Author Archives: A Lost Painting

About A Lost Painting

Trash with a vice for good coffee and bad writing.

Ocean Promenades and Transatlantic Daydreams

You’ve gone and sewn me to this bed
The taste of you and me
Will never leave my lips again
Under the blinding rain
I wanna hold your hand so tight
I’m gonna break my wrist
And when the vultures sing tonight
I’m gonna join right in…

~*~

Between you and me

There’s no distance in the middle

The cold war has restarted

So let’s try to be civil

A legal murder;

That’s what you really are

With a smile that can save the

World all on its own

I grit my teeth because that’s

All I can do to just keep holding on

The smoke collides in the sky

Like decanted white wine in a movie

But no one is watching

And nobody’s ending is to die

The walls of this house are paper thin

But so is my pallid skin

I wonder if stars choose to cling to my eyes

And where all their lies begin

I need someone to keep me from

Swallowing a bottle of pills amassed

As I kept the orange lid on

And chewed on the painted glass

You didn’t even try to stop me

From counting days off my chipped nails

And burying my reflection

Your finger is falling off the scale

I fractured my funny bone

As you dragged my ankles in the rain

Maybe I’ve had known my synthetic home

Instead all I have is a lipstick stain

My tears are a suicide silence

Of those evenings I spent swearing that I’ll

Call your paradise up in the morning

Even if it might take me a while

I’d count the salt of the earth

And turn it into sugar on your tongue

I may be out of bounds

But I wasn’t the thief who sold your sun

So say it’s all a criminal act

These handcuffs are killing my wrists

Digging into my scar tissues

As scarred as your haunting lips

The tactless tactics taken

Your elegant eloquences forsaken

Tortured clocks tick the past

It wasn’t meant to last

Another song of bruised dreams

I wanna hold your hand so fucking tight

Your bones will feel my veins scream

And my knuckles will bleed out into the night

Maybe another vodka shot

Will change things, or make it worse

As I threw a boulder on your bedroom window

To tell you I won’t be late for your hearse

It’s a screwed-up mentality

Like kissing a glock gun before I sleep

To trade tranquility for a stranger

And voluntarily fall inside his oceans deep

But just between you and me

I’m already drenched away and sickly

And there’s no place I’d rather drown myself in

Than your empty sea.

~*~

I’ll sing along, cause I don’t know any other song
I’ll sing along, but I’m barely hanging on
No, I’m barely hanging on, by the time you’re hearing this
I’ll already be gone; and now there’s nothing to do
But tear my voice apart…

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Just Look At The Mess You Made

Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
Clean me off, I’m so dirty babe
The kind of dirty where the water
Never cleans off the clothes…

~*~

flies on your shoulder

blood in your sundress

darling girl of the hour

did you make this mess?

spelling decayed wrists

a blade for the clergies

vomit on blonde tresses

did you make this mess?

makeups smear breakup

a suicide note in lipstick

clean is now so careless

did you make this mess?

bathroom tiles shattered

pills and mirror scatters

a beauty fed to the beast

did you make this mess?

broken bones and skins

as agonist lungs scream

darkness she confessed

did you make this mess?

monsters devour a mind

it’s nothing you can find

a darling girl, mum’s best

why are you such a mess?

~*~

Only go so far ’til you bury them
So deep and down we go
Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace
I did it all so maybe I’d live this every day…

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Blind Ears To See, Deaf Eyes To Hear, Mute Mouth To Speak

True friends lie underneath
These witty words I don’t believe
I can’t believe a damn thing they say anymore
Lie! Liar, you’ll pay for your sins
Now! Liar, I know all the places you’ve been
Forgivenessā€”this taste all but poisons my mouth…

~*~

We all have arbitrary problems

Whether it’s petty or magnanimous

The cryptic remains we wish to seal up

And bury inside a metal sarcophagus

But it could be easily exhumed

Or never even entombed, after all

And inevitably, sooner or later

I shall play the role of the coroner

When I’m contorted in a painful position

It gets to me, red sprites of confusion

To inject dopamine, a blush of adrenaline

But instead I’m simply a machine

Automatic in my messages underhand

Pretending that I could understand

What’s easy is difficult, I go into overdrive

The train of thought which never arrives

I wish I could spill out waves of clarity

Instead of letting the cobwebs gather

In my drying, decomposing mouth

Conflicted about platitudes I muttered

If only I could then convince myself

To cease listening to blaring smoke alarms

Remove the arrow lodged in my trachea

And ask why, it will do me no harm

But instead I end up feeling incompetent

In total oblivion from such a situation

I’m not a companion, but I’m merely a bench

A rusted statue, a broken monkey wrench

Seminal symptoms that cripple and debilitate

Responses taken from a mind that is surrogate

I wish I could confront, interfere, absolve dysthymia

But my tongue is affected by parasaethesia.

~*~

I scream but nothing, nothing will come out, you’ve gone too far
So tell me how does it feel, how does it feel to be like you?
I think your mouth should be quiet ’cause it never tells the truth
So tell me, so tell me why, why does it have to be this way?

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skulls are thicker than water

but i don’t need

some obnoxious

excrescences to

be my so-called

“dearest family”

for strangers have

been benignant and

have done so much

more to rescue me.

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open season

i have never told you a single thing

because i do not want you involved

i do not want you to get in the way

of such trainwreck i have devolved

if it was better for me, i would bite

they all say it’s what’s fucking right

but i know there’s not a damn point

there’s only cliche bullshit to anoint

of medication and invasive therapy

that leaves no personal room for me

and i do not want paid-for sympathy

nor will i waste my time for insanity

six years i’ve been dealing out alone

and i’m still alive right now, aren’t i?

i’ve done everything to keep it all in

fucked in the head with fucking lies

but i’m fighting back, broke apology

i cut my wrists, but never too deeply

i repress depression, relapse, release

i’ve people to pull me out of the seas

i still hope, i still dream, and i’ll love

i’m still disgustingly human by blood

i am damaged, but that does not mean

that i’m not trying to change anything

so please just stay away from this mess

and honestly, this is just all for the best

say it’s help my mind need endures, but

you just might end up making me worse.

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stars & signs

i may not

be able to

count all

the stars

in the sky,

but knowing

that they’re

out there is

good enough

for me.

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From Cathedral Confessionals To Vacant Motel Rooms

Give us this day our daily dose
Of faux affliction, forgive our sins
Forged at the pulpit with forked tongues
Selling faux sermons, cause I am a new wave
Gospel sharp, and you’ll be thy witness
So gentlemen, if you’re gonna preach
For God’s sake, preach with conviction!

~*~

Prayers at the pulpit, wasted sunlight stalked in grey

Cunning trick and guileful guilt trip theatrics at play

Cavalier coronary effusion, witnesses plead the fifth

The parish resident contradicts, as all the crosses lift

.

Glory conceived in savage strokes of bloodied wines

My conviction is an eviction, tell a jury lies this time

Plagued with gunslingers, spinsters, character shady

Debonair diner apparels, wrinkled trousers, humility

.

The constabulary and congregation condemned revolt

My empirical altruism’s the new cancer, neglect faults

Burlesque shame accentuating formaldehyde intimacy

Asbestos lips, flimsy camisole fumbled simultaneously

.

Tenant engaged medical malpractice, his landlord buys

Epileptic gloating and impertinence, furlough play nice

Sartorial sarcasm and wills held against the desperation

Divorcees eavesdrop on prudent prudes, commiseration

.

Perfumes and newspaper advertisements crying of weddings

Massacring a breathalyser, scotch in prefaced elevator scenes

A paperback syndication concealing secret wretched incident

The allegations made by schizophrenics held to be significant.

~*~

Strike up the band! Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let’s sing it like you mean it
No, don’t you get it, don’t you get it? Now don’t you move
Just stay where I can see you, douse the lights!

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silly songs

nursery rhymes

on constant repeat

i’ve memorised the lines

between my teeth

and a pacified child

engrossed by cartoons

the ditties stuck in my head

won’t go away soon.

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Truth Over Thimbles And Thorns

Look in my eyes, I’m jaded now
Whatever that means by sharing these thingsĀ 
I rip my heart out, it’s worth my time
Whatever that means, so…

~*~

The truth lies behind washed-out paint and writings on a bathroom stall

If love is bullshit and faux pas, there’s always an idiot to slip in it and fall

Backlash, tongue crash, offensive words censored by flowery tiding’s fine

You don’t need perniciousness but you’re myrmecophilous to my lifelines

Say it isn’t meant to be insulting, your transient infatuation is but caprice

The irony of your cold hypocrisy accentuating your selfishness and hubris

Imitation’s a form of flattery, but not when I’m peddling in diamond stones

Each to theirs, but yours is construct on prevarications, mine is homegrown.

~*~

Share with me ’cause I need it right now
Let me see your insides or write me off
‘Cause I’d rather starve now if you won’t open up…

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repressed

i’m sad and

fucked-up

all the time

some days,

i’m just better

at repressing it.

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