afterwords

rain and quiet conversations

with the shadow of a stranger

warmth of coffee, cold of night

mishaps fleet, transient danger

stresses, messes, second guesses

caught in breezes, puzzle pieces

chicken soup spilled on the soul

artworks of silver and charcoal

daylight saving, wasting evenings

under trees and benches, petrichor

desolation wrapped around blue bones

waiting for the time when it feels like home.

third time’s the charm (when you’re lying to yourself)

finished finished finished

did my unfulfilling day’s work

afternoon reduced to chains and shackles

dragged like fingernails into the dirt

sweating sweating sweating

baseball caps melting in diligence

and left to suffer insufferably

under the severe heat and silence

aching aching aching

temples snap like rubber bands

not in the mood for smiling

i wish my headache would understand

.

static static static

music reduced to scatters

dragging deluded spirits further

into abyssal underwater

pacing pacing pacing

the zebra crossing inch by inch

hoping that screeching tires

would run me over like roadkill

waiting waiting waiting

for the tears that never come

frustrated and sedated

feeling betrayed by the sun

.

tired tired tired

to the very frayed nerves

a day’s worth ticking down the clock

each hour a penitence served

flinching flinching flinching

at the blood that whispers taunts

set me free and let me be

let sharp edges be your miscreant

broken broken broken

by the stress that’s making out

with barbarous depression

and violent-red lies heading south

stop it stop it stop it

but i’m too numb to even protest

i’ll just fall back into a devoid oblivion

and let my weakness take care of the rest.

stress

breathe easy;

the worst

has passed

just stick it out

maybe this

time you’ll last.

Oh, So Careless

So I’ll slit my throat, so I’ll bleed the truth
Cut out my tongue so I speak no excuse
There’s enough trash in this blood to pollute you
And I’m just a fuck, hate me, hate me, hate me…

~*~

Careless, so careless

Hapless I with mine words

Amputated my tongue

To save the hearts I hurled

This is a consequence

That hurts to the very bone

I’ve learned to endure it

I might well be carved stone

Why haven’t I wavered?

Every bite spars a new pain

If rage was an operation

None of my limbs’ll remain

Reduced to a veiny mess

You bled me out, I’ll confess

Sharp blades with stress

I am careless, oh so careless…

~*~

I’ve been falling apart
Self-destructive at heart
It’s okay, it’s okay if you hate me
I’ve been living my death
Over and over again
It’s okay, it’s okay if you hate me
‘Cause I hate me…

Familiar Nescience

You know I’m not alright
This is where I draw the line
I tried to run, I tried to hide
But I’m still badly broken…

~*~

Don’t look at me

I’m a ghastly sight

Shattered snowglobe

I want to take plight

With drivelling minds

And chest twinges

With pens and skins

And faux pas fringes

Sewing cute smiles

Onto my crying wrists

But all fancies aside

Ignorance is bliss

Scissors my friends

My only company

Against this planet

Quite rudimentary

Within tidal waves

Of suffocating crowds

I’m already capsizing

But I think I’ll drown

Ushering creatures

Under shag carpets

Tearing wallpapers

A tornado playset

Chasing, counting

Fireflies and zeroes

Waiting, wrecking

Little hearts and heroes

You call me epithets

Where’s the lie? Where?

Two cups of chemicals

How? How’d I live there?

I’m a blubbering mess

My insides all churned

I’d love to convalesce

But also to never return

I feel like a spectral beast

Abhorred, spited, feared

I reckon monsters like me

Should simply disappear.

~*~

You know you swept me off my feet
And now I’m stuck beneath
The bridge you burned on top of me
And I’m so badly broken…