Tag Archives: pain

Fine Lines and White Lies

Am I out of line

To tell you that

You’re not fine?

You tossed the

Agony and put

Away from time

You jumped off

The deep edge

Of the blue bed

And like pastel

Lipstick of pink

You badly bled

And you nearly

Drowned on the

Alcohol bottles

That litter your

Floor like a pub

Late hour battle

You resolved all

Of the inane and

Sordid of issues

Within dangling

Knives alongside

Smeared tissues

Desperation and

Backyard dances

Nights are silver

Run from the sun

In the throes of a

Haunted summer

Ransack this place

Find me or free me

From titanium walls

You trip out of love

Everything’s ok, but

Nobody even calls

I’ve saved someone

And left them alone

Is that a cold crime?

And am I out of line

By confessing that

You can’t ever be mine?

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The Ballad of the Arrogant Hearts

THE BALLAD OF THE ARROGANT HEARTS: VENTRICLE

Prologue Eins:

Tear it down! Break the barricade!
I wanna see what sound it makes
I hate this flavour with a passion
And I fucking hate the aftertaste!
How does it feel? How does it feel?
Well, it feels like I’m on fire!
Wake up, I know you can hear me…

~*~

I.) A Senseless Stardom And A Playwright’s Pain.
.

Bury me by the open venetian windows, where I can visit you every night

You know my anatomy like a circus act, but you turned off the spotlight

My pavement kiss tastes harsh, but the scissors accentuate my sacrifice

You deceive and desecrate me far too often, but shit, I’ll never suffice

.

Pose like a drunk pubescent actress, come on Marilyn, show some emotion

Every boy watching television shall receive your desperate transmissions

A noose of flowers and confection confessions melting on your tongue

Your affections were transgressions, but you’re so pretty when you run

.

I used to write letters and poetry, but now for you, I only write obituaries

Don’t be sorry for little orphan Annie whose cellar is her own sanctuary

I’m a vagabond, you’re a bastard child, we’re a match made in angel hell

Inferno strikes under our tangled veins and the paradise the demon sells

.

You were memorising phone numbers like it’s the digits on my credit card

If there was a prize for a comely crass drama queen, you’ll win that award

Ignorance might be your best friend, but I’ve been dating her for ten long years

It’s a violent explosion of distractions and disappointment in second gear

.

As they all say, fuck the love, we’re in this game for the fame and money

Toasting our dead hearts with cocaine and expired 20 dollar champagne

I’ll scream for help, sabotage! Please don’t murder me with pleurisy baby!

And if I cry in my sleep, then you will know that I’m still dancing from pain…

—————————————

-i-n-t-e-r-m-i-s-s-i-o-n-

—————————————

THE BALLAD OF THE ARROGANT HEARTS: AORTA

Prologue Zwei:

Make me a promise here tonight!
Love like a tidal wave
Dreamless in early graves
I never want it to be this way
The chemicals will bring you home again
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that
When it’s sudden death we fight back!

~*~

II.) Confessions Of A Mad Stranger To An Inebriated Lover.

I confess by the altar, this is my last testament and surrendering admonition

Two souls like an orchestra, and I’ll conduct this symphony of destruction

I’m the only menace to your fugitive life, a key witness and an accomplice

I got scar evidence to lock you behind diamond bars for a million years

.

You said it wasn’t a crime to feel, but the police are banging down my door

I promised I’d be just a little more sorry, but it’s just been a vulture’s chore

This turbulence in New Jersey, this fucking turbulence is beautiful for me

I may be deleterious and despondent, but your Europe eyes are a mystery

.

I can smell clashing bitter bourbon and saccharine chocolate in your breath

You sicken me, but I feel better by shutting the closet doors and drinking late

Towed away in our underwater love, and I’ll be drifting away to abyssal death

But if I escape hell, I’ll sneak back into heaven for free, so don’t close the gate

.

Don’t pay for your blessing, just grind the forest ax and damn, don’t hesitate

The big bad wolf will rend you to shreds if you swing away a second too late

Stuttering from the piercing bullet bites and the blizzard cold on your tattoos

Though I’m taking, I’m taking, I’m f-f-fucking taking back Saturday from you

.

The jagged edges of your dress are wounding me badly as we’re locked in final embrace

Weighed down and singing our tainted names under the concrete rain like a disgrace

I know I’m a stupid motherfucker, thinking that with eternal hate, I’ll never be left alone

But darling, I’ll leave the answering machine on all night, in case you decide to come home.

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siren song

if the pain

is a sound

it will be

like music

to my ears.

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Throwing Cheap Bouquets by Juliet’s Balcony Stage

Please won’t you push me for the last time
Let’s scream until there’s nothing left
So sick of playing, I don’t want to anymore!
The thought of you’s no fucking fun
You want a martyr, I’ll be one
Because enough’s enough, we’re done!

~*~

Abandoned brains dripping on the cold spiral staircase

My crumpled train station tickets wiped them all away

The nights were as sober as 5 AM Jack on the rocks

Reset reverse repose and smash a hammer on the clock

.

You’re like a spoke in my heart, like nails through my teeth

Let’s slow down the sound of pain, ’cause you taste so sweet

I’m like the chlorine in your skin, like the poison in your cure

Maybe I’ll inject the moonshine once again just to be sure

.

You’ll never see my face in the movies as you always should

But babe it’s tough to dwell on the surface of Hollywood

Endgame of a bloodless artery, and I’m the rebel subsidiary

I’m the heart attack in your nightmares until you wake me

.

Am I confusing? Or complex? Am I the nuclear home you wrecked?

Are you the cannonball that hurtled past and broke clean my neck?

Breaths frosting over glass like a harsh blizzard in the winter

If I’m the martyr dying on a cross, then maybe you’re the sinner

.

You mixed suicide in my bloody scotch and you left me to rot

If I’m jumping off the bridge, then you’re my second thoughts

You’re the puppy crush love and I’m the old dog you put down

You hanged me by my collar in the gallows with a silent frown

.

We were screaming at each other in the most perfect harmony

If you were crying or laughing at the end of the line, I can’t see

You dosed my soul with whiskey and you sang a metal lullaby

And when I passed out from the hate, you crept out, no goodbye

.

So listen, wake the fuck up! Who the hell are you to die on me?

If you’re searching for some peace eternal, then I guess I’m sorry

I wrote your name on my mutated wrists with a blunt safety pin

And the scars on my lips won’t fade away anytime soon, darling

.

So don’t you go away now! Who the fuck are you to fall apart on me?

The razor blades in my throat won’t be swallowed with your fake sorry

This turbulent liquid passion made us crash on the tides and capsize

But if there’s a heaven waiting baby, then it won’t have a place for your lies—!

~*~

You told me think about it, well I did
And I don’t wanna feel a thing anymore
I’m tired of begging for the things that I want
I’m over sleeping like a dog on the floor
Imagine living like a king someday
A single night without a ghost in the walls
We are the shadows screaming take us now
We’d rather die than live to rest on the ground!
Shit.

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Room for Seconds

Cold pizza, tie-dye shirts (I don’t care)
Broken hearts, give ’em here
Give ’em here (Where you’ve been)
Hand me downs, gimme gimme
Leftovers, gimme gimme (How many miles)
Sloppy seconds, give ’em here
Give ’em here (I still love you)…

~*~

It’s not the fault of San Andreas

That you went way over the line

Bone chips stuck out of your skin

As you said you were simply fine

Narcotic pain and conversations

Over the rusted telephone booth

And I’ve got teeth marks on me

When you bit me with the truth

I was just your sloppy seconds

Devouring my entire existence

And when you fed your demons

You no longer needed assistance

I was just the emotional baggage

That you left ticking at the airport

You’re contemporary, I’m vintage

So you cut my oxygen tube short

And I was too desperate for shit

I barely felt the knife in my back

I guess salty wasn’t your flavour

So you burnt me charred black

I took my low blows with stride

You chewed with mouths open

Wiped your lipstick off the side

Your goodbye was resentment

And it’s a damn shame we fell out

The bed was shrinking fast for two

I ended up sleeping on the ground

The lies were clear: it’s me or you

But don’t you leave me hanging now

I’m starving and I will be playing fair

And I’ve got enough room for seconds

Even though I know you’d never share.

~*~

And there is not a single place
That I would rather be
I’m fucked up just like you are
And you’re fucked up just like me…

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PSA Filmstrips Disregarding Sobriety (Rondel)

(One, two, three…)
I remember the frozen sun
Take me back, take me back, take me
What a gift for the chosen one
Heart attack, no way back…

~*~

The madness of a mysterious night

That sobered up the theatric pain

Choked over the counter novocaine

The expense of sanity’s contrite

.

She held daiquiris under black lights

Until pure alcohol stark remains

The madness of a mysterious night

That sobered up the theatric pain

.

Under alleyways the heathens fight

Dignity they lost, bruises sustained

Fingertips were kissed like golden rain

And through it all, shadows shifted slight

The madness of a mysterious night.

~*~

Oh, the madness comes
I got nowhere left
That I can run…

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Filed under Fixed Poetry, Poetry

Vena Amoris

Your wedding ring

Is cutting off your circulation

A blue diamond bling

Accentuating infatuated poison

Your fingers as purple

As the fresh bruises on your neck

If love was an accident

You’re headed for a train wreck

A thin band of silver

Stab your heart and wish to die

Red lines on your skin

If that’s your wish darling, I will try

Consummate turns rancid

Domestic turns into souls recluse

Passion becomes acid

A battle of fists and verbal abuse

On a homely warfield

In sickness and in health alike

That vein pumps blood

But when it finally ceases beating

So will your love.

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Ubiquitous

It hurts like a twist of a blunt scalpel wedged deeply within my broken ribs, this. The bitterest sensation of not having it all to myself. Not keeping it as my decadent secret locked away. Not being able to catch my own fairy in a glass jar. But then again, I suppose it cannot be called a fair game if I don’t collide with the oncoming moon and leave a gaping hollow crater on the playing board, in order to get severely damaged. I can only pray for redemption silently, as I find myself rousing once again under the maelstrom of dust devils that even the most tantric nonexistent winds from the atmosphereless astral body cannot disperse of. The remorse that comes with the dice roll comes so naturally, it’s almost selfish. Almost conscientiously demeaning. Almost guilt-inducing. Almost.

Because despite all the elsewhere tragedies that have gracelessly transpired, lacerating me with scars under my tongue and at the back of my hands, I simply won’t bleed diamonds from my wrist from foolish emotional distraught; rather, I shall forge an envious solidarity of the toughest steel element and hope within my frazzled nerves fervently that someday, God looks away. There is no reason to grieve, no reason to stain my pillowcase with rain, no reason to be asinine against the inevitable. I have the better set of cards in this shuffled deck. For they may weep for the dawn and admire the sunset, but I will always have the sun to myself, no matter the point of day and weather. That much, I can keep my faith on.

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Filed under Prose

-ember

Hey now!

Let’s play until the moon is sober

The pain you won’t regret

If we leave earlier than November

The night will be wasted

.

Hold on!

Where is your fire? Opening ember

And shot in trinitrotoluene

If we’d leave later than September

We will be selfish machines

.

Break in!

You dance in the sunlight forever

On ten thousand arrogance

We’re never here, only on October

Accidents in an ambulance

.

Fuck it!

The rest of the months’re all severed

I don’t care if we’re hollow

We’ll be here ’til the end of December

And die in San Fransisco.

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