Tag Archives: winter

Impossible Year: Haze

The eventide stars, Spencer Smith decided, were more beautiful when their iridescent light coalesced softly against the glimmering snowfall.

Holding a freshly-bought cup of coffee to warm his hands, he wrapped the scarf around his pallid face a bit tighter, his cheeks already a pleasant shade of pastel red from the cold. Finding a nearby park bench to rest on, he placed his bag on it and gingerly sat down to stretch his weary legs.

It had been a long day.

The dim sodium lights above his head overhead flickered once, twice, before completely blazing bright, gradiating his shadow farther and making the darkness seem a little less lonelier than it was.

Lonely little life…

Intricate whorls of vapour escaped from his mouth in a lost sigh. He gazed thoughtfully into his untouched drink, languid mind turning to reminiscing as it replayed old memories like damaged black and white film reels, visions rolling through his half-closed eyes like a fast fading dream.

He thought about his best friend, the clever idiot. Spencer hadn’t seen him in…years? Had it been years? Most likely. He already stopped counting, and he was pretty sure they had done the same, as well. They’ve all been separated for a while and doing their own things now, after all. That was just a part of growing up.

But suddenly remembering those old moments of madness and melancholy alike; the dumb interviews spent joshing each other around and the absurd-looking costumes they put together with thrifted clothes and dollar store supplies, the way they constantly joked around together and made crazy music that left a lasting legacy to always be proud of, the hell-high youth that intoxicated them and, for one moment, made everything feel deathless—it all came crashing back to him and made him feel rather blindly exposed. The frigid breeze suddenly started to pick up as it blew past his rusty bones, making made him shiver slightly.

Best friends, huh…

He hugged his jacket a little tighter towards him as he felt a slower chill run past his skin again. This time, he wasn’t quite entirely sure if it was still from the cold weather.

Spencer smiled dolefully, ignoring the quiet pang of ache that made its way under his ribs. He was happy for his old friend, he really was. That man had helped him through so much, carrying him throughout his worst relapses and his painful withdrawals and even the most hopeless moments of his life, god, they’ve been through so much together. But it couldn’t always be a fairy tale ending for all of them. Sometimes clocks simply stop, and cogs simply fall apart, and after everything that’s happened, time couldn’t ever be turned back and everything has to go on. Happily ever after wasn’t ground zero, it was simply another fork in the road.

But it’s alright. That’s just life. And it was fun while it lasted.

Despite himself, he still can’t help but badly miss everyone. He wondered if they also missed him, as well.

Spencer sat by the very corner of that fragile cardboard town for quite a long time, resting beneath the sinking lavender haze of the early winter afterglow as he let frail snowflakes blanket his tired body; waiting for answers he knew will never come to him.

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Filed under Prose

Habromania

you’re the worst kind

of mental disturbance

.

an overreactive type

of chemical imbalance

.

you’re the bad version

of a daydream in winter

.

a paroxysmal state of

transience in evermore.

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Filed under Poetry

Gemstones and Constellations

You tried to kiss me through the window
I tried to settle for the taste of touching glass

Over the sound of answering machines
Because I love the way your voice
It says it’s gonna get back to me someday…

~*~

Remember the morning that wept cold stars like winter rain

Diamonds unraveling as they danced against the faded windows

As the pale pink light beneath the horizon left taciturn stains

On the browns and greys of onlooker eyes, barely open with sorrow

Painting a polychrome noir by the griefstricken brush of a god

Seeking those wandering souls that have strayed too far to go back

Piercing glass concealed fallen ashes that traced the broken blood

Like bitter scepticism left locked under closet doors so it won’t distract

Remember the morning that drained nights of their dissonant reverie

As for saving the stars that fell that evening…only a fated few were so lucky.

~*~

And this is gonna be the best day of my life
A celebration of an ending, come on…

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Filed under Poetry

phantasm

withered cheeks

warm not the frost

of winter’s chill

forget-me-nots

.

used gallery

of paintings fade

as strokes peel off

with art unmade

.

a fantasy rose

though you may be

a common thorn

is all they’ll see.

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Filed under Poetry

Seasons in Retrograde

Come at me with everything you’ve got
Burst into flames, s
cream in the dark
I’m gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars tonight…

~*~

They said it wouldn’t be easy

And being homesick is better than being alone

As the moon burst into flames

I ended up igniting under my coalescing bones

.

Throw me behind the darkness

And I’ll learn to breathe without the light

As the blade swings closer to me

Love, I’ll hold it back for you, and I’ll fight

.

I’m dizzy from wreaking all this havoc

Sober as the ashes melted in my numbing lips

Counting seconds until these stars drop

I’ll catch them like a nightmare, take and keep

.

Because everything looks even more beautiful

When I’m submerged a thousand feet deep in waters

And the undersea glow is a vicious accentuation

To those pale azure eyes that speak of blank aspiration

.

For they won’t come to take you back

And being homesick is better than being alone

As the midnight sun froze into winter

I ended up embracing the perennial cold for my own.

~*~

(What do you do when you’re out of time?)
(Where do you go when they’re right outside?)
(And how do you scream when there’s no one left around?)
I’m gonna light up this place (No one left around?)
And I will be the only light, I’ll be the only light.

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Filed under Poetry

Snow Maiden (Winter Sonata)

Snow is falling, last train home
Hurry up, it’s been too long, I know, I know
Been on the road a hundred days
And I can’t wait to see your face
Come home, she said come home…

~*~

The disappointment is as palpable

As the ashes of a burnt linden tree

Painting nightmares on my tongue

Tracing rivulets of bruised scarlet

I wonder if I knew anything at all

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

I wake up to scream at the falling sky

Waiting for melting watches to tick

As i crushed quinces on my fingers

Lost queries of my olive laurel echoing

Returning peace to my crystal diadem

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

Cleaves of grey accentuate my shoulders

Angles cutting against chilly winter wind

As I mindlessly counted cobweb snowflakes

The jackfrost kissing my unfortunate skin

It’s so cold, yet your spell is potent to season

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

Was it my crime to tread past your virgin snow?

Snapping frail twigs beneath solemn footsteps

Looking for lime thrush amid robin evergreen

Distractions working their way into my heart

The temperature drops like icicles in my coat

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

Hibernating eyes reminded me of summer days

That never really arrived to thaw this glacial soul

Midst of mirages and premonitions of soft laughs

My warm coffee spilling as the steam train stops

I thought I was finally home…hope is a fickle thing

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

Oh beloved, your nectarine gaze was mine to spare

Crashing the chrysalis of our failed metamorphosis

As arctic weather turns our breaths foggy, icy shivers

Last beyond the horizon. I never meant to let you down

I’m so sorry that I still can’t see why you truly loved me…

In this cruel coldness, I wonder if I knew anything at all

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

(And I’ll never feel this way again—

If I held my breath forever, would I still feel a thing?)

~*~

You’ve been waiting so long for me
I know that’s not that fair now baby
I come home on Christmas morning
Knock on your door, the snow is falling
You come out, come out to greet me
Wrap your arms, your arms around me…

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Filed under Poetry

Winter Heart

summer kites

they danced

on the sunny sky

as the heat

escaped outside

with a sigh

colours splatter

against the

pale cool blue

the sunlight

resonated

its diadem hues

the vista

distorted with

heat waves

and sticky sweat

trickled down

warm naves

as sweet sodas

were passed

right on cue

to help endure

the highest noons

in construe

the weather was

as tepid as

we were told

and yet

i still wonder

why i feel so cold.

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Filed under Poetry

★ it’s cold ☆

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

it’s cold.

i was never one for

summery days

yet i miss it when i

get one taste

i was never one for

springtime woes

yet i want showers

to chill my toes

i was never one for

autumn blues

yet i love the look

of foliage hues

i was always one for

winter snow

yet when you left

i realised it was too cold

i’m cold…

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

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Filed under Poetry, Southern Constellations

I can’t buy you a black heart, you already have mine

I will buy you black dahlias for when you’ll soon return

When the jacks top the pile and all the judges adjourn

I’ll play you a tune, strum empty space in my theremin

You’ll be blushing carnation posies, a flushed melanin

.

I will buy you black kittens for when you can concede

When the auctioneers play their life, into the final bids

I’ll slay you a djinn, I’ll make xanthene stars disappear

You’ll be drowning in silver, and drinking day-old beer

.

I will buy you black shoes for when you jig and show up

When the most futile of molasses spill over their cusps

I’ll relay a broken melody, perhaps a lost Liberace score

You’ll be avoiding tears on the checkered linoleum floor

.

I will buy you black scarves, keep your arterial blood warm

When the conspiracies falter and gypsies lose their charm

I’ll pray you a stale Angelus, and wait for the Lord to rapture

You’ll be in an open field, awaiting your last inevitable capture

.

I will buy you black snow for when you can finally find your way back home

When I accept the fact that you’re quiescent, resting under loam and stones

I’ll drink my hot eggnog, open presents of shadows, and I’ll solemnly remember

You’ll be cold and white as winter night, like my soul is in this solitary December.

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Filed under Poetry

Nature’s Dulcet Tones

RAINBOW RUNNER

Pulled onto the sky

By last tears of silken clouds

Ribbon of colours.

~*~

MOTHER NATURE’S DRESS

Upon where we step

Flowers, trees, plants, blossoming

Earth; Nature’s soft skin.

~*~

FIELD OF DREAMS

On the ground I lie

Blades of grass, shamrock so deep

Guide me into sleep.

~*~

NAUTICAL NONSENSE

Splashing and crashing

The water scintillating

Waving you goodbye.

~*~

MOONBEAMS

Sphere with a dark side

Gleaming white teeth grinning down

What does your smile hide?

~*~

THE LAST DAYS OF WINTER

Glaring sun perched proud

Buds of green as it melts, thaws;

Winter’s bone-white snow.

~*~

FIREFLY

Fireflies will guide you

In the valley of darkness

Stars below the skies.

~*~

SUMMER SNAPSHOTS

Tepid weak-willed winds

Ice cream melting by the pool

Sluggish lazy bones.

~*~

LITTLE RAINDROP

See it falling down

Hear it splash, a tranquil sound

Bye, little raindrop.

~*~

UNDERGROUND HEAVEN

I plant little stars

In the hope that they would spring

Into dazzling hope.

~*~

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