mementos and keepsakes

pieces of you—

scattered on post-it

notes, and cute stickers,

and bright polaroids

grinning at me every time

i have my head buried

beneath my terse hands,

sitting blankly by the table as my

unsteady life starts giving in

to the inexorable collapse…

.

i think it’s killing my mind

.

but i take these little

pieces of you, and i use it

to fill in the missing patches

within me that’s making

me crash and crumble

until they render me whole;

maybe someday i could

finally return them to you, but

not without pieces of me

still clinging on to it—

.

i hope you won’t mind.

Myiasis

she pushes the blowflies—

in her mouth—at the very

back of her throat, when

she tells me she loves me

.

like a corpse of flowers on

the table centerpiece, she

drags a painted hand across

her plate to keep the maggots

away from her meal—futilely

as she is dining with their king

.

and my missing fork is lodged

between her sternum, just above

her left lung, yet she still thusly

refuses to return it to me for

the rest of the evening. all before

.

a farewell kiss; that tastes of

burnt steak and congealed blood—

i don’t know if she means it, but

all i have is bitter saltiness in

my hypoxic lips, pulled up into a

tight puppet smile, mimicked by

.

her scarlet ones. she turns and

imperceptibly coughs—once, an

escaped wing fluttering—and caresses

silver in my veins to mark her goodbye.

struck five

i caught your eye

on the underside

a skeptical smile

to stop for a while

.

you caught my eye

right before i died

as you fell missing

clocks went ringing…

Parts Missing

You’ve got a mouth like a running motor

And a family of mismatched gears, grinding

And gnashing furiously against rusted teeth

Shrieking, careening, holding sanity hostage

Turning all of your consolidated wrongs into

Your own personal brand of justified bullshit

As the rest of your brainwashed system starts

Automatically nodding along in pure assent

Necks pulled up, snapped limp, dangling in

Blank-slate eyes masking their lifeless cries

Idiots imitating your inescapable idiosyncrasies

I would hate to be blunt but maybe they deserve it

And the clamorous crashing of metal only sounds like

Music to your own bleeding ears, deafened by the violence

So spare me the pretence of a well-oiled dynamic, will you?

Because unlike them, I’m not one of your damaged fucking machines.

exsanguinate

the need

to bleed

has never

felt better

sharp things

still missing—

where can i

go to cry?

the greed

for bleeds

is forever

held power

sharp things

i’m needing—

where can i

go to die?

Of Broken Things and Missing Pieces

I am outside and I’ve been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I’ve seen worlds that don’t belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this…

~*~

Wide eyes, broken fingers, dry mouth fermenting

Flickering lights, damaged windows, keep on screaming

Restore, repair, recover, relapse, and repeat

Picking out the sinews and shreds left in bared teeth

.

Bolted doors, hurt lies, forged padlocks keep away

The monsters with a good memory, even if only for a day

Adorn, adore, admire, abhor, again and again

Growing sick of the cracked facade that’s keeping it all in

.

Forsaken promises, empty scars, rhetoric brings back the dead

Lost cause, cynical hope, turned backs saying go ahead

Forgive, forget, falseness, falter, falling fast, oh fuck all this

Can’t save what doesn’t want to be, can’t put back what has a missing piece.

~*~

‘Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
‘Cause we just wanna be whole…

In Fiore

Begonias bluster vividly

Past my drenched songs

Though I never see them

Serenading airs in bloom

Papery petals whispering

Lullabies of a missing ache

Lost in faded throes of woe

Though never gone too soon.

A Phantom Earl’s Missing Shadow

Two halves of a heart, in a chamber conferred

A thought lost in shadows, the coffin of a womb

Two souls rendered apart, deathwish conspired

The first went away, the second did as he desired

.

A past of flames and treachery, daggers blooming red

Family shattered to pieces, innocent boys left for dead

A sacrifice undertaken, and a contract written in blood

Twists and turnstiles turned, execution of the death gods

.

A play set in stone, of clones and four leaf clovers

Names merged together, cascade grey and lavender

A life taken for his own, for the person he thus lost

Never mind the consequences and dignity it has cost

.

The ruse would’ve been clandestine, but the other found out

And he returned to take back the key in the padlock of doubt

Their shock tangibly pulsating, as the reunited twins collided

Truth uncovered from a well of lies, leaving them confounded

.

A story of two rival fates, their inheritance set by a deliberation of wolves

The tale revolves in a case turned cold, and mysteries remained unsolved

Of a  boy and his uncanny copy, what their damned trails may both befell

Whether the end of the story hangs by a thread or a rope, only time will tell.

letters to s.d.: final fragment #8 {postscript}

Sent: June 28, 2017
Received: August 19, 2017

.

[REDACTED]c, p[REDACTED]re fucking for[REDACTED]le m[REDACTED]e.

.

i failed you.

i thought i could win

but i just let override me

i let it bite my skin

i let it numb and desensitise me

i can’t look you in the eye

as you tell me i’m at my best

but i look at your scars

and it feels like a stab in the chest

if you can, then i can too

but fuck, guess we’re both wrong

despite all my attempts

despite all your painless songs

save the time, as i’m falling

so goddamn stop me

but you can’t help anymore

it’s not like the way it used to be

this was…all for you

all for you alone, all this time

and aren’t i so selfless

to pay you with my crimes?

i remember that you always say

“darlin’, you’ll okay”

and i want so badly to believe

but i have a short breaking point

and this is all i can give

the choice is mine for the taking

what’s another funeral wake?

i’ve gone in far too deep in

and  i’m left with vanished stars

so i can only pick the best

and if i die, i can finally awaken

i’m a coward, i know

but you don’t have to be

struck with contrition for a

guileless naïve stranger

hell, i’m never strong enough

to overpower my own foolish self

that much, at least, is true

no, i’m just not fucking strong enough

f     o     r        y     o     u.

i’m so sorry, s.d.

.

but before i say goodbye permanently, i would like to confess that you’r[CONTENT MISSING]

Missing Maidens

As the maidens flourish and falter

Under soft halos of an ashen moon

Scarlet begonias forget their heart

The daze of the mist in foggy gloom

Lost memories flicker away and fade

While fireworks of blue stars shower

A ritual of evanescent, in acrylic grey

And the maidens effloresce and falter.