Author Archives: A Lost Painting

About A Lost Painting

🌠 i'm waiting on the cosmos to call my name 🌠

wish

what i’d

give for

my brain

to just be

fucking

n o r m a l

for one day.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

An Addict’s Automatic Love Letter

I’m in love with someone who’s hurting me killing me agonisingly slowly turning every word from my mouth into congealed blood and stale chewed gum and I can’t speak or breathe or eat anymore and it’s so heavy everything’s so heavy it’s like my bones are carved out of crude limestone but my brain is built of cheap plastic and it just refuses to work there’s a dogeared faded polaroid picture of you hidden somewhere in that fragile container and save for your radiant smiling face and soft baby blues it’s astonishingly empty no wonder that’s how I feel most days now most days it’s just the taste of your exquisite name lingering on my bruised lips though we never even kissed and some kind of sick distraction that never lasts long enough to send me back into the past to heal my scars if I didn’t run away from you like a complete coward back then would I be bravely holding your hand now? There’s really nothing much to do but sit around and contemplate and silently cope and stare at the bedroom walls bleached with dry rot and knuckle marks and try to ignore the creeping blood drawing underlines all over your wrists it’s about to burst oh god everything’s about to fucking explode into the most beautiful most violent most decadent shade of red———no. the carnage speaks for itself but I never once touched you no I wouldn’t dare taint your artful acrylic heart with my filthy damaged corrupted skin please you’re so perpetually pretty and I’m just the mess you made and you didn’t even know no you’ll never even know I don’t know why that pains me the most when it should be all for the best and you should be happy you deserve that much and more and I love you my darling yes I do you’re worth more than all the black holes and stardust in the universe and I’ll never adore and cherish anyone more than you but it’s sad to say you’ll always be hurting me killing me choking my words from a million miles and oceans away a million times over until drowning becomes just another bad habit and my obsessive lungs are filled with taffy and saltwater and it’s weighing my tongue down I can’t speak anymore though I have too much to say to you but you’ll never hear me out so I guess I should save myself for hell and dream of you just one last time to see if the thrill of the chase lasts longer than the capturing kill (I’m certain it wouldn’t, but the stupid things I would do for you in an arrested heartbeat could stop my twitching pulse) and finally shut up.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

stranglehold

go on then,

crucify me

pick the scabs

out of your lips

and crash—

teeth on teeth

flesh on paper

steel against vein

and purify me

candelabras in

your eyes don’t

make you any

more sophisticated

extinguished soul

.

caught between

the corners of

an odd judgmental

glance, periphery

lost to medicine

and last-minute

pity fucks, when

you promised

the rounds were

fast and blank

enigmatic body

corrupted fire—

have you ever seen

such darkness?

.

entering and

dismembering

five seconds of

euphoria to last

a lifetime and

then some; the

way you settle

into the victim’s

pain and fight it

off with sulphur

petrifying, falling

over…go ahead,

sinner. cast the

first fatal stone.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

syko

N O T – E N O U G H

my body screams

limitations tear

at my throat like a

bad weather flu

taking over with

feverish delusions

overthinking and

undermining itself

a brain in high-octane

misery, burning out

of the hollow skull

to save itself from

drowning in its own

madness, screaming

N O T – E N O U G H

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

northern downpour sends its love

morning storms

and opened windows

forgotten dreams

hanging by the seams

drowsy downpour

escaped stranger’s laugh

thoughts too wired

a quaint book read to tire.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Fluorescence

Let’s spill into my bedroom and leave the lock open

I want your neon bones to glow against mine

You’re the only mess I won’t hide away in my closet

You’re the reason I always oversleep every night

.

My mind’s getting stretched out into a thin veil

So much so, that you could see through my thoughts

Is it immodest, love? Is it too vulgar to even care?

You said you’ll be a martyr but you don’t believe in God

.

Exposed to the acrid winter, still shrinking and shivering

I’d find it abhorrent if I wasn’t the one lost to a blizzard

Crawling for your warmth, your doors were never open

Would you leave it ajar for me, or leave all the lights shut?

.

But I won’t be the letdown that you’ll stand on and fall

And I just never know myself like I knew you at all

This chemical decadence is rotting my plastic heart

Convulsing my fragile veins as it’s tearing me apart

.

But I’ll spill into your bedroom even when it’s locked

I need your neon bones to extinguish against mine

You’re the mess I love to count when I’m not feeling tired

And the only reason I oversleep just to wake up every night.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

?????

((It’s 3:51 AM and everything hurts and my entire brain is on fire and screaming at me profusely but I can’t for the life of me drop off to sleep, so here’s a stupid thing that I made which I’ll probably highly regret and delete in fit of utter shame later on when some semblance of rationality returns to my last two brain cells okay g’bye))

I can’t work around my mind this time
The silence chokes like stitches
Suffocating and unmending
Did I hurt you
The way you dug your nails into my chest
Every night, I thought it was for the best

You were always for the best
And you never knew
No, you’ll never know
And I was too slow
Didn’t think it would go

I’m losing grasp, you left to fade
I fucked it up, the mess I made
Please don’t be mad, I beg the stars
But you can’t hear me, you’re too far

Gone to save
Please save me

I guess I’ll overthink again
I guess I’ll overthink again
I guess I’ll overthink again
I guess I’ll just…

Leave a comment

Filed under Other stuff

idle

fending away the flies

in this miserable heat

seconds spin sluggishly

routine feels discrete

.

finding a final flight

in the middle of a beat

minutes missing endlessly

routines fast deplete.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

deliria nervosa

mass hysteria,

melting down into

a million jagged

pieces—of pure

nonsense and

plastic panic

philosophical

diatribes taken like

placebo medicine

lost in a wreck

unopened letters

hanging by a thread

shivering hands

no longer sane

reaching still for

the final claim

so find out before

time inches

forward, a sharp

blade straight down

the left lung,

searching for a

cavity that’s about

to detonate

from cortisol and

mad serotonin

blown out of

proportion, mixing

in confusion but

finding no answer

next to liars and

cancer; euphoria?

pure mania? take your

colours, it’s over

it’s over, the deed

has been done

the consequences

hold the lock, the

key is missing now

and the demons

have been unleashed…

calm your mind

from bad decisions

anxiety’s grasp

will suffocate you

like it did—

like it does and

it will—but please

just keep it down and

let the concrete set

before you sleep

on another pile of

instant regrets.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

clutter

you are mania

and sad playlists

and pencil-sketched lips

.

you are sweetness

and cold headaches

and portraits, unfinished.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry