Tag Archives: watercolor

An Addict’s Automatic Love Letter

I’m in love with someone who’s hurting me killing me agonisingly slowly turning every word from my mouth into congealed blood and stale chewed gum and I can’t speak or breathe or eat anymore and it’s so heavy everything’s so heavy it’s like my bones are carved out of crude limestone but my brain is built of cheap plastic and it just refuses to work there’s a dogeared faded polaroid picture of you hidden somewhere in that fragile container and save for your radiant smiling face and soft baby blues it’s astonishingly empty no wonder that’s how I feel most days now most days it’s just the taste of your exquisite name lingering on my bruised lips though we never even kissed and some kind of sick distraction that never lasts long enough to send me back into the past to heal my scars if I didn’t run away from you like a complete coward back then would I be bravely holding your hand now? There’s really nothing much to do but sit around and contemplate and silently cope and stare at the bedroom walls bleached with dry rot and knuckle marks and try to ignore the creeping blood drawing underlines all over your wrists it’s about to burst oh god everything’s about to fucking explode into the most beautiful most violent most decadent shade of red———no. The carnage speaks for itself but I never once touched you no I wouldn’t dare taint your artful acrylic heart with my filthy damaged corrupted skin please you’re so perpetually pretty and I’m just the mess you made and you didn’t even know no you’ll never even know I don’t know why that pains me the most when it should be all for the best and you should be happy you deserve that much and more and I love you my darling yes I do you’re worth more than all the black holes and stardust in the universe and I’ll never adore and cherish anyone more than you but it’s sad to say you’ll always be hurting me killing me choking my words from a million miles and oceans away a million times over until drowning becomes just another bad habit and my obsessive lungs are filled with taffy and saltwater and it’s weighing my tongue down I can’t speak anymore though I have too much to say to you but you’ll never hear me out so I guess I should save myself for hell and dream of you just one last time to see if the thrill of the chase lasts longer than the capturing kill (I’m certain it wouldn’t, but the stupid things I would do for you in an arrested heartbeat could stop my twitching pulse) and finally shut up.

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Filed under Prose

northern downpour sends its love

morning storms

and opened windows

forgotten dreams

hanging by the seams

drowsy downpour

escaped stranger’s laugh

thoughts too wired

a quaint book read to tire.

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Filed under Poetry

i n t e r l u d e

–Lin-Manuel Miranda

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Filed under Other stuff, Poetry

dizzying drizzles

face the sun, and i’ll keep the rain

well, it’s been a long time coming now

this summertime taste of faintest petrichor

and childishly reminiscing faded epochs

mind not the cold fever and stranger looks

i will dance to rhythms of our favourite songs

flumes washing away the plastic headaches

and these constant tremors shaking my hands

like quiet earthquakes—the crevices in between

falling into my thoughts, breaking out from

lukewarm routine and tepid temperatures

crashing down hazily into sluggish endeavours

but i won’t melt away into a puddle just yet

i’ll go pick up your sunshine from the ground

and we can slip away into pastel phantasms

where i’ll be sure to keep your laughter safe and sound.

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Filed under Poetry