Author Archives: A Lost Painting

About A Lost Painting

🌠 i'm waiting on the cosmos to call my name 🌠

Doubt Is Failure By Design

We’re born to fuck everything up, I guess.

No one asked for this. I’m like a festering scar on the dysfunctional mind of a starving shark who mercilessly shoved me overboard, and my flailing limbs are weighed down with rocks and paralysed with guilt, with shameful culpability, with the handed-down heirloom of a cursed name—a mere letter and punctuation away from completely unpronounceable—come now, black sheep, where’s your fucking wool?

Absolutely deplorable. Every success-story sycophant resolutely cringes away as if touched by the devil’s acid itself, their gold-plated stomachs turning at the mere mention of us, rolling diamond eyes watering viciously at the sight of our squalid hands reaching out to extinct stars and begging for a shred of respite, if any at all, overfed jesters laughing like relentless hyenas at the classic repertoire of victimised beggars choosing to be losers. No change. No mercy. Miserable. We asked for it, didn’t we?

I take a single step into the path I meticulously measured before finally deeming to be correct, and end up breaking somebody’s weak spine instead; clumsy foot easily slicing through vertebrae like a sharpened sword through snowfall. Another mistake. Another cautionary tale. I hear my dead ancestors wail a steady plangent caterwaul, as they eternally scream and admonish me from beyond the depths of inferno and then perhaps some—from where I shall soon be sharing their fate as I join in with their ever-familiar sickly cries. Another generation. Another bad blood. It’s almost comforting, now.

Oh, well. We fucking saw it coming and let it happen anyway, didn’t we?

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Filed under Prose

Snap Out Of It

Forever isn’t for everyone, is forever for you?
It sounds like settling down or giving up
But it don’t sound much like you, girl
I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake…


🆂 🅽 🅰 🅿

Oh, she’s simply too good for you

She’s infinities and perfect evergreen

You’re a blander-grey kind of blue

🅾 🆄 🆃

Oh, she deserves better than you

Her laugh showers the horizons alight

You’re like a broken exhaust pipe

🅾 🅵

Oh, maybe she’s not the one for you

A billion pretty faces and yet you ain’t fun

Play roulette with a fully-loaded gun

🅸 🆃

Oh, now she still means everything to you

But why even bother when you know the truth?

She will never love a fucking mess like you.


If that watch don’t continue to swing
Or the fat lady fancies having a sing
I’ll be here waiting ever so patiently
For you to snap out of it
Under a spell, you’re hypnotized
Darling, how could you be so blind?

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Filed under Poetry

rivet

i’m just

another gear

inside your

headspace

.

working hard

until i rust

before getting

easily replaced.

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Filed under Poetry

colic

you are like

a bloom of cancer

in the pits of my

empty stomach

wide awake and half

meant for graves

and ingratitude

scarlet vindication

a twist of white lies

telling me everything is

alright, when i’ve got

one foot in your mouth

another decapitated

by the knife down

my back, nonetheless

but i’m coughing out

my veins anyway,

you reason—sad to

say that i see your point

and pray to it like it’s

my fucking gospel

like i’ll truly be saved by

your invisible god

because that’s all you

ever want me to do

you make me love feeling

like i’m far too weak

so i hope you’ll do me

one last favour and pull the

plug on me, just before

they find the miracle cure.

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Filed under Poetry

a song about rain (but it doesn’t make any sense)

It’s not the heavy rain
That makes me feel things
But I never realised
Just how cold autumn is
Without an extra layer
Of sun, na na na na

But not from the sky
No, not from far above
Not from the yellow ball
That scorched our sense
Our summer skins loved

Rather, it’s the weather
That I feel from every smile
Every little highs and blushing sighs
Making dark nights worthwhile
From the coffee mugs
Still warm from last calls
Or the cookie in the cookie jar
Alone without a hand to fall

And snatch it up, a midnight treat
Oh, it’s never been this sweet

Wait…where was I?
The rain has stopped falling
Well, I suppose till next time
I’ll dream of hurricanes, my darling.

Happy first birthday to this absolutely shitty song that I wrote and recorded last year while lying flat-out dead in our dorm’s study hall (mmm, catch that sweeet natural big room reverb sonnn) somewhere in the middle of the night, severely sick from the flu and highly depressed and running on about 0.5 minutes of sleep as I constantly stall on an ARTS1 + HUM100 + COMM10 combo kill strike fucking essay due the next day or so. Also yeah it had just started raining during that time and it was pretty cosy hence the song theme—not that I don’t always write about rain half the time anyway but yk what I mean. And it’s somewhat rainy right now sometimes but not really fuck you climate change so I’ll count this as relevant-ish. Anyhow. Hope y’all a kick out of how stupidly weird I sound here. Like wth it’s only been a year since passed and yet I already sound so d i f f e r e n t how,,,

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Filed under Other stuff

Okinawa (Taking The Long Way Home)

Hopeless; soft sigh of my shamelessness

Almost anechoic now, rather hurting your

Perfect prelude as you cross nocturnes into

Plaques of deception, I crave the vicious way

You crept under my closed eyelids and let my

.

Bloodstream clog up with letters of your name

Infected and depleted, frantic and lovesick like

Redbones and restless sentiments as I befall back

To the insomniac midnight runs that broke in my

Head like it was just another swollen, gaping scab

Daring me to pick at it, to pick it up, to pick you out

And spill my thoughts all over the ceiling’s leaky holes

Yes, you are and will be the only one, begotten wonderer

.

Arrogances forsaken—! I vehemently collide directly into

Never, never again, never yours, never there, never more

Distal anoxia, stiffly reaching out, these hands—fractured

Your staccato rings out to alarm the wolves, for I am to your

.

Carrion as you are to my crudely-preserved trophy head displayed

Iridescent phantom may you be yet afterlife barely transpired, just a

Zeitgeist fleeing the tides under the midst of November’s temper bloom

Enamoured harshly to your facsimiles and facades and fastidious blues

Keeping worn-down stars in my pocket for another year lost again to you.

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Filed under Poetry

killing time

the afternoon splits

into several interludes—

a sip of watery coffee,

sudden mouthful of ice

staring at the graphite

face that no longer looks

like any human being

fidgeting; toss a chewed-up

toy past a protesting flick

of an orange striped tail

switching out playlists

genre adventuring before

a sudden flood of migraine

abruptly halts that journey

crushed biscuit crumbs

and the odd pungent smell

of ketchup that refuses to

air out and leave, somehow

pangs of anxieties caught

in between unfilled cavities

good enough? bad enough?

pretending to be properly

productive, as if there’s no

complaints nor conversation

and just radio silence from the

other end of a blinking mobile

as everyone else is busy with

living, and i’m still fazing frozen

in another dead-end afternoon.

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Filed under Poetry

pseudonym [6]

asterisks adamantly ruin all the promises you made

no second guesses happening, only baleful promenade

defiantly i hold the gaze you always seem to hastily drop

yesterday repeating back into now without any sudden stop

.

cross my mind like borderlines, even if you know

i’ll always be the first to last, even if it’s badly slow

zen of heart, next of kin, blood leaks from my eyes

epithilium elegance, nevermind all your liquid lies

kiss this kenophobia love and leave some ointment for the flies.

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Filed under Poetry

sceptic

this doubt

will outlive me

and will be

the death of me

all the same.

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Filed under Poetry

Catastrophic Demarcation

Go wreck the clean air for me

And replant some darker green

The kind that runs the world

The one you sought to destroy

With cigarette spewing factories

And cold corporate handshakes

And mass hysteria ignorance

.

Go and poison my faucet drip

With more than bitter chlorination

And occasional sediments of rust

The kind that snakes highly-resistant

Prions right into my better sense

And chokes away all my optic nerves

Into the brink of utter blindness

.

Let me taste all our past and future mistakes

And pay for humanity’s most heinous crimes

For we all deserve imminent hell, don’t we now?

The kind that boils civilisation down to ashes

And piles up bleached bones for the scavengers

Cause if you heed requests from dying machines

Their toxic wasteland will be all that’s left of us.

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Filed under Poetry