Tag Archives: words

happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts…

i also want

to write about

positive things

and happy thoughts

and dainty memories

full of floral words

and eloquent hearts

dripping like pastel

raindrops off my mouth,

but how can one do so

if all he has is a black pen

piercing the chambers of

his black-bled heart?

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from a writer who can’t write, to a friend who doesn’t care

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you down
And out is where you ought to stay…

~*~

i’m never enough.

every time i build

my invincible walls

back up, you shatter

it with a crashing

sledgehammer

and a glint of your

candy fucking teeth

you’re so goddamn eloquent

an angel with a seraphim

choir voice, heavenly

and i’m just a shitty

raconteur, a useless dry

quill pretending to be

a writer, a croaking bullfrog,

a clean cut nothing

vying to be the something

you would notice and

admire back, and maybe

even e n v y . . .

but no, don’t read

the lines in the wrong

perspective, oh no

i adore you so much

darling, that it turns

my heart into chiseled

stone and devours my

lusted guts like acid

in my abandoned brain

for your creative spell

is my personal dante’s hell.

but this jealousy

hurts so fucking good

that i find ways to

compare, contrast

and inflict pain on myself

emotionally, mentally

p h y s i c a l l y

desiring the day you

finally notice my scars

and compliment them

and i’ll feel fucking

revered and glorified

by a cheap side remark

by a person who couldn’t care

to a thing with ugly taint.

am i really so insecure

as to resort to low blows

and pathetic attention whoring

to feel a little better

about my blithe existence?

F U C K. Y E S.

because no matter how

many beautiful words

i bleed in silver and gold

from my pen and

into the blank canvas,

prose, poetry, stories, lies—

i’m just never enough

to make myself worthy

for myself…

no, i’m never fucking enough

for you.

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Ring the Bell Referee, and Let the Fight Begin

Such a shame you had to go and run your mouth
Your mouth is what you make it but at least I’ve got real friends—
Can you hear me now?! Now that I’m a big star!
Fuck you and your no love for yourself! (It don’t mean shit…)

~*~

Life is a kickass enemy, and the rage is a motivation

Let the judges slit my throat over my unorthodox declaration

It’s hard punches and cold lunches packed with action

Move closer to me now, and step into my own creations

Say my sullied name again, I’m stronger than before

I left my shoes under the bridge so when I fly, I feel lighter

Honestly it’s not that easy to have half of my fun

But this crimson ink bleeds so I won’t have to use a gun

My fingers they splinter from frenetic movements

If I’m still alive right now, I’m only breathing in segments

Ideas run wild and I stumble, I gotta pace to keep up

And I have to learn more about gravity to get the last laugh

Hear the sound of my voice among a stentorian million

Fuck the stars and dollar bills that sing against my emotion

I’ll whisper in silver undertones and break my voice on needles

Roll the dice but you can’t solve all my cryptic riddles

Don’t take my jealous life of matches and propane lights

Kill it fast, don’t let it die, I’m on a hurricane tonight

Spit and masticate the contract written on skin and paper

Throw the shreds in the seafloor bed under the polluted waters

But oh my god, I’ve been looking in the wrong direction

Running away in pilchard pastels over twisting intersections

This turnpike velocity won’t be my ultimate weakness

I’ll try not to splinter my soul, I’ll try never to second guess

So stop staring at me now, your glare is nitrogen seething

I promise I’ll be even later for our preliminary meeting

I’ll praise the chicken scratches I’m proud to call my home

Cursed again, this foolish confidence just won’t leave me alone

I’m exhausted, I’m burnt-out, and everything quavers spasmodically

But shit I’ll use my own words, I’m not gonna borrow from the dictionary

I know this adrenaline high will wear out soon, I’ll collapse from temporary exhilaration

But goddamnit I’ll drag my broken legs to hell if I have to, and I’ll abuse this rare motivation.

~*~

And I’ve got so much to give
But I would kill just to feel less invisible!
And you’ve got so much to learn about gravity
So live it up baby don’t look down
(Live it up baby, don’t look down…)

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This means war, sweetheart

“Every single door in this house is on FIRE!!!”

~*~

I’m in agony over how

You just constantly

Abuse your privilege

And stab razors in

My throat; yes, the

Very ones you stole

From me last night,

While I slept wasted.

I hate your words,

Your putrid tongue

That doesn’t speak

The language of

Originality, somehow

Speaking of holes

And roses and

Pretty fucking proses

In imitated neurosis

And you reckon

You’re so damn cool

When you’re the jack

Playing the fool

And if you’re gonna

Be pretentious

As all abrasive hell,

Then fuck it, at least

Learn how to spell.

Why do you make

Me despise you

So much, then pull

My heart away with

The beat of a miracle?

You threw first punch

But you hit yourself

And blacked out

Your own perspectives

You are impossible

But somehow I read

Every toss of your

Androgynous wink

You can’t fool the

Ones who don’t think.

But don’t take it away

Don’t take the injections

That sedate me from

This lifeless corpse

Named reality…..

They’re mine, goddammit

So don’t make me hate

What I fucking love,

Don’t let me live so you

Could kill me slow,

Don’t ruin victory and

Misery and SoCal lifelines

Singing for me now…

You can’t be that harsh.

You can’t be that insane.

Surely, you can’t be that stupid.

You won’t understand me

You were never too clever

But hear me out again

Damn it, won’t you listen?!

I may talk too much

But bitch please,

You breathe too much,

So I guess we’re all

Peachy and even now

Even though you’re

Still stepping on my toes

With a fist worthy sneer

Chanting la-dee-fucking-da;

But that’s fucking fine

I’ll concede your asininity

…Time remaining.

So get your knife out

Of my jugular now,

Cross a busy highway

And fucking eat shit

And excuse me while

I go and throw up,

‘Cause you make me

Feel so fucking s-i-c-k.

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the unsaid

there are

times i

regret all

the foolish

words my

tongue

has tread

but i will

always

regret even

more all

the things

that i

never said.

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Dollface

you have that

special ability

of ruining my

perfect day

with your

damn words

that i hear

from other

people, it

stabs deep

like pins on

a fabric heart—

your ability’s

so fucking

special that

i don’t even

have to see

your face in

order for you

to unravel my

rare smile

into stray

threads and

loose ends.

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Oh, So Careless

So I’ll slit my throat, so I’ll bleed the truth
Cut out my tongue so I speak no excuse
There’s enough trash in this blood to pollute you
And I’m just a fuck, hate me, hate me, hate me…

~*~

Careless, so careless

Hapless I with mine words

Amputated my tongue

To save the hearts I hurled

This is a consequence

That hurts to the very bone

I’ve learned to endure it

I might well be carved stone

Why haven’t I wavered?

Every bite spars a new pain

If rage was an operation

None of my limbs’ll remain

Reduced to a veiny mess

You bled me out, I’ll confess

Sharp blades with stress

I am careless, oh so careless…

~*~

I’ve been falling apart
Self-destructive at heart
It’s okay, it’s okay if you hate me
I’ve been living my death
Over and over again
It’s okay, it’s okay if you hate me
‘Cause I hate me…

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petal

words that

haunt me

like a rose

i wish your

thorny lips

would close.

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pen on placid

the ink

on my fingertips

is the only

thing that’s

keeping me awake

if i chisel

my mind with

words, maybe i’ll

past make

when the rot

in my imagination

is spreading

like a disease

It prevents

me from spoiling

into debilitated bliss

the rusted

gears turning

whilst ejecting

the carbon dioxide

the ink

on my fingertips

is the only

thing that’s keeping

me alive.

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Vee Symphony #02/#10/#83

No, no more eyes to see the sun
You slide into bed while I get drunk
Slow conversations with a gun
Mean more than I’ve ever said
To anyone, anyone…

~*~

Breath in hyperventilation

Force control of emotions

I grasp at straws but I fail

With your passionate gale

Smirk that concludes hell

Deepen like wishing wells

The ghost of a former cry

Left before the altar to die

Sound of acoustic heaven

The chambers are all even

In the lone you charm past

Cremating a flatline to last

What is it with your blood?

You are a contagious ache

Gasolines burning sunsets

My butterfly heart in stakes

A detention, soft yet risqué

All rescinded as you played

If victory, it was the sleight

You, Vincent’s starry night

Tear me apart, a whirlpool

On your slow drain words

I will find home by myself

Let me stumble by a kerb

A million ways to kill stars

And thousand ways to die

Three minutes is all it took

A split second before I cry

Autumn skies are too late

Their songs tasted of pain

But it’s always your ending

Going straight for the veins.

~*~

So keep in happiness
And torture me while I
Tell you ″Let’s go in style″
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Darling let’s go outside
It will be alright…

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