Tag Archives: trash

rusty mailbox

you’ve got that

american blue in the very pits

of your iris,

and sometimes it feels

almost electric

but i know i’ll just end up

with a black eye if i

keep on staring

i’m not usually this brand of rude

but i can’t help it

if i’m cliché suckered

by that beach-at-early-gentle-dusk

kind of blond,

figure i could still taste

sea salt in my throat if i inhaled

hard enough

maybe you’re afloat

waiting for

a false breakwater romance

drowning siren song

with a hateful kinda endearment

and speaking of

you hate sports and my visual arts

but you like virtuous

green heroes

and staying up for 38 hours

and i like monochrome serial shows

and the number of

sweets i could still spell out

if i threw your full name

in an anagram machine and let it

run wild, here’s one:

cotton candy

maybe that’s no fun for you

don’t worry, it’s no fun

for me either

but it’s always fun to dream a bit

afternoon stargazing

spitting grey fur

overthinking about it some more

buttercup, that’s not one

but i quite like it pinned on your hair

if you won’t mind

i don’t live near a garden

but we could always find some way

or another

to quote a reference

for something

you probably don’t listen to—or do you?—

i’m never gonna see it

all in bloom

because now

it’s almost late spring

(summer ’round my axis)

and not fantasy football season

and i think i love you

all the same

so maybe i’ll just stretch

out my stiff spine

write a generic letter with no

return address

and turn the unplugged television on

just to see how it all

pans out.

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7:38 AM 🔆


Just a quick rainy Saturday morning cover of She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. There’s a lot of background noise from outside the streets as this once-tranquil town slowly rouses back to its usual bustling state, and I had only been awake for probably around an hour thirty then and my dumb brain was still stumbling through a rather sleepy daze—that’s why my voice isn’t in the best condition (but tbh when is it ever lmao :^/) and I look like a wretched bleary-eyed hag and there’s quite a bit of mistakes here and there, but eh, that’s alright. I’m honestly just cosying up a bit (with this soft little chonky baby i call my artemis, i love her sm ahh <3) and trying to warm myself up before the day fully goes underway to fuck me over once more. God morgon, alla~

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little spirals (06.05.20)

life’s been kinda fucked. anxiety and depressive episodes have been really bad. so many big and sudden changes happening both in and out of my personal perspective that i’m finding maybe just a bit hard to cope with. incessantly worrying over certain things and people even though it’s rather pointless to do so but i can’t help it all the same. mild vapid distractions don’t seem to be working anymore and i literally can’t do anything normal nor mindless without overpowering guilt having a big go at me, yelling that i shouldn’t be doing it at all because god damn it, life can’t go on right now—not with everything else that’s going on at the moment, you inconsiderate selfish cunt. 2020 just somehow keeps stretching into another insane bout of unwanted changes and numbing limbo and miserable infinity and at this point, it’s honestly quite reasonable to wonder if it’s still even worth it to keep hanging around. if not, then perhaps the total surrender could be justified if there’s nothing really left to look forward to out there anymore. huh. some rotten food for thought. i wanna fucking throw up. or just stay off the internet for a while. anyway, take care and three cheers for worsening mental instability 🥂

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Some More Bits and Bobs of Blithering About

Hullo hullo, haven’t been here on a while. Just checking in for a bit. It’s not that I haven’t been writing or anything (although I admittedly haven’t been writing as much), it’s just that I’ve honestly gotten a bit too lazy to take on the general upkeep of this blog—as well as being quite busy with getting into a few self-indulgent and overly-ambitious projects, relentless video game marathons (Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap, Earthbound, and Animal Crossing, I’m looking at y’all), other asinine social platforms, and even some occasional babysitting and food-making side quests (just yesterday I got begrudgingly roped into making some pastillas by my younger sister -.-) whenever my family do so fancies.

this is why she’s one of my favourite villagers nsjsksk

But hey, let’s talk a bit shop for now while I’m at it anyway, starting with boring art stuff. Apart from the usual ugly sketches and random fanart, there’s this one watercolour painting I’m currently working that’s on a 9×12 paper (which is staggering for me, as I’ve previously only ever worked on paintings a quarter of that size and it’s intimidating as hell) and is fully illustrated and fully coloured; five characters, two animals, and an entire-ass detailed forestry background completely included. I’ve never done anything of this scale before so I a lot of this is quite new and rather scary to me, but the idea and designs have been quietly brewing in my head for well over a year now and I reckoned that now I’ve got enough time and skill in me to finally push through with it. This is, for the most part, a personal passion project dedicated to some people that I really love and admire—I just hope they’ll like it whenever they get the chance to see it. I’ve been a little over four days since I started this artwork, and so far I’ve done the sketch, drawn the lineart, and put down the initial flat colours. I’m trying to work on it as much as I can, but my poor backside and spine could only take so much sitting and man, these summer afternoons are just absolutely fucking merciless. I simply cannot function with my entire body feeling like it’s a dead pig on a spit being slowly spun above some roaring flames, no matter how many litres of iced coffee I chug down. :c But hey, here’s the very sketchy version of said artwork, just as a tiny sneak peek:

The other project I’m working on is filling up a whole journal, which sounds like nothing particularly new, but this one is a bit different because it’s going to be more or less thematic, and every write-up will come with its own super sketchy, probably angsty illustration on the other page. Nothing too fancy really, just whatever I could draw without having to toil over multiple detailed sketches and my worst enemy Mr. Obsessive Perfectionism. Perhaps I’ll post some finished pages of it later on. I’ll also be using one of my older brother’s hella expensive fountain pens (think,, 4k+, man’s got some minted ink let me tell you) that I nicked—eherm, “borrowed”—for it, because certain reasons. To further explain, I pretty much only embarked on this project because my mother bought me a new journal after my previous one finally ran out, and well, I think I’ll let these images speak for themselves:

Music learning has been a bit same-old painful frustrating slowness, still just trying to figure out how the fuck modes work and familiarise my muscle memory with the fretboard and learn a whole buncha basic alt. songs while I’m at it. But I think my relative pitch is maybe getting a little better, like I could hum out a particular note and have it be mostly correct when I actually play it, if that makes any sense??? That doesn’t sound very impressive but it’s as insane of a breakthrough for my stupid unskilled self as anything else. And I can’t practice my uncleans with everyone locked up in the same tiny house unfortunately, but I sure as hell will wail along to every song I jam with until my family goes deaf and I get fifty thousand noise complaints!!! Would love to post some dumb covers but this is a writing blog first and foremost and I don’t really wanna oversaturate it with all of my other untalented bullshit, so I guess that’s on the backburner for the time being.

wanted to put a photo here but i don’t have anything related so here’s a quiz result on tumblr i got instead, which is pretty fucking accurate

update: i’m attempting to learn this one beautiful song rn but hot damn all these weird chords are making my stubby sausage fingers cry from the pain ;-;

Oh, and I’m also currently reading War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells again. I say again because I once attempted to read this book probably somewhere around 2016 (deadass the bookmark I found on it are movie tickets from X-Men Apocalypse) and the most I could remember is that I kept falling asleep while reading it, so. Well I’ve gotten to the nasty gory heat ray ugly alien invading and lots of dying people bits now so I’m surely guaranteed to not go narcoleptic on it now. But yeah, that’s really mostly what I’ve been up to, nothing really interesting or whatnot but y’know, it’s just fun for me. I’ll probably start posting some actual content after this (“content” pffft sod off allen), so hope everyone’s doing well and not going a bit mental like I am right now. Well, the current world’s quite mental anyway so I reckon we’re allowed, right? Peace out and stay safe. ✌️

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Filed under Other stuff

Oh, what they think about you?


Just a bit of a really quick take, while my whole family is out eating dinner so I have the house all to myself, and I’m waiting for the paint on my sketchbook to fully dry. Goodie Bag by Still Woozy has been stuck in my head like mad lately and it’s such a trip of a time to play and sing. This entire song is mostly barre chords sans the E—I very much preferred the original key as it’s actually all barre, which makes it more comfortable and a whole lot easier for me to switch between chords; but I had to take it half a step down because my g-danged voice just cannot for the life of me reach that high hahah—it could barely reach this one either like jfc that horrible falsetto could shatter ten windows and deafen a damn dog but y’all swear to geoff I tried. There was an Attempt. T’was a rather poor one, but an attempt nonetheless. Some parts aren’t even supposed to be high-note anyhow but hey, I like a good challenge. Still gotta work on the higher pitches and vocal blending though, my head and mixed voice sucks colossal dick lmao. Also heyyy, I finally got a haircut after a bajillion centuries of looking like Chewbacca and Bigfoot’s long-lost bastard child from an unspoken long night and got all that bitch shaved off for further convenience, and I’m not even kidding but my head feels at least 10 pounds lighter. I highkey look like a dumbass egg but at least I’m not an overheated dumbass egg, so ha-HA, fuck you summer! (> : D) Also thinking about getting what little hair I have left dyed some cool abrasive neon colour soon for extra punk points (as everyone in this household also keenly suggested to me, idk why but it’s an enticing idea nonetheless). Anyway, apologies for going off the rails a bit. I kinda keep switching between a flurry of random tasks and end up not finishing a good half of them (I really gotta finish reading Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and catch up on Duolingo lessons and watch more Not Going Out but my fickle attention span refuses to let me, halp), but someone’s gotta make a decent creative downtime somehow, whittling away idle time and whatnot as it were. So this is one for the books, check and done. Jag är fånig, förlåt! ✌️

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Underexposed

you know

how much

i adore you,

don’t you?

.

the way my

soft lungs pop

whenever you

see through me

.

a frail disillusion

when it bursts

cornflower eyes

pale significantly

.

and i just never

expect any of

your attention

to be mine, even

.

for just a second

for a transient hi

for a few infinities

i ask for your sign

.

every line on my

canvas, every fold

on my journal, every

fifth in your songs

.

odd dedications

and a sudden stop

i will never cease

making every wrong

.

though i could only

ever do so much

before it’s too late

and you find me out

.

but you will never

know how much

i simply adore you,

now won’t you?

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Filed under Poetry

lying fallow

Bury me inside this labyrinth bed
We can feel that time is dilated
We can spend the night in fascination
You can thread the needle time and time again…

~*~

everything shall come

to a point where

the dagger draws

deeper and the days

are cut short by

the desire to look

better, “i’ve been

here before”, bend

the irons, scarlet letter

and just let the pieces

roll away, when the dice

hits the mark right above

their concrete stage

unshakable, unbreakable

never admit to fine mistakes

seek the vigil where the

sun used to hide, before it

was all used up for another

casualty’s rude surprise

because it has been quite

a journey, though the

satisfaction was never

symmetrical—so

send the blame all along the

watchtower, for it had

always been non-functional.

~*~

Something to confide in
Something to erase
Just look at where we’re lying
An invisible space…

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It’s too coOOoOooLd~


Just a quick little manic cover thingy because my god, this highly unexpected yet well-needed burst of sweet summer rain has ironically got me feeling some kinda sunny way today. Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood was actually one of the earliest songs I had ever learned to play on the guitar and that was around November 2018 (which is very much well into typhoon season here where I’m at), so now it just always manages to remind me of rainy days. And yes, I did change up the chorus a teensy bit because y’all know me, I just have to be completely fuckin extra about it—but otherwise this is just a really fun song for me to play and sing along to; quite simple but I could still go crazy with all the changes in picking and strumming patterns and sometimes a sprinkling of some awful vocal gymnastics whenever I so please. Hell, might even do a full cover of this someday soon. Maybe. Not really. No one wants that Allen, please. But for now, I want to chill with some warm tea and wheat bread (and if you see me looking away at the end, my cat was basically up to some shenanigans there lmao) so tschüss!

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the bloody state of this cat

Not really anything relevant to this blog whatsoever but dO Y’ALL SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY OF MY FUCKIN LIFE (jk she’s a derpy lazy chonky floof tangerine bean and i lov her 💕)

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Maybe If You Were A Little Nicer (And Whined A Lot Less)

Your clothes and your motions, they caught my eye
It’s no disguise what you want from me
Your humor, the bait for a trap so contrived
It’s no surprise what you want from me—
Your perfume scent, the lies I’ll admit
Just more evident what you want from me…

~*~

Save the best

For your worst boy

‘Cause he’s such a charm

And I’m just your

Filthy little chew toy

Making you feel annoyed

Caught right up in your molars

And I’m willing just to

Take this too far

So pick me up and

Pick me out, bleeding

Gums and toothpick wit

Make you smile but

Without grit, but I’ll never

Give you bullshit

Like you did

When you bleached your

Self-esteem, just to

Make it look like all of the

Soulless models posing

On your cheap TV

Hoping that come January

You’ll be playing all their games

Making out with bigger names

But if not, at least you still

Have me to blame

Kissing me up and down before

You cash in my suffering

‘Cause I was just your

High shortcoming

Next to your no-good dad

And being nothing

Why are you so scared of living

When you haven’t done

A single fucking thing?

But hey, don’t let me

Be the barrier

A naysayer without fervour

Because my ambitions

Also felt the weight

When you decided that

I was never worth the wait

And I’m still saving the worst

For your greatest fall

I’ve crossed the line

So taste my beck and call

And I’m saving myself

Screw your best boy

I’ll break in your plastic decoy

Even if I’ll be destroyed

‘Cause I can’t wait to stop

This pretentious jersey drama act

And when all’s said and done

And gone, well

I won’t be annoyed

No, I won’t be the one still

Waiting on to be your

Ken doll fucking chew toy.

~*~

The right recipe but the wrong target
You’ll never get what you want from me
Got no quarters in my pocket
There’s no change to play your game
Your jokes aren’t funny anymore to me
I’m not the same fool that I used to be…

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