Tag Archives: wait

Eight-Ball/Outlook

I’ve eaten bricks for breakfast

And my tongue is set on fire

All my nerves have lost their nerve

And my brain’s a walking satire

.

As the people are counted off

Like the fingers I have trembling

Attend the wake of my mild mistakes

And rude intermittent whispering

.

So I wait, and I breathe, and I sit steady

As I wait for the signal to turn ready

So I wait, and I write, and I try to find

When my heart’s made up its mind.

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arrival

the return

the final line

of empty trays

and sipped wine

.

of upbeat music

and listless smiles

we’re so close yet

we still have miles

.

the last call

the landing

of departures

and last wings

.

of blue skies

and goodbyes

we’re so far yet

it feels like the end.

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sweet subtleties

a careless smile

not meant for me

a nuanced gaze

is all i could see

a careless smile

in seconds faded

the nuanced gazes

all worthwhile waited.

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Overcast

Outside for the first time in a long time
You said you can’t remember what it’s like
To feel more than cold on the inside
But the sunrise will come again and you’ll be just fine…

~*~

It’s been too long

Since I last felt sad

When the pink clouds

Didn’t make me mad

.

It’s been too long

Since I last had a motion

To mess things up

Fall away from the season

.

It’s been too long

Since I last felt the hurt

Sinking deep in my chest

Breaking apart my worth

.

It’s been too long

Since I’m out of style

When the cold was fine

I hung around for a while

.

It’s been too long

Since I shed a real tear

Let myself slide away

Succumbed to my fears

.

It’s been too long

Since I last waited again

For failure to go away

Let the dark into my skin

.

It’s been too long

Since I last saw a daylily bloom

Summer’s just a breath, and I want to stay

But it’s been too long since I last found a reason.

~*~

You are the rustling of leaves
And you are that honeysuckle breeze
You are the sunlight
Shine onto me, shine onto me…

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the waiting game

anticipation

is building

and building

and building up

and still building…

but without

the relief of a

needed release,

it’s all i could do

not to crumble

under my own

nervous weight.

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midday

the heat is heavy

and cumbersome

and it presses down

every inch of my

slow-roasted flesh

down to my chest

into my choked lungs

now, i would inhale

but that would mean

that i’m voluntarily

letting the heat in

so i think i’m fine

holding my breath

for now, and waiting

until summer goes away.

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Ready Steady

This will always be mine, so much more than just a dream to me
And I will never be fine, with letting you ruin everything
And I will never fucking follow your lead
Give up on you, so you can take it out on me
I’m sorry that you had to watch your life come tumbling down…

~*~

I’m running out of chances to say what I wanna say

I’ll offer myself another but sooner or later, I’ll have to face today

When the burden becomes blood and control turns into cost

And I forget who I am, what was mine and what was lost

.

Open a thousand windows and the doors close off again

They take it out on me, but I always needed the extra dose of pain

Cover it up and keep it down, and my accomplices abandon

Once the going gets tough, thinking I won’t be able to go on alone

.

But keep the cash bet to my name and grit your chipped teeth

I won’t throw away what I can take, I swear I won’t cheat

I won’t cry tears but I’ll spit gasoline just to put out the raging flames

Blame my headspace for the arson and run, it’s just all the same

.

I know the things I’ve said don’t mean much until I do a thing

You can arrest me for my crimes, but I’ve got a jailbreak primed and waiting

I’m running out of chances, but I never needed any in the first place

I never required them to listen, because any day now I’ll have to face my mistakes.

~*~

Now it’s my time and I’m ready to go
Here we go, we got one more chance to make it
Better not lose control
Before everyone forgets your name…

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going, going, gone

Why does it feel like home when I’m lonely?
I always found on the solid ground
I was tripping away from space and time
I don’t really mind that I’m slipping…

~*~

would they notice

if my eyes faded away

and i lost my way

to the beckoning light?

the constructed highways

and hanging bridges

i still have to traverse are

too treacherous for my feet

and i can’t drag it out

watch me fight back

my shoulders straining to

remove the weight of the world

from its teetering blades

and yet i fell off the balance

waiting for the end of hell

in the beginning of the creation

closing my open heart

in this faceless underwater

i’ll feel anxiety again if i resurface

so i’ll embrace the cold and let

myself sink peacefully

all the way to the bottom

soothing the burns in my tongue

and the wait that manifests

saying i’ll jump off if i’m far too lost

and no one could come with me

to the deepest end of nowhere

where no one could reach my hand

and pull me back again

into the chaos they call home

who knows if i could still return

maybe i’ll just disappear for a while

after all, no one would notice.

~*~

We could disappear for a while
We could disappear if we’re going far away
It’s not running away, we were never meant to stay
In the first place, we could disappear for a while…

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Let Me In

If we’re being honest you broke every little promise
That you made to me, I was too blind to see
I was so defenseless now I’m coming to my senses
After all these years, it’s finally crystal clear…

~*~

and i let you in

when you were crying

allowing you to drown me

with relentless tears

i’m an honest man

but even good souls lie

and i’m sorry to say

every determined action ends

with a shattered promise

we’re nothing but immortal strangers

now, waiting for an introduction

that will never come

was i wrong to omit my name

in a letter meant for you?

i’m blindly stumbling down

every oath i thought they’ve taken

for the sake of lesser blood

only to find out that

you’ve been smearing it on the

blackened walls all along

so climb up on my scars and

fucking cry on them

the sting of the salt tastes better

when i know it’s deliberate

with every insipid issue

comes a cold winter to return the tides

and blowing snow in my eyes

still, i refuse to blink them

knowing you will steal my view

in the end, what’s left is a dusty attic

with a collection of all the foolish memories

of a friend and his machine

both smiling mechanically until

you can’t tell them apart at all

and this door may remain to be open

but it’s locked for you until then

feel free to knock ‘til your knuckles bleed, but

i won’t ever let you in again.

~*~

I let you bury me alive for far too long
But I’m climbing back up to the surface back to where I belong
And now it’s clear that you’re the worst part of me
How did I ever let you claw your way in so deep?

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