Tag Archives: dark

Love Me Like You Used To

Love me like you used to

When feelings weren’t worth a damn

And romance was just a sham

Peering behind crowded restaurants

And late-night warm musings

When I dared your lips to hurt mine

.

Love me like you used to

As our silver lungs are intertwined

You were more than a concept

A voice I faded out in broad daylight

Someone whose laughs and

Inside jokes I didn’t know the path to

.

Love me like you used to

When I thought I couldn’t ever lose you

But you twist me up in currents

Leaving fingerprints all over frigid skin

Wishing, waiting, and waking up

Drenched in a pool of your self-secrecy

.

So love me like you used to

Shame on me for falling for a faceless stranger

Out of all the souls in the cosmos

You’re the faintest star my bright eyes picked

So I’ll love you like it means a damn

While you still loved me like you never did.

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adi/s/pose

tightening flesh

willpower on a noose

chunks, spilling out

from folds of cloth

and utter self-shame

repulsiveness—

a circular shadow

fingers shoved down

screaming throats

holding on, and yet still

letting go—insides

curl in disgust

acid burning teeth

unable to fully digest

the ugliest truth

that’s all you will ever be

crushed bones and

muddled-up delusions

and bloated organs showing

all of your secrets;

no one will ever love

a colossal mess

not even yourself

especially not yourself—

swallowing cold hope

will only result in

a violent choke

but isn’t that what you

wanted all along?

skin turns blue, then red

aftertastes blending

in an open mouth…

what are you waiting for?

go on then—

eat your fucking heart out.

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miasmatic

i am an insatiable hurricane; quietly violent and reckless to the touch.

i want to throw up every last drop of blood and ink and poison from my shivering body, until the strange hollowness i constantly feel is fully justified. i want to grab at my chest, wrench my ribs gaping open, and carve out my constricting lungs into prettier passageways so that i could finally breathe right again. i want to drill a hole at the back of my broken head and let all the awful thoughts come flooding out, i’ll let it grow into a sizable puddle and use the vile colours to cover up an empty canvas with pretty shades of hysteria. i want to scream, and scream, and SCREAM until someone listens to me, until someone is disturbed enough to care—i just want to know that i’m not invisible. i want to freely love and be loved without the choking fear of losing myself completely, but no one should ever have to suffer that way.

and me. and me. selfish human being, desiring an impossible life. an impossible life of happiness. of normalcy. of simplicity. of even just being fine for longer than a second. i want to find a soft spot beneath the earth and bury myself alive for a few centuries, hiding forgotten and patiently waiting until everyone and everything i used to know has inevitably gone away with the passing of time, and maybe then…maybe then, there would be a chance for me. maybe then, i wouldn’t have to keep desperately wanting anything for once. because then, i’ll only have what i truly need.

is that too much to ask for?

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Make It Count, Ilsa Lund

You cut me off, I lost my track
It’s not my fault, I’m a maniac
It’s not funny anymore, no it’s not
My heart is like a stallion
They love it more when it’s broken
Do you wanna feel beautiful?
Do you wanna?

~*~

You taste just like a brittle toothache

Wire me up and around and make me too fake

And I’ll swim inside your favourite shirt

While you’re still wearing it—now, does it hurt?

My esoteric youth’s breaking broken on your gaze

I’m surely unwise but I think I love that face

So let’s stay up early and get into trouble

Writing stupid songs to make weak hearts tremble

But this isn’t a sweet story, just another warning

On the back of a cigarette box, addicts and nicotine

Shove out all my oxygen and make me believe

That the dizziness is only a side effect of your kiss

I’m all fucked-up and high on your lows

But I’ll let you change your mind if you don’t let it go

You’re all fucked up and crashing down fast

But I’ll arrest it by the knifepoint just to make it last

Because you make me too endorphin reckless

And going for turbulence as my adrenaline amazes

The thrill of your tomorrow, slats set up for the kill

You hung me out to dry and held on to my life at will

But I’ll hold you against me like you’re my only crime

‘Cause I have forever to waste but I just don’t have the time

You taste like an existential crisis, you smell like baby stars

And I’d wear that fragrance everyday—do you mind going a bit too far?

~*~

I don’t know where you’re going
But do you got room for one more troubled soul?
I don’t know where I’m going, but
I don’t think I’m coming home
And I said, I’ll check in tomorrow if I don’t wake up dead
This is the road to ruin and we’re starting at the end…

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ativan

a mouthful of chalk,

mixed with lead and ashes

as the room spins a record

only my dazed eyes could hear

.

a mouthful of chalk,

mixed with your toxic words

my migraine plays me a film

of my self-destructive apathy.

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Saligutgot (Chaos)

Ingay—isang kawalan, ayaw mapakinggan

Sakit na hindi matahimik, lumulunok ng mga tinik

Galing sa salitang hindi mabigkas; uulitin at

Uulitin pa rin hanggang sa maubos ang pasensyang

Maikli—ang oras, ang araw, ang naputol na ugat

Sa iyong mga kamay, nagpupumiglas, nanlalamig

At naiipit sa mabigat na tanikalang dumuduyan

Sa mahinang indayog ng kanilang nagdurusang sigaw,

Mahapdi sa kaluluwa, hindi matago ng kisapmata

Nakalimot ka na ba? Tila manhid na sa mga galos

Nang ikaw ay binalibag at kinaladkad na

Parang masahol na hayop, lumalaban sa hinagpis

Na hindi maiwasan, hindi malampasan, at kailanman

Laging mararanasan. Sinong may sala? Kaninong

Anino ang galit na ituturo ng iyong nabaling daliri

Para mapatawad lamang ang kasalanang akala

Mo’y hindi babalik para dalawin ang iyong

Gumuguho na konsensya—kung hindi ikaw, sino? Sila?

Ako? Ang diyos na ayaw magpakita kahit

Tayo’y naniniwala at nagdadasal at nagmamakaawa?

Hindi ito matatahimik. Hindi mo mahahanap ang musikang

Makakapagkontra sa lahat ng sakit, ng pait, kahit saglit, ng—ingay.

Noise—a moment of loss, refusing to be heard

Aches that cannot be silenced, swallowing thorns

From these unspoken words, repeating and

Repeating again until patience is consumed

Shortly—this hour, this day, this severed vein

Within your hands, struggling, freezing

The flesh that’s burned just for a sliver of

Heat and light; scalded tongues, hoping, sobbing

And trapped in between heavy chains that sway

Alongside the soft cadence of their tortured screams

Searing the soul, unable to be hidden by the blink of an eye

Have you already forgotten? Seemingly numb to the scars

Garnered when you were thrown away and dragged around

Like a vicious animal, fighting against resentment

That cannot be avoided, nor surpassed, and will forever

Be endured. Who’s to blame? Whose

Shadow will your broken fingers adamantly point to

Just so that it will be forgiven; the sins you thought

Shall never return to haunt your

Deteriorating conscience—if not you, then who? Them?

Me? The god that does not allow himself to be seen, though

We have been believing and praying and furiously begging?

It will never be silenced. You shall never find the music that would

Counter all the pain, all the bitterness, even for a moment, all the—noise.

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Asylum Fiction

Walk away, in a field of soft roses

Taint of blame and corrupted blood

Pointed fingers pricked on thorns

Carving out olden scars of liquid gold

.

Bloated bodies twisted like vineyard green

Of jealousy, of crushed lies, of purest arrogance

I’m a mere suture away from a finished letter

So cut my chest wide open and read all my sins

.

Surely, these careful feet won’t shatter on glass

That broke beneath the creaking floorboards

Ending the same—trickling droplets of roseate

Infatuated with bliss and miasma, vials of life

.

Almost unattainable, phantom cold to the touch

Picturesque memories sparsely hanging onto the

Dusty hallways crawling with naphthalene ghosts

Roaming, distorting portraits and jagged mirrors

.

And outside the garden terrace, in a field of soft roses

Porcelain bones are buried underneath, blooming with whispered prayers

From a catatonic past, long faded and frayed at the edges

Will you walk away now, or dwell until your soul withers with the seasons?

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epochs

i’m overthinking

you’re my overthought

hope lost to the seasons

confused sympathy forgot

flavescent streetlights

doubt and paranoia

dimming like bad habits

can’t be more than nostalgia

left cold in the end with

a wicked iridescence

was it all just a mistake?

all falling out of better sense

.

i’m overthinking

you’re my overthought

i promised to escape

unlacing every tangled knot

and embers dying out to

shivering uncertainties

of a fugacious infatuation

your effervescent kiss

so let me be the patience

and the future violence—once

my mind falls with daybreak

resting with our unfazed dalliance.

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Royal Beggars

Check marks and alibis

The price they pay for teeth

Promises and allegories

Pray for change inside defeat

.

And so to speak and spell

And to charm this hell

Bleed greed and then well

Hope the pigs won’t tell

.

Now talk is dirt cheap but

It does the dirty job done

So just simper and dance

And hold them by the gun

.

Kick back your cold fame

They know the long game

Throne for your lost cause

And mud for your lackeys

.

Sell them out, sell it out

What’s a little bit of treason?

Cut the ropes on the boat

Future’s just an open prison

.

Money screams, ears are deaf

Found the corruption in-depth

Screw the poor, feign defence

Hide under oncoming violence

.

Pockmarks and lullabies

The price you pay just for a seat

It’s all lies, they’re all lies

Isn’t this wasteland such a treat?

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Rogue

A subtle system, breaking melodies
Craving bullets from her gun
So I tripped, stayed, follow every word
Little spirals in their eyes…

~*~

scarlet bliss

worries fainting

seize my heart

cold in bad weather

.

scarlet bliss

worries falling

sedate my heart

cold in grey colours

.

scarlet bliss

worries finding

separate my heart

cold but not better

.

scarlet bliss

worries fading

sleep well, my heart

cold in your aether.

~*~

Catch a lover
Turn an enemy
Just to watch them
Burn alive…

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