Tag Archives: pain

She Owns a Red Cadillac and I Need an Accident

(Here, have a random piss-poor excuse of a “song” that I wrote aeons ago, because why the hell not.)

~*~

I can’t imagine being anywhere else
I can’t imagine being anywhere else but here
How the hell did you ever pick me?
Honestly, I could sing you a song
But I don’t think words can express your beauty
It’s singing to me, how the hell did we end up like this?
You bring out the beast in me…

~*~

It was the best day of our lives

Until you decided to run away

Into the highway velocity, a blood-beat wife

It’s the same old routine today

.

My bridal girl, your seatbelt’s fraying

In gasoline tears, your dress is melting

But don’t you cry too fast now

The road’s too slippery for a row

.

Hit another skid, another dancing kid

(I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m fucking tired!)

The path is twisting, I’m getting rid

(Too busy fighting, fucking watch out!)

.

You passed out again from pressing on your bruises

In silken sheets and raining scarlet roses

We’ll save you! We’ll save this

Affair, a tragedy for the intensive care unit

.

Kill me, kiss me again

With both my hands on the steering wheel

It’s more fun to die with both eyes wide shut

So don’t let me miss the thrill

.

Yellow headlights illuminate

Another fractured heart

And shattered glass against the monitor

A beat that won’t restart

.

(Crash! Crash! Cause a pileup on the intersection!

Red! Lights! Call an ambulance, fucking call 911!)

.

You passed out again from coddling your concussion

In the backseat staining sodas and cold emotions

They’ll save you! But can’t save this

Affair, a casualty for the backdoor morgue cemeteries

.

Wipe away the spit that’s fermenting on the windshield

This is the beginning of an ending of a road trip tour that failed

I’m just a pedestrian and you ran me over and out

But I got hit so hard, I lost my sense and twisted my mouth!

.

Let’s be honest, this turnpike romance was never gonna work

I guess you’re just a bad driver now and I’m the jerk…

.

(Confiscate my licence, hit the brakes now!)

.

You blacked out again and you never wanna wake up

This turbulence in California won’t have a gas station stop

I’ll save myself! I’ll save this acceleration

A passenger seat left empty come the overtaking horizon.

.

(Crash! Crash! These hearts are colliding, we’re in motion!

Red! Lights! Don’t call 911, we’re about to have fun!)

~*~

It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
Can’t fall asleep, can’t fall asleep
I lay in my bed awake, in my bed awake at night…

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Dancing with Roses and Resisting Temptation

Bleed me out, I know you’re the first to listen
When I scream aloud
I’m coming clean again, and I will do my best to
Show you who, who I was and who I am
Don’t write me off, please hear me out
My skin is so much thicker now…

~*~

But I must tell you, sweetheart

Blood is rarely so romanticised

These scarlet kisses on my skin

Are veined vanity, lesioned lies

.

Pain must be such a sorry thrill

By risqué reality in rancid roses

A glamour of the red that spills

Like liquid lipsticks and dresses

.

I love the way the slits do smile

I hate myself for being charmed

I love I loathe I lied I lust for lost

As rubious tears keep me warm

.

But each night, it ends the same

More of hurting for less the gain

I get sick of what keeps me sane

Then I forget, do it all over again

.

It might seem decadently pretty

Almost enough to vie for a taste

But those glass shoes won’t hold

When you’re waltzing on blades.

~*~

I feel it in my bones
Not feeling anymore
The writings on the wall
My scars are at the door…

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Blue Illusion

this friday night

i threw out control and

i drank myself away

until my lips were as blue

as the alcohol i craved

cerulean illusions

faded like fireworks

dancing past my hazy eyes

as i exhaled out slurs

and my breaths collided

with the dim sodium lights

though it isn’t enough

to get me inebriated

and drunk on the colours

but i sure felt hitched

to a temporary heaven

and i sure as hell ain’t sober

razor blades didn’t cut it

so here’s another cure

i’ll prescribe to keep me sane

and i hope these smiling

little breath mints will

help me hide the reek of pain.

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vocal entanglement

i’ll never get

tired of the way

the strings

around my neck

tighten as you play

them and sing;

though i’m unable

to sing along

for your spell is

choking my windpipe

and binding tight

my tongue

.

and yet i could

never ask you to

remove your hands

and the strings

all wrapped around

my bruised neck,

shut up, and just call it

quits, despite the

unfortunate fact

that the copper and

metal wires are lacerating

my bleeding throat.

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accidental relapse

so trigger me

make me weak

scars on skin

make me seek

so trigger me

i know i’m weak

but is that all

you want to risk?

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The Girl On The Train

“I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.” ~The Girl On The Train; Paula Hawkins

~*~

The start was the year

The broken was the fall

The night was the fear

The murder was the call

Caught into a secret lie

The witness exchanged

In the blink of her eyes

Her perception changed

On darkness and vomit

Stalked a nuclear family

A crime witnessed writ

Eyes unfocus unreliably

Screaming for their life

And blood hits the floor

Twist that dulled knife

Burn down all the doors

As a love goes screwing

The confessions infest

A person goes missing

Dug into a ruined mess

When a heart runs wild

And the pain sets again

The suburbia is defiled

Alcohol always listens

It screams like the train

And burns down tracks

Of their mistaken pain

And a gruesome attack

On shattered memory

The suspense gets lost

Divorces, drunk sorry

And all that it has cost

The blackouts are gory

Stale violence so grim

Can’t tell the full story

Only the ones on skin

But pieces will unlock

And truth can be found

Of a nice liar that knocks

A mistress under ground

The start were the lovers

The broken were the sins

The night was the horror

And the murder was within.

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metal & skin (xv.)

hands trembling as i’m

standing silently in the

locked bathroom stall

fists clenched and slam

bruised, with tiles loose

my eyes never waver as

i have a staring contest

with the grinning razor

but i have a bad feeling

that i’m about to lose.

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metal & skin (xiii.)

am i really that ready

to bleed out once more?

to have lines on my body

to continue keeping score?

am i really so ready again

to taste the love of a pain?

and if i find myself gasping

will that make it all remain?

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deep cut

I’m relapsing down again

There’s desperation everywhere

And it’s fucking contagious

It’s just another one of those days

Where I’m sinking in misery

And suffocating in my own self-pity

For no rational reason at all

That it’s almost pathetic

It is fucking pathetic.

I’m feeling the need badly

To colour my world with carmine

And murder my twisted veins

But I can’t, I shouldn’t—

I thought I called a ceasefire

But it’s burning in my heart

Tearing apart my mind with screams

And making my senses recede

Into senselessness that ironically

I can cancel out with one

Silver glint and a single slash

But I won’t, I musn’t—

And yet I really fucking should.

The crave is almost unbearable

I can’t resist falling in from the sin

Please pray, please understand

I need the pain to breathe

My lungs refuse to provide oxygen

I need this pain to live

I really don’t want to…

But I have to.

Please don’t let me touch the blade

Please don’t let my skin touch the blade

Please don’t let me…

D o n ‘ t . . .

I’m sorry.

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splinters and bone chips

bones protruding

from a tongue that lies

about a condition

of the pain playing nice

splinters removing

from the eyes that soothe

under those glares

lies the harsh broken truth.

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