time
To witness my first breakdown
‘Cause there’s a mile gone
For every minute passed
When I’m stuck in this town…

~*~

For every minute I count at the tip of my jaded palm

Makes me believe that I can actually give a damn

Third time’s the charm, but the thirtieth’s just tiring

I’ll save my breath for the holidays I won’t be taking

.

Change the radio station when nothing good’s ever on

Witness as I crash my car high on the beat of a breakdown

Just to make the news, just ‘cause I’m fucking bored

At least something exciting happened in this deadbeat town

.

But I don’t need a doctor, and I don’t need more pills

I’m not crazy, just feeling sorry that I don’t know what to feel

Passed out from the traffic fumes, stuck in my head for hours

Wishing I had better hair, wishing I had superpowers

.

And I’m not coming clean, what else is the reason now?

Dreams don’t come for free, especially not in this late hour

My stereo’s playing the greatest hits, I’m so sick of hearing it

I’d drink beer and smoke a drag, but I don’t know when to quit

.

For every second and mile that I waste, wasted off these foolish promises

Like my ragged backseat holster and stained carpet, my existence is a mess

And this just in, the latest breaking news is that I’m already fucking breaking

But I’ll step on the brakes until it stops, until I don’t know which road I’m taking.

~*~

So go on and lock me up, you better throw away that key
Before I find out where you broadcast from
Because your playlist is killing me
I’ll change that station, light it up like the 4th of July
It’s me, I’m caller fifteen, time to play my last request…

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for the future hearts

Shake until we move the floor
What are we waiting for? Let’s go
I’m tired of being ordinary
Don’t care if there’s people staring
I’ll rely on your strength to carry me on…

~*~

possibilities

on my side

complexities

once defied

.

jumping off

the rooftop

i’ll fly before

i can ever stop

.

hiding no more

navigating this

communication

into better places

.

move again before

i give in, taking the

long way…i promise

to tomorrow’s today.

~*~

I’m not invisible like you
Next time things get a little messed up
I’ll shine, but I’ll never be see-through
I’m fine just trying to wake the rest up…

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May Is Not Enough For Me To Stop Bleeding

And as the sun went down, we ended up on the ground
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound, and as we own this night
I put your body to the test with mine
This love was out of control, 3-2-1 where did it go?

~*~

My wounds cry for you alone

I wish to hell I could stop them

But my body is too out of control

From the thought of your oxygen

As your voice broke over the sound

Of the love that tasted like the skies

All my questions effervesce in evergreen

Heart shaking at the thought you’ll arise

And when you spoke of good intentions

Breaking again from my transgressions

Sorry was enough for you but not for me

As my lost lips faltered at “I’d rather be…”

I can’t own the thousand nights you have

I can’t keep it alone under my key and lock

I can’t collide twice with your perfect world

And all I have is your melting flesh to hold

A million and one miles ain’t enough to bring me home

And my floral pink dreams tear up as I cry for you alone

To where you’re waiting, as your shattered voice stops breaking

Walking as I close my eyes and clot at the thought of never waking.

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metal & skin (xxxv.)

yeah, maybe

i will stop

when the

blades hits

my pulse.

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metal & skin (xxxii.)

i’ll stop after one

becomes

i’ll stop after three

becomes

i’ll stop after tonight

becomes

i’ll stop myself, maybe

becomes

i’ll stop after today, no

becomes

i’ll stop after tomorrow

becomes

i’ll stop, I swear, I promise

becomes

i can’t stop anymore, please

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Backdoor Unlocked

She got her head in the dirt
And her neck in my hands
She won’t live too long with a mind like that
I can’t hang every day, baby, I’ve got plans, oh woah
I won’t waste her time with a life like that…

~*~

There’s a smile in her eyes

And a laugh in her knife

That wouldn’t reach me

When it’s a quarter past four

“Will you get the door?”

.

But I don’t wanna open it up

Afraid that the sirens won’t stop

And they’ll find me high on oxy

Sleepin’ on a bed of money

They’re knocking, screaming more

.

But it’s all I can do to slur and speak

The colour of her name makes me so weak

I didn’t know how I got so obsessed

They told me they’ll take care of the rest

And the doorbell rings a mocking score

.

I thought tonight was just a nightmare

And you gave me quite a damn scare

When you told me that your heart stopped

And you spit blood in your red cup

They won’t cease banging on my porch

.

But there’s a sweet smile in your eyes

And you hid behind your back a knife

When you said you couldn’t reach me

And it’s ten past five when you killed me

Hiding the weapon under my lifeless body

As you said “I’ll get the door for you, baby.”

~*~

Keep your hands to yourself
Don’t put ’em on someone else’s life
Stay right there, right there
Take advice from yourself
If the energy’s dead, baby, let things die
I don’t care, oh no…

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slipping back

Here’s your new blood
Transfusion took us all night
Tell us that you’re all right, no it’s not love
Though feels like fire inside of your veins

Burning right beneath the wrist
Begging for a razor’s kiss
To free it from your skin…

~*~

please don’t make me do it

i only wish to remain untainted

until the end of the year

my scars still hurt from time to time

and i know i could never wash them away

with the strongest dose of sorry

.

please don’t make me do it

i’ve been scot-free for almost a month

i want badly to believe i can make it through

but i close my eyes and see flashes

of a gleam and spurting blood

painting my bedroom walls with delirious laughter

.

please don’t make me do it

i promised them my life that i wouldn’t

but it’s so difficult to grasp onto fragile straws

and it’s so easy to lie about these malignant stains

splotching my pleading skin with colours

chromaticity of the worst kind

.

please don’t make me do it

the voices are starting anarchy in my head

and it’s giving me a painful headache

i don’t know which one will drive me insane first

and i don’t want to go back anymore

but i’m so tempted to give in—it’s all so easy

make it stop. make it stop. make it stop…

~*~

Lift the veil, it’s not medicine
And my heart fails, time and time again…

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dreamless

i stopped dreaming

such a long time ago

blankness in black

was all i ever saw

i stopped dreaming

when i became aware

if i’m lucky this time

i might have a nightmare.

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