Tag Archives: wonder

bruises

i don’t like myself

any more than you do

but i wondered why you

always stuck around

even when i hurt you blue

i don’t want myself

any less than you did

but i wondered why we’ve

always bothered to care

when it hurt us both red—

why do we hate ourselves?

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Failing Light (One Hundred Sleepless Nights)

Do you still love me? I am dying to know
Or did you forget what we shared?
Out of sight, out of mind, I was never even there…

~*~

Above anything else, I would let you bury me tonight.

The stars do not weep in the presence of the moon. Hearts wish not to rend themselves apart and souls no longer magically turn to gold simply because of your silver lining. Oceans remain a mystery, and space remains a final frontier, only left for your lips to discover, and for mine to wonder. I’m fully aware that I wouldn’t chase shadows. You know very well that you wouldn’t hurt the darkness. Nothing else makes sense anymore, but irrationality itself.

Do I mind? Would you care? There is no mercy left to be scavenged in these cold, lifeless hands of ours; hanging by a diaphanous thread, desperately raring to furtively unravel. But I won’t leave. I won’t let you down again. I won’t let this skin be filled with scars that tell no tales, occupied with hurt that leads to blind dead ends, embraced with an eloquent love that never existed. These are but synesthetic bouquets of eternity, laid in an empty grave for the unborn, wilting, wilting, wilted. Only you are the darling evergreen; fragrant, flourishing, faded.

Your voice is the exquisite cadence with which my pulse chooses to hum. My blood dances elegantly at the incipient sound of your hello, and it dwindles into a soft lamenting waltz when that final goodbye echoes, an ethereal lullaby that no deity nor universe can fathom, but it keeps me up from midnight diminuendo until the morning crescendo, wretched by my own asthenic humanity. You are lissome and restless by your personal cozen design. I am revered synthetically in my own chemical lassitude. We are clashing and colliding in the reckless throes of a gossamer accident, writing a halcyon tragedy.

But dear, keep your summery thoughts free of winter miasma. Worry not the deceptive haze of your alabaster reveries, don’t mind the labyrinthine obscurance of my obsidian nightmares, and never fear their contemptuous amalgamation, for I’ll take all of them far away from you, beyond the reach of birthed supernovae and black holes, so you may carry on saving astral symphonies with your lungs, and I can take my last fated exhale with a mellifluent memory. Your bed may be worn-out, but I’ll keep myself warm on the traced outlines you left. And I’ll keep on sleeping. And I’ll keep on dreaming. And I’ll keep on waiting for you to wake me up.

Until then, immortal repose is mine. And yours is immortal repose.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

Fill In The Blanks

Regrets infesting before the final choice is made

A look-back taken the wrong way, as resolution fades

Can’t catch a break when I’m running with fractured legs

So I sit in the sheer silence of my own fucking mess

I want to take back something that hasn’t even been done

Exchange clear rationality just for the sake of jumping the gun

When the count’s already over and the ticking clock has won

It leaves only myself wondering until I’m left with none.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Lost Paradise

In my young boyhood—should it thus be given
T’were folly still to hope for higher Heaven!
~Dreams; Edgar Allan Poe

~*~

A shot of nepenthe lay waste to ruin

What might have been a clandestine heaven

With dreams that gazed upon the yonder

Of mysticism, limerence, and wonder

Altercations, though idyllic its lambency

Spare nephilim hearts and exquisite reverie

Wherefore doubt may have and doubt may be

Upon befallen tears of quiet syncope

Empty grave rather dreamless, hellfire cold

Rose above rampant flames that scourge the soul

This solitude threats me more than mercy

Lost in the spirits upon a past that never shall be

Yet, still I lay my hands upon dark lilac skies

Wishing for a memory that even seraphs dare defy

A sip of nepenthe lay waste to overtaken

What never was and never shall be my secret heaven.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

insignificance

You’re losing your light
Everything that was yours
Just does not exist

So don’t even try to say
Sorry for the things in life that
You might have missed…

~*~

i quietly wonder

if i had done anything

wrong to reclaim

another faultful star

.

as i stare outside the window

cascading past endless stretches

of worn paved-roads

and vast fertile landscapes

.

and everything looks transiently gargantuan

.

but i momentarily glance

at the empty bus seat next to me

and i feel rather small again

.

flimsy music in my ears

speaking of infinite sentiments

and i’m disenchanted again

these mellisonant voices are enough

they have to be enough

.

to keep my wandering mind

company against the ephemeral madness

.

i flick my red lighter open

and hold it close—but not too close

to my dying pen; wondering, for

a moment, if the same trick could revive

my spirits like the stuttering ink,

tempted to burn my flesh back to life

.

but i merely stare into the flame—

flickering unsteady still—and blow it out

so it doesn’t have to be lonely

as my heart is right now

.

as i travel from small city

to smaller town, i wonder where

all my friends are right now

how they are all doing

what they are doing

.

and if they’re all having fun

without me.

~*~

Sometimes they say this should
Feel something like fire
‘Til it burns you and you can’t
No, you can’t remain the same
Stay the same, although you know
They say this should feel something like fire
No, I can’t change…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

taboo

am i too strange

to speak of death?

too insidious to

think of regrets?

.

what a mystery

how it’ll be when

i wonder about it

again and again

.

am i too strange

to want for death?

am i too inhuman

to feel any regret?

.

what a cold travesty

how it will be when

i attempt to slay myself

again and again and again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

La Bella Fantasia

“I swear that I can hear you in the wind…”

~*~

little phantasmic phantoms dance about

growing flowers at the garden of my mind

waiting to pluck out each bluebell and daisy

to fashion the wreaths into something kind

the playful zephyr is a fair weather friend

lulling each berceuse to sleep until the end

orbit sending me high into the atmosphere

but i won’t fall, no—i have nothing to fear

listening to the cherry blossoms that hide

in the boroughs where there’s a tinkerbell bride

and the mystical creatures would understand

with every speck of dust, a magic that enchants

.

but the delphi hearts and oracular tongues

speak of stories and brier thorns that selfishly clung

to innocent naivete still stubbornly preserved

though only to the pristine youth that it deserves

the wily eyes staring into the darkness osiris

as the nettles grow wild prevent cogent dreams

they scoured the atlas looking for eternal citadels

the nondescript pangs unaware of incarnate bevels

shrines that i pray to now submerged in irascible sins

incoherent adages leaving bruised indentations within

will the pixies be daunted? will the elves repatriate?

Quietly accepting the moiety of their unfortunate fates?

.

but beneath the black and white of underground paradise

is a fair place for scathing asters and aureole mirth alike

beyond the curlicues of charcoal smoke that paint the stars

a gossamer love decays, recording a dictaphone of past wars

in an imbroglio of lotuses, past the wafting scent of sandalwood

on the horizon, a transit of venus, a crescent smiling platitude

thoughts as crystal clear as seaglass, reflect candid illusions

show a bouquet from the spectres, a plethora of guiling ruminations

amid the taste of camphor and lead, i return to lacklustre reality

wondering and pondering when i’ll get lost again in my crafted fantasy.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Crime Is For Vigilantes, God Is For Nonbelievers, Art Is For Objective, Life Is For The Deceased

Pretend like I don’t entice you
I’ve seen you circling the sky above my head
You traitor!
I will never be taken for granted again
Keep digging holes in the desert!
Say a prayer for you…

~*~

The gun that you ate like the last judgment cancer

You won’t wake up again, this taste lingers forever

Dreamless and searching for another god to pray over

Will there be salvation? Will there be a foolish answer?

.

The razor that you choked down like a monastery hate

Won’t return the tidal waves to you, so don’t even wait

If the fragile daybreak rises up just a little bit far too late

Satisfaction is the ultimate lie, rosary beads will separate

.

The rope that you pulled on like it’s the final act of a closing show

But the opera voice won’t stop singing and the audience won’t go

You won’t see without binoculars, the culminating genocide glow

Belting out every tragic demise, shot like holes in a glass thorough

.

The chemicals that you injected and ingested like a sinner’s last meal

Still without a clue in your veins and arteries what it’s like to ever feel

The camera’s shooting another hallucination, another high for the thrill

Between you and me, I’m curious to see who will be taking the first kill

.

The life that you took rather casually as if it was yours to actually control

They wouldn’t stop playing the film reels even when you said to end it all

Selfishness carving lined notches in the bedpost where you’ll take your fall

Slipping away from existence as you wondered if you were truly alive at all.

~*~

She’s mine! You stay away from her
It’s not her time, ‘cause, baby, I’m the one
Who haunts her dreams at night
Until she’s satisfied…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Wonderless

instances

of another well-developed meaning

forming sentences within my mind

.

i wonder

if amid all this rapacious confusion

a literary epiphany i’ll be able to find.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

eyes wide shut

a severed midnight

taking the calls of a thousand

dreaming souls, fading

.

i wonder if the rain will wash us away

.

drifting into a somnolent embrace

against clashing tides of aegan

until i have sand in between my fingers

breathing in the hawthorn blossoms

.

reaching again until it falls

and stops crying beneath my feet

.

just close your eyes and softly

rest amid sounds of synaptic crickets and

faint traces of chanterelle

between your slightly-open mouth

.

waiting to hold onto forbidden auguries

coalitions of sweeter reveries

i couldn’t find behind your eyelids

.

and then, perhaps, after a million years under

the stars, i’ll open my eyes to revelations

.

the light sleeps on. where can we be alone to watch them?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry