Tag Archives: target

20.5 – arrow (pt. 1)

i.) target

the guilt absolves itself at the edge of my paranoia,

screaming and clawing up my throat, madly pleading

“you’ve killed him! oh god, what have you done?!”

crashing towards a trainwreck of panic, and yet

there’s only one casualty to be found, fitfully tossing

and churning on their bed of needles, as they dreamt

about a nightmare where they weren’t a murderer—

when i didn’t make myself out to be nothing but a murderer.

your messages bore no resemblance to you; babbling

and illegible, desperately trying to lodge itself in the nooks

of my broken ribs, searching for the bullseye in a heart

that was never there. i swear, i only wanted a little bit

of control, but i got more than I bargained for—

and now for all i know you might be done for, all because

i thought i could manipulate the way that you think…

so now, i’ll pray to a god that i haven’t believed in for years,

and hope against hope that my apologies will be

enough to keep you alive. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. what have i done?

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More or Less

Tell me that you’re done looking for love
‘Cause your heart can’t take it
You say you’re better off alone

I say you need somebody new
It’s killing me to be this close
I’m right here in front of you…

~*~

I could tell, it’s more than just another pang

Another star filling up your empty universe

It’s more than the transient flicker of a firefly

Another synaptic beat in your dancing blood

.

If it’s worth the risk, then just tell me please

Swallow a mouthful of nails for a single kiss

As the idle bitter lullabies disturbed my sleep

And it’s freaking me out, think I’m in too deep

.

Because it’s more than just another oblique lie

Another dark cigarette burn marking your skin

It’s more than just another targeted hit and miss

And you know how it goes, we’re more than this.

~*~

I wanna be more than this, oh
I got it bad for you
I’m thinking you’re worth the risk, so
Tell me what I gotta do
We could stay high, we could lay low
I would do anything but let go…

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open season

i have never told you a single thing

because i do not want you involved

i do not want you to get in the way

of such trainwreck i have devolved

if it was better for me, i would bite

they all say it’s what’s fucking right

but i know there’s not a damn point

there’s only cliche bullshit to anoint

of medication and invasive therapy

that leaves no personal room for me

and i do not want paid-for sympathy

nor will i waste my time for insanity

six years i’ve been dealing out alone

and i’m still alive right now, aren’t i?

i’ve done everything to keep it all in

fucked in the head with fucking lies

but i’m fighting back, broke apology

i cut my wrists, but never too deeply

i repress depression, relapse, release

i’ve people to pull me out of the seas

i still hope, i still dream, and i’ll love

i’m still disgustingly human by blood

i am damaged, but that does not mean

that i’m not trying to change anything

so please just stay away from this mess

and honestly, this is just all for the best

say it’s help my mind need endures, but

you just might end up making me worse.

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Misdiagnosis

Stop targeting

My central nervous

System, you’re

Tearing apart my gut

I need a dose

Of your own medicine

An injection, stat

You’re the raged disease

That’s infecting me

Terminally, I’m quite sure

But is it harmless

To assume that you’ll also

Be the only cure?

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In the Defence of the Liar with No Fault

I know you hate me , I can see through your eyes
I feel the same way, you had the guts to take me by surprise
Maybe I should call it quits, I know you like to see me like this
I rot inside to fight the fight, you know I can’t win…

~*~

INJECT THE VENOM

I will lie, lie, lie

Smile through my lying little chemical teeth

So bite, bite, bite

And if you die, don’t blame me for being toxic.

~*~

LIKE THE TEETH OF A SHARK

You’re all sad talk and no snarl

I’d get caught between your pointing fingernails

Well fuck me for declaring war

Against someone who’s up for an imminent fail.

~*~

DESPERATE MINDS MEAN DESPERATE MEASURES

We’re playing a game of textbook blame

Spin the bottle, flip a coin, bait my name

All chances and hunches and cold guesses

‘Til you’re reduced to wallow in sorry messes.

~*~

IF THE DOLLAR IS RIGHT

Don’t wake me up, I’ll stay sober without your hate

It’s disgusting and abrasive, the way you’re unmade

By trembling little boys and big guns under your chin

But I’ll shut up, pull the trigger, and choke on my gin.

~*~

YOU’RE A LOADED GUN

I’m just a fucking jerk, so loathe me again

I’m just an easy target, so blast off my brain

I’m just a tactless bitch, so keep on crying

I’m just another fuck, so hate me for hating.

~*~

Maybe I should cut my wrists
You know I’ve never been fucked like this
You’ve ripped my heart apart
You know who you are
You’re a godamn liar, you’re a goddamn liar
I don’t want to care, like I want to care…

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Bullseye

if i were

to pick a

personal target

it would be

someone

i wouldn’t regret.

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Party Games

A fun old party for the child

Who loves to be unruly, wild

Noose streamers strewn all

Hats to impale, and roll call

.

So let’s start, musical chairs

Pull mine out, say it’s all fair

How about blind man’s bluff?

Keep me stumbling, ha, laugh

.

Pin the blame on the donkey

And make an ass out of me

Spin me around and around

You’re good at that anyhow

.

But don’t you keep that pout

Come on, the party’s hot led!

Whack me like I’m the piñata

Bash bats on my paper head

.

Spin the bottle next, nice one

Spill the beans, make kids run

Bottle, bottle, who’s the worst?

It always points along my girth

.

Want cheaper entertainment?

You hire me to be your clown

Throwing shit pies in my face

Attempting to make me frown

.

I wipe the last of seltzer water

Oh, are the party games over?

All the humiliation over with?

It’s time for the candy shower!

.

And when the cards are read

Plastic plates then prepared

Ice cream makes teeth ache

Here it comes, the final break

.

Presents unwrapped in one take

It’s your party, your childish sulk

But I’ve got arsenic in your cake

So go and blow the candles out.

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