Tag Archives: late post

violent self-deception

arrest the cloying hope

like the blood in my mouth

clotting, bitter, deep red,

barely letting me breathe.

i can’t justify myself

and my repeating hypocrisy

but i want to leave it all

behind…even if that means

being consumed by my

own fool’s ideology

and suffer disappointment

over and over and over again

for the sake of a dream;

just another tragic cliche.

that’s why my secret

is still a secret, and why even

the most vicarious pleading

won’t force it out of me

because if cold laughter is

the answer to a pending question,

then what good will it do me

to add my ambition to

their comedic entertainment?

it’s the only thing i have

left to fucking fight for anymore…

it’s the only thing i have left.

no, i don’t want anything grand;

i just want to have a little faith

even if that means lying to myself.

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quotes

i’m only

borrowing

inspiration

from poets

that i loathe

because all

their words

make sense

while mine

has no worth.

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delays

the heat is addling

the corners of my eyes

bleeding with tears

that i so madly despise

.

crowds so dense

they all suffocate

as footsteps go on

of weary and late

.

i take a breath

but i can find none

fun was all fun

but now it’s all done

.

i’m stuck and bored

i don’t know why i try

“home sweet home”

has never been such a lie.

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arrival

the return

the final line

of empty trays

and sipped wine

.

of upbeat music

and listless smiles

we’re so close yet

we still have miles

.

the last call

the landing

of departures

and last wings

.

of blue skies

and goodbyes

we’re so far yet

it feels like the end.

Comments Off on arrival

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bruises

i don’t like myself

any more than you do

but i wondered why you

always stuck around

even when i hurt you blue

i don’t want myself

any less than you did

but i wondered why we’ve

always bothered to care

when it hurt us both red—

why do we hate ourselves?

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Failing Light (One Hundred Sleepless Nights)

Do you still love me? I am dying to know
Or did you forget what we shared?
Out of sight, out of mind, I was never even there…

~*~

Above anything else, I would let you bury me tonight.

The stars do not weep in the presence of the moon. Hearts wish not to rend themselves apart and souls no longer magically turn to gold simply because of your silver lining. Oceans remain a mystery, and space remains a final frontier, only left for your lips to discover, and for mine to wonder. I’m fully aware that I wouldn’t chase shadows. You know very well that you wouldn’t hurt the darkness. Nothing else makes sense anymore, but irrationality itself.

Do I mind? Would you care? There is no mercy left to be scavenged in these cold, lifeless hands of ours; hanging by a diaphanous thread, desperately raring to furtively unravel. But I won’t leave. I won’t let you down again. I won’t let this skin be filled with scars that tell no tales, occupied with hurt that leads to blind dead ends, embraced with an eloquent love that never existed. These are but synesthetic bouquets of eternity, laid in an empty grave for the unborn, wilting, wilting, wilted. Only you are the darling evergreen; fragrant, flourishing, faded.

Your voice is the exquisite cadence with which my pulse chooses to hum. My blood dances elegantly at the incipient sound of your hello, and it dwindles into a soft lamenting waltz when that final goodbye echoes, an ethereal lullaby that no deity nor universe can fathom, but it keeps me up from midnight diminuendo until the morning crescendo, wretched by my own asthenic humanity. You are lissome and restless by your personal cozen design. I am revered synthetically in my own chemical lassitude. We are clashing and colliding in the reckless throes of a gossamer accident, writing a halcyon tragedy.

But dear, keep your summery thoughts free of winter miasma. Worry not the deceptive haze of your alabaster reveries, don’t mind the labyrinthine obscurance of my obsidian nightmares, and never fear their contemptuous amalgamation, for I’ll take all of them far away from you, beyond the reach of birthed supernovae and black holes, so you may carry on saving astral symphonies with your lungs, and I can take my last fated exhale with a mellifluent memory. Your bed may be worn-out, but I’ll keep myself warm on the traced outlines you left. And I’ll keep on sleeping. And I’ll keep on dreaming. And I’ll keep on waiting for you to wake me up.

Until then, immortal repose is mine. And yours is immortal repose.

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with a g

I’ll be the silver lining around your fence
Used to protect yourself from all the world
And its sharp teeth ’cause my open hand
And heart think you belong with me…

~*~

i’m made of

cigarette smoke

and whiskey

mixed with

liquid genocide

i’m made of

dead butterflies

in gloom boys’ stomachs

and a penchant for

red tape lies

.

you’re made of

sunlight haze

and lemonade twists

beyond a slice of

raspberry cake

you’re made of

quinine clemency

and natural blue

oh, that sideways smile

is all it takes

.

until i’m

unraveled bare

like a torn ragdoll

with a childish whim

and left in stitches

this candid spell

drowning ocean eyes

dear charlatan heart

you make a cynic

love the sweet bliss.

~*~

You were the light at the end of the hall
I followed bright signals sent my way
Because I’m steady day by day
So now I’m swimming in slow seconds with you…

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irate

i’m fairly certain

of uncertainties

building parasites

in my infected brain

a little bit crank

that turns it dank

festering and yet

putting a bad strain

i’m bored and i’m

sore to my very

tired core, bleeding

out dumb opinions

the accented words

like spoiled milk curd

making way for crass

and cold sophistication

the breath of crowds

and the noises loud

don’t give me any space

to sigh and think

rippling notions

and forced emotions

like an alacrity of

an underpaid shrink

so i slowly close and

repose, and take an

insipid revival in

one inch of a breath

press nagging voices

out of my deaf ears

before i go and catch

out an earlier death

i’m sickened of the

fire they’re all boiling

under my charred

and overcooked skin

a little bit further

i can’t take it any longer

and my short temper

cuts itself loose again.

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D R O W N

Swim, push the water
To the edge and watch it drip
Check your footing
Don’t get caught up in the rip
I know I said I’d call, I never did
No, swim, swim now…

~*~

submerge me

under crystalline depths

i’m taking on

these liquid-laden breaths

haunted by the

cold bite of the coastal air

and i’m hanging

by the sand, shorn away bare

while my body is

pulled under the stygian grave

of chasmic serenity—

returning again like a tidal wave

choking on water

and the breeze becomes critical

i’m falling away

elastic flesh numb and insensible

i will sink down

before i can move myself to swim

please let me drown

water in my lungs, death in my sins.

~*~

I can take you even though
I’ve never been there
The tide has currently been
Thrashing around me again and again
I’ve been drowning for a minute…

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