Tag Archives: way

Directions to Heaven

the memory of my father

clutches at my coiled stomach

he heeds—‘if you’re going

to die, don’t you bleed all over

the emergency room floor’

.

the fight draining out from

my critical fluids, and right into

that little plastic bag with

the yellow smiley faces, as if it

is glad to watch me suffer

the memory of my mother

sweeps down my shallow chest

she heeds—‘if you’re going

to die, don’t you leave your body

on the steps of the morgue’

.

cold light seeps in from the

corners of my eyes, like ethereal

tea; and at teatime, the doctor

looks at his clipboard and pulls my

line—so now i’ll be on my way.

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The Diary Of Jane; or Three Excerpts

i.) him; or the rest of the infinite lie

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down, sore and sick
Do you like that, do you like that?
There’s a fine line between love and hate
And I don’t mind, just let me say
That I like that, I like that…

revenge is colder than the dark ocean

that you carelessly left me to drown in

fill the chasm with the rest of my blood

and take warmth in my spiteless jealousy

as you want to make me bow down to you

but i’m carried away by your fading current

the horizon bends but never breaks the weight

is there another way to hold on to the sky again?

~*~

ii.) her; or the story no one wanted to tell

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become?

she’s sore and sick from all the fine red lines

her penned diaries have been burned to ashes

and no one tells her how it should be—or why

desperation ascending from her spine and body

“why don’t you die?” the windows were fogged

when she took her own life in that late autumn night

but no one wanted to cry tears for a corpse in a closet

so they buried her the best they could to keep her quiet…

~*~

iii.) them; or the guilt that burned a house

Something’s getting in the way
Something’s just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page, as I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be…

the front porch is swollen with pink lightning bugs

the coffee’s cold, but i stopped drinking it long ago

i don’t want morning light to catch up with my sins

i have things in my head that they cannot ever know

so i write a final letter to dear agony, forget to sign it

but it’s never enough to keep my head from screaming

the gunshots should have disturbed their sleeping sister

but she’s not here anymore. i’m sorry. let’s just get this over

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L.D.N.S.F.G.T.

Mothers cast tears on both sides of the aisle
Clear your throat and face the world
The verdict falls like bachelors for bad luck girls
Only breathing with the aid of denial…

~*~

Baby girl, I think that some vulgar words

Just aren’t meant for your pretty little ears

.

You can throw away all those dirty looks

Or drive yourself home drinking sweeter tears

.

Don’t threaten me with a good damn time

Like the way your skirt curls when you stand in line

.

And the way life turns pure with the touch of a finger

That middle spot is so pristine, now ain’t it better?

.

Baby girl, just don’t strain yourself thinking

When the world’s too dumb to accept your sinking

.

So don’t waste that pretty little breath on your scream

Save it for when you’ve got something realer than a dream.

~*~

Case open, case shut
But you could pay to close it like a casket
Baby boy can’t lift his headache head
Isn’t it tragic?

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grow up

overwhelming senses

of foreshadowed reality—

and a lost child blindly

looking for a way out

with dark minds and numb

hands, never knowing that

he was walking deeper in

and further away from the light.

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Oh, Ain’t That Clever? (The Hundred Dollar Profanity)

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who’s the ugliest of them all?
Severed, crawling like spiders
Injecting poison, now kill the bile spewing
The walking selfish living dead
I turn to rust and you play
In all the filth that you’ve created…

~*~

Sweet milk will still taste spoiled

If the mouth is too putrid and rotten

And barbaric words just don’t define

Someone’s being a “good” person

.

Underhanded plagues dyed the rain

With condescension and redder stains

With a wish that the cleave cuts deep

And that leather flesh will never heal

.

As judging eyes feel the need to gloat

Like skies on fire, the ashy vanity floats

Prison’s good but the abuse feels numb

All hands on them until they succumb

.

It’s fine to feel fine, the need to feel needy

And pride has never been so carelessly greedy

But freedom will still taste like putrid decay

When the body’s too bitter to feel the right way.

~*~

And when your dreams have come to end
How will you buy your happiness?
And when your self is all you have left
With what will you fill your emptiness?
You are the cause of man’s dissolving evolution
Is my heart completely useless?

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blood red, snow white

Wake up in a dream, frozen fear
All your hands on me
I can’t scream, I can’t scream, I can’t escape
The twisted way you think of me
I feel you in my dreams, and I don’t sleep…

~*~

vivid red, the camellias were

in full bloom today,

lush petals on a pillowed heart

.

i was finding my way

to return from tepid tides

breaking away from venus light.

.

are you hiding your needles?

From which i used to attract the

sovereign flies with, fettered

.

among suspicious hostile twitches

and pulled-off moth wings

decaying with secrets in the kitchen cabinet

.

i do not deserve absolution.

I deserve punishment and jealousy

patched upon each humilified aphorism

.

i am no longer concerned if i have

already bled out, or breathed in,

or both. or perhaps none.

.

but i am fairly certain of the

fingernail scars, tracing louvre patterns and

loveless artwork all over my arms

.

restrained; concealed amid furious

ensconcement and violent bruises

almost as pure and as fresh as

.

vivid red, the camellias were

in full bloom yesterday,

lush petals covering a beaten heart.

~*~

I can’t save your life, though nothing
I bleed for is more tormenting
I’m losing my mind and you just stand there
And stare as my world divides
You belong to me, my snow white queen
There’s nowhere to run, so let’s just get it over
Soon I know you’ll see you’re just like me
Don’t scream anymore my love, ’cause all I want is you…

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aesthetic

I see meaning where you don’t, where you don’t
I see waves of pastel orange and yellow paintings fire
I see futures that you won’t, that you won’t
I see futures where our nights are lost to condensation…

~*~

i see a future

in your smile

and a dimple

with a bruise

eyes that light

a jar of fireflies

and could fill up

an ocean trench

that button nose

twitching quaint

and slightly red

from bad pollen

ears perk, listen

for symphonies

and hear out the

sourest of notes

lips and tongue

in soft half moon

which you never

wane to a full one

as eyebrows that

raise in quick wit

miss the eyelash

that grants a wish

with zinnia tresses

in springtime wind

you use it to hide the

blush in your cheeks

i see grey and colour

blacks and whites in

that simple mind that

wanders far too much

it’s too bad you don’t see

the same way i do, and you

only see time ticking seconds

away from your quiet beauty.

~*~

Running through the cold air
Searching for a meaning
Passed out on the concrete
Dizzy from the spinning
Wake up to the feeling
That everybody’s leaving…

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Deciduous Infinity

“Hang the stars who pulled the pin out of my heart.”

~*~

I’m never going to lose you

The way I lost my past possessions

Of paper stars and empty cars

And first-grade last impressions

I’ve cried in smudged ink a hundred ways

Filling up every spectrum and space

I’ve listened until all the tapes are played

And revolving around in eternal ballet

There has been too much ethereal

In quiet holy places and feisty carnivals

Autumn collisions of the sky and the ocean

Peripherals of songs of resting swans

But I’m never going to lose your dream

The way I lost my fugacious incandescence

From bedless hope and faithless screams

You’re my first place last defiance.

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hello, shooting star

send my mind

into deep space nine

to reach for stars

that keep on lying

i’m dumb on dreams

and on unpleasant hopes

my neck is screaming

“hand me the rope”

but i won’t be dragged

by one or two mouths

this is all that i have

my body’s naiant south

and one day i will be

dancing with galaxies

i used to gaze upon

locked in wishful reveries

so send my lost mind

into bright circles of heaven

i don’t need angel wings

i’ll find my own way until then.

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Speed Limit

Offered her a pill and now she yelling
Took her from the hills, now we rolling
Probably get her killed by the morning
Pedal to the motherfucking floor, man
Full acceleration, hear me roaring…

~*~

Driving fast, breaking traffic lights, think I’m going insane

Changing gears endlessly but never changing to the right lane

Right hand on the left end, strap yourself and swallow your tongue

The wrong turn makes my eyes spin like oxy, are you having fun?

Worrying slow, think I’m crashing on windshields and pedestrians

Changing my mind again but it’s too late, and everything’s gone

Right now I’m left behind, seatbelt off and choked on my uncertainty

The wrong way makes my car spin like xans, but who’s up for doing ninety?

~*~

Pop another, now it’s hurting
Sip and driving got me swerving
Book a table, I’m reserving
Now it’s feeling like a circus…

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