asunder

Straggler of the Pack

When we are gone, who will keep up the garden?
Like a mother calling her boy, I am, I am so unsafe
But she can’t do it alone
But there’s nothing stronger than her prayers
Nothing stronger than the smell of reds
My father’s reds…

~*~

The run is a false pretence thrill, and vigilant shadows chased back

Got a rotting dog’s canines stuck deep between both cramping calves

Still, their furious barks resonated from every corner of the forest gloom

Attempting to escape from a burning house, and evening came too soon

.

The chase was always in circles, between a mangy maw and a mangled tail

Open wounds stung from the vicious sweat, the salt will nourish only for a day

Still, rabid growls swallowed back the purple tongue which licked at the venom

The fire had long been snuffed, yet disobedient paws still prayed to be the victim.

~*~

Everyone cares, every eye
Carelessly tiptoes around you
Watching you, they’ll wear black ties
And as they applaud, I’ll count claps
Like the fig tree the master cursed
The arms that gave us life take so much more.

coda (atonement in allegro)

i feel unsafe

in the crevices

of my memory

your voice sends

klaxon bells in

hysterics, scalding

scarlet apologues

of moments dipped

in velvet gold—yet

devoured by such

insipid betrayal

cursed be thy name

to trembling winds

scattering all the

violent pieces for an

impossible retrieval

comfort is lost

when overtaken

by a swollen injection

of covetousness

personally nonreciprocal

but when it goes

around, i’ll run the bend

and sever both my

eardrums clean again

just to hear, without fear,

how our song would always end.

allen gets embarrassingly euphoric over new paintbrushes for a couple minutes straight because they have no life (+a quick little watercolour doodle)

Needless to say, a certain someone got maybe a little bit too excited about generally non-exciting things. But seriously though just look at all these sleek shiny super awesome new brushes, they make my teeny weeny caveman brain go ahhhh 🤩

sillier than thou

“Your love is static, it pulls me in
Like a song when it first begins
I just don’t want to let you end.”

silly love, nuanced as you please

there ain’t nothing i could ever do

i may look like i swallowed the ring of keys

but flying our stolen starship is all up to you

.

drive my confused brain cells into extinction

set the blush on my cheeks straight to full ignition

don’t let the curious violets catch you softly shrinking

nevermind my lopsided grin, love, tell me what you’re thinking

.

silly love, ornate as you can be

there ain’t nothing i wouldn’t ever do

i may read like flimsy paper-thin allegories

but finding me out is far from something new

.

twist up my elastic veins to cat’s cradle elation

i know i’m not rare, but i’d still be your florid fiction

and when the shy mimosas catch us slowly unfolding

we’ll shake ourselves silly as we flee, love, tell me if you’re falling.

Psychoactive

Inject me with doses of venial notoriety

Iconoclastic illusions and swindled sovereignty

Affect me with notions of what you seem to be

Allow yourself effervescence without transparency

.

Infect me with doses of vulgar expendability

Imperceptible imposters lacking sheer propensity

Afflict me with distortions and what you are to me

Alleviate our own indolences without slurred stability.

ready, steady…

ready steady

hit the clutch

i’ve got your greed

you’ve got my guts

.

ready steady

please me dim

please you sober

displeased again

.

ready steady

back and forth

know thyself

more than thy worth

.

ready steady

hit and touch

bruised and blue-lipped

unlove too much.

All the boys and I…

---

Just a little lowkey half-cover of All The Boys by Panic! At The Disco, done whilst in the middle of procrastinating on a rather tedious dog sketching study session (for someone who’s a self-proclaimed, flagrantly proud dog person, i sure am horrible at drawing said animal .-.). I don’t really get many chances nowadays to pick up my guitar/ukulele/bandurria and practice my singing ever since I started sharing a room with my younger sister a couple months ago (nothing personal sis, but i absolutely cannot fucking stand even just feeling your mere vague presence in the same room—a reclusive guy needs their own privacy too for satan’s bloody sake!!) so my croaky voice slash amateur playing may or may not sound a bit (and by that i mean a whole damn lot) rusty, but eh that’s how it usually is anyway, what can y’all do. My only regret is not going ahead full-send and finishing covering the whole song while I’m at it (and also that final pained expression is me wondering if I even managed to hit that final low E or if my wavering voice betrayed me and went flat again, jävla helvete) but hey, I might just do that sometime soon. And by sometime soon I basically mean whenever my younger sister so politely chooses to fuck off away somewhere else and I don’t have to listen to her inconsiderate, incessant, obnoxiously-loud reactions while watching whatever fucking anime or k-drama on her phone for the entire day and I could finally have the room all to myself again. Those nice, fleeting, quiet moments of pure isolation, now that’s something I’ve highly taken for granted :'< Lastly, I know I probably look like homeless sunburnt ass here. I have no excuse. That is simply my face—albeit a bit more UV-damaged than usual. I have indeed attempted to cover it up with some nice pretty vintage filters; I have done the best I can but I will still apologise for it, though tentatively. And I shall close this off with a my finally-finished page of sketchy doggos; have a great rest of the day, dear nonexistent audience. [contorts and neatly folds up my body a-la boneless eldritch abomination and crawls under my cramped bedspace to wither away once more]

---

A Shimmer in September

we’re out here in the open

lungs chewing on fresh air

after a long time of recycling oxygen

windows down, hair billowing,

gazes faltering further down the winding road

in shared anticipation

everything looks a little greener—

even through sleepy starry eyes

our sleepy starry minds

driving off into another unknown

wondering if the tides would be kind today

humming veins past humming teeth

a quick embarrassing wiggly jig to the beat

cheeky banter bouncing about excitedly

and laughing through covered mouths

until slipping glasses fog up

but we could clear it up

we’ve got nothing but passing ocean breeze,

and passing moments,

and passive music building

tall tales and bleeding minerals

all over tired bones—

the morning has just begun

as gentle sunshine cascades amid feverish lights

falling faster beyond feverish hearts

feeling something like life

feeling something like living

feeling something like feeling alive

and breathing a little easier

for the first time in a while.

getting (un)even

i feel nothing.

there is nonexistent

skin all over my

chalk-drawing bones

and i want to erase

everything and start

over again, but not

before blowing

the irksome dust

all over your

smug face

.

and if that’s too

mean, then i’ll gargle

ten shots of muriatic acid

while singing your

songs, and i’ll

make sure to spit it

back up in your mouth

and rinse thoroughly

so that the holes

you poked in my stomach

don’t begin to sepsis

.

because fuck you

for ruining me like this

go ahead and kick

another snake-charmer

off your legs—or give

in and just go to bed with it

you know you want to

and if the million

venomous bites on your

thighs don’t kill you,

i hope your conscience will.