Tag Archives: toxic

Fall From Grace

pure disgust is felt

on the frayed ribbons

around your chest

you call your sanctity

.

as if it’s quite derivative

of a decried angel’s cut—

the pierrot’s sole pathway

to your own humanity

.

but it’s just vapour;

smoke and hallucinogens

lies dribbling from the

sludge of your brain,

.

crawling away in a

toxic kind of temporal

streak, an indictment

of classic chloride pain

.

oh, she’s malevolent

such brutality must be

a sanitarium propaganda,

just covered in someone

.

else’s later stages of rapid

cryptic dementia—pardon me,

but you’re still a stagnant

priestess…aren’t you?

.

we have ancient shrines built

over your grave, and waxen

wings, and the fruit that bore

no harm; as if that fake religion

.

is easily digestible—but our

disgust will constrict, just as

yours ties the final knot on the

noose wrapped around your jaw—

.

this is not your vestal sanctuary.

we are not your godless paradise.

autonomy is simply the crowning eden

you shall soon gamble away to lose.

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pseudonym [9]

CRY, CRIER

soak my tea in tears

maybe salty or bitter

or tasteless flavours.

INTERSPERSE

this old soul, it wanes

fading, my transparent veins

farewell to my pains.

ZIGZAGS

darling, we’ll dance now

find your song in slow tempo

i’ll adore you so.

ESCALATOR

staring, the staircase

malls and dollar stores closing

rush, trip, battered face.

KICK ME DOWN

talk me so toxic

lost a couple of loose teeth

talk me i’m so sick.

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Devotion Cuts

You carved out walkways in my brain

With a blunt-edged trowel—laboriously

Inch by inch by quiet inch until I felt like

I was losing my concrete mind completely

.

Only then did you decide to simply jump in

And submerge yourself neck-deep right into

All my secrets and have a taste, or two, or ten

Clinging like a dead bedbug on my worn sheets

.

But when I tried to shake you off, when

I shuddered enough to start earthquakes

Just to make you finally lose your iron grip

When I thought I could sleep soundly again

.

You came crawling back, wings crushed

Eyes blacked out, sharp pincers sheathed

Asking for all of our better times long-gone

My dried blood still on your pleading smile

.

And the sad thing is that I’m almost tempted

To allow you to overcomplicate things again

To let these faded phantom itches bother me

Enough to reopen healed scabs with dirty nails

.

But maybe I only really missed always feeling so bad

And I don’t have to fucking miss anything else

Because when you destroyed my heart for your own sake

I made damn well sure never to return yours.

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Catastrophic Demarcation

Go wreck the clean air for me

And replant some darker green

The kind that runs the world

The one you sought to destroy

With cigarette spewing factories

And cold corporate handshakes

And mass hysteria ignorance

.

Go and poison my faucet drip

With more than bitter chlorination

And occasional sediments of rust

The kind that snakes highly-resistant

Prions right into my better sense

And chokes away all my optic nerves

Into the brink of utter blindness

.

Let me taste all our past and future mistakes

And pay for humanity’s most heinous crimes

For we all deserve imminent hell, don’t we now?

The kind that boils civilisation down to ashes

And piles up bleached bones for the scavengers

Cause if you heed requests from dying machines

Their toxic wasteland will be all that’s left of us.

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Rebound

Too much animosity
Nobody does it better than the enemy
A hope like yours won’t help me now
You can do your worst to me
At the end of the day, that’s what you do best…

~*~

Call me only when your mind is fucked

Say “I love you” and I won’t say it back

Keep your hands to yourself, take it slow

Your orphan eyes won’t be my deathblow

.

Call me only when your eyes are red as day

Still high from crying, smoke the pain away

Knock on my door for three weeks straight

Be a sidewalk stray, love, know I won’t wait

.

Call me only when you need someone else

To be your plastic pleasure, I wish you well

Kill yourself drunk to crave yourself sober

I’ll only really be here to tell you it’s all over.

~*~

I wasn’t enough
You bled me dry, which way is up?
Oh, you’re a lie, and fake
I hope the truth is not too late
That’s what you do best!

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You Get Me So High (All The Time)

You sat in front of me tensely; shaky hands, quivering lips, splintered voice, I almost believed you for a second

I’m not looking for an apology. I’m not looking for love. I’m just looking out for myself

Your hair tangled like barbed wires, dirty fingernails agitatedly running through it in an attempt to search for an answer—why? Why not?

I’ve heard the same dialogue before. It tastes the exact same way it did when I woke up this morning and felt only cold bedsheets and bitter advil on my tongue, spit it out

Betrayal. Is that what you called it? Is that how badly you think of me? Dirty traitor. Is that what I am?

The viselike grip on my throat slowly tightens, leaving just enough space for a final dignified gasp. The wooden chair creaks an inch

But you kicked it over. Swinging like autumn leaves, a bit dramatic. I did it all for you. Surely you must have. Let’s see them figure you out without a crumpled note to tell them why

Because I honestly don’t know either, dear. Whiskey and aftershave makes me feel dizzy and I can’t think clearly. Have to t h r o w – u p

Bruises line the bathroom wall and I stumble over your slippery tears. Were you listening behind the door, when I was crying my face out? Yes. Quite wet. A quick shower doesn’t sound so bad. Might get rid of all the nasty stains on my shirt

Fucking crazy bastard, you spitefully whisper on the other side of the fogged-up glass, and I can’t help but smile back, diamond girl

Isn’t that why you fell for me?

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ativan

a mouthful of chalk,

mixed with lead and ashes

as the room spins a record

only my dazed eyes could hear

.

a mouthful of chalk,

mixed with your toxic words

my migraine plays me a film

of my self-destructive apathy.

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Filed under Poetry

I’m Not Mad, Just Going Mad

It’s a shame you can’t make out
That voice, the voice of hope
I could be wrong but he’s not worth it
But in his mind we are worthless
Don’t get me started
It breaks my heart and
I can tell that you are lying
With the way you’re saying…

~*~

It’s back to the same old bullshit routine again

You greet me with blood on your teeth and when

I gritted mine back into a smile without sin

You suddenly decided that you were the victim

.

Now I’m at a loss, my fingers are trembling

Don’t get me started on the way you broke it

I’m stuck in quicksand, so come pull me out then

Don’t just stand there, don’t just angrily weep

.

Because I did you dirty, I made you go crazy

There’s ice in my veins and the snowfall is filthy

“Hey, just checking in, how have you been?

Great? Oh well, that’s fine, but what about me?”

.

Finally, the silence shoots me dead in the eye

As we both lock our triggers and forcefully lie

Ignoring the demons screaming in our heads

Of “What happened? Why can’t you just bury the dead?”

.

So let’s staunch out the wounds and stitch up the ribbons

We can’t return the past, so let’s just return the weapons

So let’s just call it off now and call it off another year

Maybe next time around, you’ll forget that I was ever here.

~*~

Can you say liar? (It’s killing me)
Can you say liar? (And I believe)
This looks like murder
You bring out a livid side of me, I guess…
Can you say liar? (It’s killing me)
Can you say liar? (And I believe…)

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Contaminated Chemistry

Tungsten eyes will wage a futile war

With hearts so big and minds so small

They saw it coming, but what’s the problem?

You speak of fear and love, but what until then—?

.

Crying wolf won’t keep your hands alive

It’s just another bend, it’s just another night

Giving up is contagious, and I’ll just take the cue

I’m done with being finished, what about you?

.

But the edge of my seat is more comfortable than ever

And the tip of your blade won’t hold me forever

Let’s call a truce before one ends up bleeding in their bed

So let’s call a truce before the winner ends up defeated.

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Her Hypodermic Heart

I’m fading away off some kind of drug
Maybe it’s lust, maybe it’s love
I know I said I’d straighten out a week ago
I’m feeling though, about to reach my peak, you know
The city’s got me falling off
I’m fading away, I’m losing my head…

~*~

She’s the girl of my dreams

But her nightmares come cheap

She’s got Xans for a goodnight kiss

And fictional love for my lifeline

Then I was told to stay the fuck away

But baby, my head lies all the time

.

If you’re in a rush, then stop running

You’re going too fast, the stopwatch tickin’

Mending my bones, but I’m still broken

Sayin’ I adore you when the ocean gets you

Blue and cold all the way to your mouth

Need another shot to keep it right, she knew

.

But the train stations stopped working

And I’m the only passenger left in red lights

Passing by the metro, keep that devil mania

It’s getting messy, and she’s gonna get me

Delete me from her fingers like I wasn’t there yet

Confuse my addictions as if I need more, yeah

.

Hit me twice and hit me hard, let me feel that smoke

Break me down and break me fast, let me feel my heart choke

Crash my central nervous system and keep the anxiety real

I’ve got some time to fuck around, so won’t you let me feel?

‘Cause she’s always been a sweet voice at the back of my mind

But only whenever I close my eyes and let the pills rewind.

~*~

‘Cause you’ve been steady
Crawling on your knees again
You need a friend
And I’ve been on the pills again
Baby’s only twenty-three
Dancing under lights since she was seventeen
Her brain’s flooded with ketamine…

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