Tag Archives: hurt

Wicked Halo

I was used to rejection, but not from the sky

Angels ejected me out of the clouds for a lie

Both wings were fractured, my halo dimmed

But I can promise you that this wasn’t my sin

They call me fallen, I’ll call them in expletives

I saw paradise, and it wasn’t all that exclusive

All shades of purity, all hues of vestal virginity

And in other words, it’s the most perfect ennui

I was extinguished, just another star left to die

But now I’m careening down, set to destroy life

You will ask, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

But I was never there in the first place, so try again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

The Break-in

The bandit

Sneaks within

Your heart,

Steals everything

That’s yours

And all you love,

Leaves your

Soul in a

Ransacked

Chaos,

And worst of all,

He lets you

Live.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Room for Seconds

Cold pizza, tie-dye shirts (I don’t care)
Broken hearts, give ’em here
Give ’em here (Where you’ve been)
Hand me downs, gimme gimme
Leftovers, gimme gimme (How many miles)
Sloppy seconds, give ’em here
Give ’em here (I still love you)…

~*~

It’s not the fault of San Andreas

That you went way over the line

Bone chips stuck out of your skin

As you said you were simply fine

Narcotic pain and conversations

Over the rusted telephone booth

And I’ve got teeth marks on me

When you bit me with the truth

I was just your sloppy seconds

Devouring my entire existence

And when you fed your demons

You no longer needed assistance

I was just the emotional baggage

That you left ticking at the airport

You’re contemporary, I’m vintage

So you cut my oxygen tube short

And I was too desperate for shit

I barely felt the knife in my back

I guess salty wasn’t your flavour

So you burnt me charred black

I took my low blows with stride

You chewed with mouths open

Wiped your lipstick off the side

Your goodbye was resentment

And it’s a damn shame we fell out

The bed was shrinking fast for two

I ended up sleeping on the ground

The lies were clear: it’s me or you

But don’t you leave me hanging now

I’m starving and I will be playing fair

And I’ve got enough room for seconds

Even though I know you’d never share.

~*~

And there is not a single place
That I would rather be
I’m fucked up just like you are
And you’re fucked up just like me…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Of Detestable Desires and Despicable Devotions

This isn’t fair, no
Don’t you try to blame this on me
My love for you is bulletproof
But you’re the one who shot me…

~*~

I don’t understand any of this.

All this opposite similarity, juxtaposed like faded victorian photos in a chromolithograph pendant, an elegant display of memory destruction. Your perfect contradictions. Your earnest sarcasm. Your subtle noticeability. Your intellectual nonsense. How I fell down towards the sky for you. It’s so confusing.

You’re so confusing.

You were the aspirating medicine that poisoned me into debilitation. You were the rusty nail that pierced my discoloured skin and cured my tetanus. You were the hypodermic injection of the drug that made me so high I began to hit the ground.

You were the disease that saved my life.

You were the shadows that kept me comforted as you beckoned the monsters on. You were the darkness that provided me with light at the end of the hopeless tunnel. You were the lingering dawn that never allows me to catch the faintest glimpse of sunrise.

You were black and white, respectively.

You played the professional doctor while you tore experiments down my wrists and carved notches in my backbones. You stitched my wounds shut as you proceeded to open fresh ones. You were my ravelled bandages, and you left me to bleed out.

You were the death cure that nearly killed me.

I was invincibly bulletproof until you shot me with a guillotine. You were a modern day Midas and you turned my stone heart to gold, but you stubbornly refused to touch your own coalfield chest. You were the concentrated oxygen that asphyxiated me as I inhaled your fumes to breathe suffocation.

You were the safest dangerous thrill.

You were fire, burning empires in angry hate and providing towns incandescence in softest hope. You were water, drowning cold lungs and circulating warm blood. You were earth, burying emaciated corpses underneath with moonlight requiems as efflorescent verdancy pushes upwards to greet the ode of the sun.

You were an element that can build and destroy at the same time.

You were the ministerial soldier in a war who offered me the white flag and bayoneted me in the head as I reached for it. You were the scholarly literature that emptied my mind of all knowledge. You were the coronary-inducing suspense that never left me hanging resolutely.

You were the worst kind of poetry.

You were so singularly ironic that you could cure anaemia. I wanted to explore and extricate your simple complexities, so I can finally solve it and leave your unending mystery alone. You were killing me ever so slowly, making me crave for eternal sleep, so that when I die, I can awake to life.

You were the gravity that made me float, and I can’t pull away.

You were never a singular personality. You were murderer who cries over his victims, a mad scientist reviving the patients she killed, a lunatic lover looking for some sanity in the moon. You were a compassionate sociopath, a sinful saint, a lying candour, an innocent hatred. You were a grotesque beauty, you were eternally ephemeral, you were a cruel god.

You were an impossibility.

Most of all, you were hopelessly incomprehensible. I could research the entire world, ascend above human rationale, learn relentlessly for a thousand years, and yet I can still never begin to comprehend the very thought of you. And you are clever, yes, elegantly clever and yet so barbarously sadistic, my love. You knew I wouldn’t ever understand, I was just like the rest of them, so you walked away from me without a second thought and left me. You left me hurting emotionally and physically, you left me for good, and you left me for dead.

You are despicable beyond measure, and I can never leave you.

1 Comment

Filed under Prose

Ubiquitous

It hurts like a twist of a blunt scalpel wedged deeply within my broken ribs, this. The bitterest sensation of not having it all to myself. Not keeping it as my decadent secret locked away. Not being able to catch my own fairy in a glass jar. But then again, I suppose it cannot be called a fair game if I don’t collide with the oncoming moon and leave a gaping hollow crater on the playing board, in order to get severely damaged. I can only pray for redemption silently, as I find myself rousing once again under the maelstrom of dust devils that even the most tantric nonexistent winds from the atmosphereless astral body cannot disperse of. The remorse that comes with the dice roll comes so naturally, it’s almost selfish. Almost conscientiously demeaning. Almost guilt-inducing. Almost.

Because despite all the elsewhere tragedies that have gracelessly transpired, lacerating me with scars under my tongue and at the back of my hands, I simply won’t bleed diamonds from my wrist from foolish emotional distraught; rather, I shall forge an envious solidarity of the toughest steel element and hope within my frazzled nerves fervently that someday, God looks away. There is no reason to grieve, no reason to stain my pillowcase with rain, no reason to be asinine against the inevitable. I have the better set of cards in this shuffled deck. For they may weep for the dawn and admire the sunset, but I will always have the sun to myself, no matter the point of day and weather. That much, I can keep my faith on.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

Theriaca

It spread like a virus

As potent as poison

As deadly as venom

Touch contamination

It spread like plague

And hurt me like hell

But it worked a charm

Healed me like a miracle.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

¡ M ! U ! S ! I ! C ¡

Sing it out, boy, you got to see what tomorrow brings
Sing it out, girl, you got to be what tomorrow means
For every time that they want to count you out
And use your voice every single time you open up your mouth…

~*~

These bladed songs are

Tearing at my soul’s skin

And clipping the sinews

Within my aching heart

Every riff and drumbeat

Every bassline and lyric

A dulled pair of scissors

That cuts ever so deeply

Leaving lacerations and

Unhealing angry wounds

Bleeding and twisting as

I’ll feel every pain and joy

.

Of each song and singer

Of music and musicians

And delicate instruments

Making infrangible tunes

When the bars intertwine

My veins and my nerves

The incision a glory scar

As I bleed notes instead

But the cuts ain’t poison

They are far from venom

It’s my personal panacea

The everlasting nostrum

.

It’s that adrenaline rush

That never subsides off

The hurt that keeps you

Craving for the remedies

The madness and frenzy

The need to dance along

Air guitar motion fingers

Hair fanned out as wings

And as I mouth the words

Leaping along to melody

In the minutes of passion

I have never felt so free…

.

Each lyrical verse being a

Chapter of the adventure

With seconds of sunlight

Or drowned in teary rain

Composition, creativity

Vocals, tone, scale, vary

Rhythm, keys, harmony

Melody, symphony, me

All components refined

Blending into balanced

Perfection and mastery

Birthing precious songs

.

This world’s way better

With a little more noise

So plug in tangled wires

Turn up those speakers

Up to million and seven

We will damn make sure

That we’re heard all the

Way from hell to heaven

Whenever chaos strikes

We’re all mute and dumb

There will always be one

Voice that bravely sings

.

Even if they say it’s harmful

They say it’s fucking wrong

Oh, it’s an evil satanic ritual!

Making you slit your wrists!

Well I say fuck those haters

And their hollow silent lives

The dirty hypocrites will cry

When they see me carry on

For what gives me full energy

And a will to fight headstrong

Are not critics and words, but

These damn awesome songs.

~*~

Sing it for the boys! Sing it for the girls!
Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world!
Sing it from the heart! Sing it ’til you’re nuts!
Sing it out for the ones that’ll hate your guts!
Sing it for the deaf! Sing it for the blind!
Sing about everyone that you left behind!
Sing it for the world! Sing it for the world!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Twelve Kilometres: Epilogue

Both soles are screaming to be put out

As the fires in my feet spread, no doubt

Walking a million miles, was it worth it?

The answer hangs unsure against heat

Though the question remains unbroken

I walk on a boulevard of glass and nails

All prejudices and kvetch left unspoken

My trembling sprained legs carry the trail.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

☆ you freeze ★

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

ceasing the motions

of fluid tarantella

as if caught in headlights

of a mass deliria

shame since i loved the

movements of silk

and your flaxen tresses

that bounce in a wink

you were bold, brazen

you danced swan lake

caught them frozen

like an ice cream headache

the ballroom hitched

breaths at your gloria

as if you were the

intruder cinderella

but you ain’t got glass

shoes, only a glass heart

and when they glowered

it broke you apart

and you fled from the halls

of the midnight ball

they resumed laughing

and ignoring your fall

with no prince to chase

with a shoe size fantasy

the clock didn’t have to

strike twelve to end

your dream revelry.

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry, Southern Constellations

The Towers of Santo Dominique

That letter I sent

Lost at heart

Lust—

Indited…

A floral destiny was mine to be.

Over which

Constables and

Troubadours and

Knaves and the

Jesters and all

Aldermen have

Fought over, yet

Gone, begotten by

The nary prince that

Stood forth upon the gates

Of the limestone castle

As he passed along for my arms,

Hearkened unto ballads,

Holding a mint envelope,

Hoping to be desired.

Fourscore years hath he

Travelled over glebes and

Moors for a princess

Hence he inquires now.

I refused mine hand,

Why, which sensible dame

Dares to cast even skin

For a roaming heathen

Wild eyed and contraband?

Yet; goodly as I erelong,

Forthwith his compeer begins

Persisting and pursuing

The masks that he now put

For a show of cavalry, mayhap

And severe generosity

To make milkmaids surely faint

Oh, dear sire, but not I, said we

I am a stubborn lot, I fare

And one ritual is all it takes.

So I held my stone heart

In one lithe hand;

Lightning pendant in the other

Glim of light betwixt,

And prayed for redemption.

My wishes were painted,

Yet, in a cruel djinn act

And, on the morrow

The bricks began to fall

And the rain wept in agony

As screams intertwined with

Death church knells, tolling;

Warning for oncoming doom.

Yet, oh tragedy—! Not too soon

Did it come, all too late, and

The towers crashing

Over Santo Dominique

Twisted a thousand fates

And claimed a hundred souls

I wailed in bereavement

And I proclaimed to fled

Thinking myself a wretched witch

A damnable soul, I.

But still he, braveheart,

The chivalrous gentleman,

The unfaltering prince,

He pulled me from the wreck,

As he did hundred others,

He did the work of an army,

A battalion borne to save.

He claimed with intensity,

And passion forsooth,

And calm forgiveness,

And faith in his God and I

For mine spare emotions

Yet humanity is a fragile thing

And hearts more fragile so

And two of such broke

As I realised my cruelty,

As he passed on within my arms,

Hearkened unto dirges,

Holding a tattered envelope,

Hoping still to be wanted,

That neither

The constables

Nor troubadours

Nor jesters

Nor knaves

Nor alderman

Can even begin to pertain

Yet asunder our destiny was to be.

Indited…

Love—

Lost at heart

The letter I sent.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry